Is it normal to feel like this?

Question

i split with my ex of 6 years about 8 months ago. he has since moved away back to his parents. We met at uni and are from different places.

we were best mates. we did everything together.

i ended the relationship cause he was very controlling and possessive of me and i couldnt take it anymore. We both grew to hate eachother in the end.

He took the split quite bad and was really upset.

We have only just started speaking to eachother since the split and he came up to see me since the split this weekend. We have both agreed that we do not want to get back together and want to remain as friends.

We had a really good weekend together. it was like the old times when we were dating. We couldnt keep our hands of eachother and we ended up in bed together.

i know we have agreed that we will not get back together but i cant help missing him and thinking of all the good times we had together. Is it normal to feel like this?

i dont want to get back together cause i wasnt happy in the last 6 months of our relationship but, in another way, im thinking would things be different as we have now had time apart!!??

We both have admitted that we still love eachother and want to remain friends.

HELP!!!!!!

Answer 1

its normal as you were together for so long but just remember why you split! and dont get back with him cause you are lonley do it for the right reasons.

Answer 2

Yes, it's absolutely normal! In fact, I would think it would be totally abnormal to spend several years with the person, and not have anything nice or wonderful to remember them by. But the trick is to be realistic, and keep things in perspective. It sounds like you have split up for a very good reason; in spite of all the good things you shared in your relationship, there were some issues that were too overwhealming for you to imagine dealing with them in the long-term. There's nothing wrong in feeling close to you former mate. After all, you guys have shared a significant portion of your lives with each other; you have your private memories, inside jokes, little things you know about each other. But ultimately, it came down to the question - once everything was taken together, the good and the bad, were you willing to continue this relationship? Your answer was clearly no, and it is a legitimate (and probably well-thought-out) choice. Enjoy your friendship - but don't fool yourself by thinking that the problems that caused a break had somehow gone away. IMO, your decision to not get back together was sensible; keep it this way.

(My ex and I still get along after having been divorced for 6 years; by now, we've known each other for over 11 years, and have kind of gotten used to having each other in our lives - although he has had several relationships since the break-up, and I am now re-married.)

Answer 3

honestly it would probably be all sweetness and roses for about 6 months or so then u would get over the sex and groping stages and settle into a grown up relationship where u are OK but u realise u have Ur own life and he would not want u to he will go straight back to his usual controlling self if u want some advice dot go back there but on the other hand its perfectly normal to feel how u feel but Ur just letting the good out shine why u broke up with him in the first place

Answer 4

There is nothing wrong with a quick fling with an ex. Plenty of people, even divorcees occasionally get back together for a romp in the sack. The sex is usually the best part of the relationship, it's all the other stuff that made it lousy.

Just keep a cool head and don't get sucked back in. People rarely change, including ex-boyfriends.

Answer 5

It's perfectly normal.

Although most answers will tell you that people don't change, that is nonsense. Nothing and nobody stays the same and we learn from our mistakes and experiences. If you get back together it might work this time around. Or maybe you'd fall back into the bad times from the first time around. The advantage of getting back together is that you know where and how things went wrong before and can try to avoid it happening again.

Good luck.

Answer 6

you feel safe with this person and you know you can trust them,getting past that is hard but sleeping with him isnt going to help you get over him.
I dont believe in staying friends with an x unless there are children involved.
Your an x for a reason and having him there is kind of like a safety net for you and your probably the same for him.
You need to either cut all ties and tell him it will never happen again and you will never be a couple again or you need to sit down together and try and make a go of it.
If you dont you will go around like this for years and if and when either of you do find some-one else,you will both find it very very difficult to get over it.

Answer 7

well the fact that ye have being together for 6years is very important as you can not turn off your feelings for him..dont mind that other comment where she told you to remember an ex is an ex for a reason..

fair enough you dont want a relationship with him but that doesnt mean you cant be friends with him or have feelings for him..you are normal this happens to us girlies..anyways best of luck in this situation...xxx

Answer 8

The answer is simple: STAY AWAY from him, my child. Most controlling men have a tendency of being abusive in the future.

There are a lot of young, respectful, and loving men out there, looking for good, loving, and sweet girls like you. Keep searching, and you will find someone who values you as a person, and has no need to attempt to control you.

Answer 9

people do change mabey some time apart will be good for you both were there more good times than bad ones also if you felt that he was being to controling tell him to back of a bit you obviously still love each other mabey go back to dateing hope things work out ok good luck lol

Answer 10

It's just dating, so if you both would like to give it another go, then I say why not? if it doesn't work, it's not as if you have to decide on custody and other stuff.. so go easy on yourselves. It sounds like a case of "what if" and yes, when it's over one tends to only remember the good, but only you will know if it's that or if you seriously want to give it another go. And if you do - again, why not?
Good luck

Answer 11

The things that made you unhappy and wanting to get out in the first place are likely still there. You will go through another cycle and then break up with him again. Yes, remember the good times . . . you are grieving the loss. You will get through it. And yes it is normal to feel like that.