I am a 21 yeaer old college student getting ready to graduate in a year living with my parents. I am finding it very difficult to communicate with my mother because it seems she gets a power trip and this constant need to control me and maybe is a bit abusive with her control over me. She gets upset if i leave the house after 7 or 8 pm and expects me to be home by 10 or 11. She throws a fit when i want to see a late movie that ends at 12:30. I don't know what to do anymore. Ive tried talking to her but she ends up yelling and putting me down making me feel horrible about myself. Moving out is not even an option, help!
2007-01-07 20:37:02 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
moving out is not an option? and your 21? wow, well anyways, try explaining to your mother that you are not a child anymore, you are legally an adult and she has absolutely no power over you! if she needs to control someone, tell her to have another baby she can control for the next 18 years and leave you alone. but i mean come on!! if you can't stand up to your mother at 21 years of age, you have some issues. don't even pay attention to her fits! she isn't your child, you don't have to baby her and give her what she wants. if she needs your attention, maybe set a movie date with her once a week or a lunch. but seriously, there are some cheap apartments out there. get a job and move out.
2007-01-07 20:42:46 · answer #1 · answered by lynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start paying rent. That will mean its your place to. Can an appartment manager say when you need to come home? no. You are 21 and you really should move out but thats not an option. My mother was like this also but I moved out as soon as I was 18 and out of school. Do you have a relative you can move with? If you really want to hurt her say that you will remeber everything she does to you and when you are married you do not want her around your family because you do not want her to treat them like she does to you. Just start paying rent. Open an ebay store and sell some stuff. Tell her she is abusive and you wished you had a better mother maybe that will wake her up. If she ever hits you you can call the police and have them talk to her. They will not take her away unless you say you want to press charges but they will explain to her that she cant hit no matter what. I feel bad for you because I went through this
2007-01-07 21:04:39 · answer #2 · answered by I hate stupid ppl like you 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I would recommend communication but you say you tried--better negotiate the details at a proper time--you are under her roof and she expects you to abide by her rules. Is there a reason for all this???Lousy area, bad friends, dangerous to be out in your town??? Sounds like a thing you'll need to endure until you move out. She may be afraid your school work will suffer if you go out--that's unreasonable but could be a factor. Why not get a job and stretch your time away from home for a few hours.?? Good luck.
2007-01-07 21:27:27 · answer #3 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good curfew is whatever time the homeowner/leaseholder says is a good curfew. It's HER HOUSE! If she wants to set the curfew at 4PM in the afternoon that's her option. When I was 20 yrs old I had to go back and live with my grandmother for a while. My curfew time? 7PM or "nightfall" whichever came first. She was full of that "As long as you live under my roof you'll follow my rules." Blah, blah, blah LOL. It bites yes...but that's life. When you get your own place you can stay out till dawn every night if you can do that and handle paying your bills. After a couple of weeks of a 7pm curfew I got a full time job although I was going to school full time. I decided I had to get the hell out of her house if it killed me. It was the longest three months of my life LOL. I suggest you consider the same or live with the "my roof my rules" stuff and handle it.
2007-01-07 20:51:59 · answer #4 · answered by Angel1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was kinda in the same situation. my mam especially is a bit of a control freak. in my situation there was no quick solution, in the end i moved out. all i say is chat to ur mother, and make her realise that u have a right to some freedom. maybe u could offer some sort of compromise - no curfew at weekends. also maybe if u talk to ur father, he might be more reasonable. but in the end of the day, u'll be finished college soon anyhow.
2007-01-07 21:44:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
21, 31, 51 - you live in her house it's her rules.
Being an "adult" is more than age, and if you are not in a position to take on care of yourself then you are stuck abiding by other people's rules. I admit I personally think those restrictions are unreasonably stringent, but they are her rules.
My daughter is close to 20 and living at home while she attends college - our rules are "call at a reasonable time if you're not coming home" lol - guess we're a little more permissive.
2007-01-07 23:17:51 · answer #6 · answered by Susie D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man...21?
I use to get home @ 2 am when I was 12, and sometimes i didn't even show up!!! Yea, i use to get into a lot of trouble but I guess mom's got use to it and eventually it was no big deal..
Maybe u should start rebelling and slowly break the rules, keep breaking them and eventually you will be 24 and your mom will let you stay out until maybe 2am, maybe even 3am?
2007-01-07 20:44:09 · answer #7 · answered by yellowmedia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you are busy, I know I am (double major full time), I would suggest getting a part time job saving up for a couple months and finding a roomate for an apartment. Then you don't have to worry about any curfew, however you will need to be more responisble.
2007-01-07 22:47:04 · answer #8 · answered by BURN180 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want your parents to treat you like an adult, you need to be prepared to act like an adult. Do you have a job? If you don't pay your parents rent, do you help your mother around the house, help cook, do your own laundry? Do you behave responsibly? Or do you behave in a way that makes your parents worry? As parents, these are the things that we take into consideration with our own children.
2007-01-07 21:08:08 · answer #9 · answered by shellbie49 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her house, her rules my butt. I say to that, just dont disturb them, or wreck the house. What you do with your life is up to you. If it causes problems to the house, dont do it, and being out late doesnt hurt nothin. Its your life. Live it. Youre 21. She needs to get over it and let go. Best thing to do, is move out. If you cant do that because she wont let you, then too bad, do it anyway. Youre 21, an adult. You have no curfew.
Once my kid turns 18, what they do is up to them, as long as it dont effect me or my house.
2007-01-07 20:51:23 · answer #10 · answered by chickenboyalabama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋