If your mum want u to choose between your bf and her?who would u choose?

Question

I really love my mum and my bf alot. They are both equal to me and i don't want to choose one of them. My mum didnt like my bf because he is not frm UK and think hes not a good person for me. she don't want to know about him and don't want meet him at all, not even once. Everyday i cry for him and pray for him what he wants from his life. Me and my bf always have ups and downs. we have been together for 6 months and an half. My mum found out and she wants me to choose either her or him. . I just don't know to do

Answer 1

NEVER settle for second best and I'll tell you why along with a piece of advise ,,,, If you really have true feelings for this guy and he feels the same way towards you then believe me choose him ,,,, Your mother gave you life but she can't live your life for you ,,,, She can't rightfully make decisions for you where this is concerned or choose your mate for you either ,,,, and it's very unfair of her to involve herself in this part of your life and dictate to you ,,,, You are going to be the one that will live with the person you choose for life not her ,,,, She is being an interfering nosy busy body where this part of your life is concerned and it's very unfair of her to force a decision on you that you have to choose between him or her ,,,, She's being selfish and self centered too ,,,, This is the rest of your life and your happiness we are talking about here ,,,, Even if things eventually didn't work out between you and him then that's your problem not hers but it would be easier for you to live with your mistakes than it would be living with hers ,,,, So you want to know what the scenario is ?? I can give you one that I know of first hand ,,,, You let your mother dictate to you and dump this guy on her say so and you will eventually wind up hating her ,,,, You will lose contact with him and he winds up settling for second best after he returns from being in a war ,,,, He is misserable and winds up going through three divorces ,,,, As for you the same thing pretty much holds true except for the war and divorces but you notice parallels in your life with his ,,,, Your mother more less picks the guy you are going to marry because she's satisfied with him and you will have to live with her decision ,,,, Ok so the guy you loved originally is single now ,,,,, You are married but very unhappy because in your heart you know that you've settled for second best on your mothers decision not yours ,,,, You keep kicking yourself because you let her interfere with this part of your life ,,,, You can't believe the pain and regret you feel ,,,,This husband she picked for you turns out to be a drunk and very abusive towards you and eventually even towards your mother ,,,, You wind up having two misscarriages because of his physical abuse ,,,, She winds up passing away and leaving you alone with her choice ,,,, You eventually wind up running across your old boyfriend and meet him several times for coffee behind your husbands back ,,,, Nothing else happens between you two and never has even when you were young and in love with each other ,,,, You wish ever so much and so badly now that you would have chosen him instead of her when she gave you that ultimatum ,,,, Your old boyfriend winds up commiting suicide in a bar that he wouldn't have ever been in if you two would have been together the way you should have been ,,,, Your abusive and drunkard husband who also turns out to be a pedophile winds up killing himself by driving off the road into a deep ravine ,,,, So there you set ,,,, You've been alone now for 15 or16 years ,,,,You've never remarried because you lost your chance at Mr. Right years ago by listening to your mother ,,,, You've had plenty of offers to marry but you know they would all be second best ,,,, and you know you lost your chance for happiness when you were 18 ,,,,Now as for you ,,,, you have a hard decision ahead of you ,,,, Just remember this ,,,, You are going to live allot longer than your mother does and every day you are going to have to live with the decision you make right now ,,,, Make the wrong one now and it will be you and your boyfriend and not your mother that has to suffer and live with it ,,,, She wants to make major decisions in your life but it's you and your love that will have to live with the major consequences whether they be bad or good ,,,, If you choose your mother then two people will be unhappy for the rest of your lives ,,,, Choose the one you love and only one person will be unhappy but there's always the chance she will eventually have a change of heart especially when grand children start comming ,,,, If mistakes are made in your life then tell her that you are going to be the one to make them not her ,,,, Believe me you will feel better for it ,,,, She is forcing something on you that she has no right to do ,,,, Mothers have certain rights that's true but this is not one of them and she's totally out of line demanding this of you ,,,, And just what's she going to do anyway if you choose your boyfriend ? ,,,, She can't kill you and she can't starve you and she'd better not beat you ,,,, I don't know your age but you are eventually going to be on your own if you aren't already ,,,, She can't stop that either ,,,, If the two of you have to wait to be together then fine ,,,, If the two of you really love each other then your love will stand the test of time ,,,, There are no words that could possibly convey the regret and pain I've experienced for not having listened to my heart instead of my mother when I had this choice before me ,,,, I can tell you one thing for sure ,,,,, Regret and the pain associated with it is much harder to live with than any mistake I ever made in my life ,,,, Your question brings to mind allot of things that have happened to me ,,,, Please don't let this happen to you and the one you love ,,,, You only have one chance in life ,,,, Don't let anyone call the shots for you EVER ,,,, It's allot easier living with your own mistakes than it is with mistakes made for you by someone else ,,,, I wish you the best of luck in this ,,,, Just remember your life is your own and so are the events that take place in it ,,,, Take care and if you have a chance at happiness then grab it with both hands and never let go ,,,,

Answer 2

Boyfriends come and go, yet kinfolk is continually. Is it going to be worth alienating your spouse and youngsters for years or more effective over a courting that could bring about some weeks? Have a grown up communicate with mom and pa. Ask them what, specifically, are their issues consisting of your boyfriend. it would want to no longer be so easy as a distinction in faith. Your BF would have a historic previous, a criminal record, undesirable grades, weird and wonderful outfits, or different indicators of being a "insurrection" and a troublemaker. they'd basically be imagining those characteristics, besides... on the different hand, many faiths position an excellent type of value on courting/marriage in the religion. they received't have the capacity to get over this way of bias. Do the right ingredient.

Answer 3

That is really unfair of your mother to do that to you and put you in such a position.What does your heart tell you.If you really love this guy then go after him-your mum is your mum and she will come around soon enough.However if you loose this guy over your mum well first you will sub consciously start resenting your mother which is never good for either of you and secondly by choosing your mum you will validate to her how much power and control she has over you and you will just set yourself up for a very controlled,guilt trip ridden future.Regardless of the whole relationship issue as much as you love your mother don't let her have that much power and control over you especially if she is trying to control your life in such a manner.I totally feel your pain-for I too come from a mother who is gifted in her ability to lay guilt trips very effectively.It took a long time to break the control and I have had such a rocky relationship with her but at least we talk as per before when I didn't even want to see her and I am a mama's boy!So really think long and hard here about what's best for you and how you feel in your heart and listen to that ok.God bless.peace.Riz>...

Answer 4

This kind of thing happens a lot. I was in a situation where the man my daughter was dating was abusive and controlling and I kept cleaning up after him and so finally I told her to choose between him and me and she chose him and I left her alone. Of course she made the wrong choice and his abuse was horrible and included her son who was not his. Naturally she came to me when her life was threatened. The thing about a mothers love is that's it's supposed to be unconditional. Your mother is trying to control you and since she doesn't know this boyfriend she has no basis for trying to make you choose. I'll assume that you are an adult and therefore you should be independent of your mother. If you want to have a life of your own then you'd best stay with your manfriend and build your future. If you want your mother to continue to dictate what you can and cannot do then you lose your relationship and cater to her wishes. It's not a hard choice to me. If your mother loves you and your relationship doesn't work out she will be there to support you. That man can say I've had enough and move on elsewhere and your mother should be there for you. I know I will be for mine even if she doesn't do as I say and doesn't listen to my warnings. Like I said, it's unconditional love. It's your life and you need to take chances so go with your manfriend and explain things to your mother. She might get angry at first but she will calm down eventually. Test the waters or you will never be as much as you can be.

Answer 5

Your mother is being childish. You are a young adult and you have the right to chose who you want to be with.
There is no way to love your mom and bf eqaually.
Your mom is causing drama that isn't good.

You need to tell your mom that you are a young adult and capable of making your own decisions. You will marry this man and she is welcomed in your life ONLY if she can burry the hatchet, if she can't then she needs to stand back until she can. Tell her you need her to be part of your life. But you will NOT let her destroy your happiness. Tell her you need her, but when you are married your man is number 1 and she has the power to break or make it for this whole family. If your mom chooses to make you choose, she is the one chooseing to make life misserable.

Maybe get some family counseling you and your mom.

Tell her you only have one life to live and that you
WON'T let her destroy your happiness. But, if she can stop being a trouble, then you want her in your life.

This is called consenquenses..Your mom throws a fit & she losses out of her daughters life. Wow is it really worth it?
Only she can make that decision

Answer 6

It usually this way... the first one that forces someone to make the choice... looses.

No matter what.. they loose. Because: If you choose the "demanding" one.. then resentment will set in for what you have lost... If you choose the "other" one... then naturally the demand-er has lost but will even loose further if you end up at odds with the one you "were forced to choose"... see it is a NO WIN situation when you force someone to make a choice.

Mom needs to realize this... she is setting herself up for a fall.

I feel so sorry for you as this has put you in the middle and you can't enjoy the moment of love... no wonder you and your boyfriend have ups and downs.. I am surprised he is still around.. he must really love you honey.

NO MATTER WHAT
GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

Ask you mum not to judge people so quickly and if she would meet him for your sake - if she still has reservations after meeting him then tell her you will take on board what she is saying. I sounds to me that you are maybe young and your mum is just trying to look out for your best interests. Although you may feel you are ready for relationships and I am a firm believer in people making their own mistakes and learning from them (to a certiain extent) you may be naive and your mum is just looking out for you.

Answer 8

He six months and she your life time. At the risk of loosing you she has given you this ultimatum because she really believes that he is wrong for you. She will never do you harm. Be very careful in this situation. The rest of your life depends on what you decide now.

Answer 9

Tell her, if you must choose, she's got to make it worth your while...she'll probably get really offended, but she really doesn't have the right to issue that kind of ultimatum in the first place; so if you must leave him, you'll be needing some kind of "woobie" to soothe your broken heart...

Answer 10

what the hell, usually moms are right abot this stuff but if she hasnt even met the guy, shes not thinking logically at all. Go for the guy. your going to have to grow up and leave mom later if you dont anyway.

Answer 11

cant decided they are both great.ur mum helped u grow up and your BF helps u in work so its hard to tell