Im having a boy in May and im not happy about it. Am i a horrible mom?

Question

Im due with my second child, a boy, in May and i feel nothing for it.
I have never wanted a boy. Since i was young ive always had to deal with the emotional crap of having been sexualy assaulted by my brother and i fear that by haveing a boy and a girl it could happen to her. Im scared to have this baby and i dont no what to do!!

Answer 1

an innocent baby, your own baby is coming into this world with no sin in his heart. He is totally vulnerable to you. Your choices are to hurt him with your own fears or help him become the man you want him to be, caring, sensitive, loving and happy, one that would not be abusive.
Dont punish him for what happened to you. He will need all you have to give to survive.

I suggest you talk to a counselor before you give birth. But lady your own children are not like other people. He is innocent. Dont condemn him for someone elses sin. You will kill his soul if you do that.

Answer 2

I am too! I am having my second child in May (I am sure it's a boy even though I haven't had my sonogram yet) and I too want a girl. My first was a girl. I am not excited about this pregnancy even though it was planned. I keep worrying about what it's going to be like raising a boy and what if I do it wrong? I am really sorry about your sexual assault. If you have a boy, you just need to make sure that you teach him respect for women. I worry about my daughter being hurt like that, so I am careful who I allow into her life. I don't even let her father see her (he signed over his rights) b/c he has a criminal background and goes through a lot of women. I just want to let you know you aren't the only one scared to have your baby. I wish the best for you. E-mail me if you wish.....I'm always open to talk ; )

Answer 3

I hate to suggest this option, but maybe you should consider giving it up for adoption. When he is born, if you can look at him and honestly think that you have no love for this child, then you should look into finding someone who will love him. He deserves more than anything in the world to simply be raised by someone who loves him.

However, have you felt him kick yet? Is the pregnancy really "real" to you? May is still a ways off. Give it time and think about what a wonderful little bundle of joy he is going to be. Just because your brothers did something awful does not mean that this child will ever do something so dreadful. It is not fair to punish him with a lifetime of being unwanted because your brother was sick. Remember that he is his own person and deserves his mother's love. Think about the happiness he could bring.

If you cannot find yourself loving him, then seriously give him up for adoption because he deserves a loving family. That will be the best gift you could ever give him.

Answer 4

I'm having my second son im may also. Why do you feel nothing for your unborn son when he hasn't done anything wrong. It's your brother that is sick not your unborn son. I was sexually abused when i was little by my step-father and yet i felt nothing but love and devotion to my son. Not all boys are the same. Get your issues dealt with asap so you can be the best mum you can be your kids deserve it. Only you can change the future.

Answer 5

I'm sorry for what happened to you when you were young, but the chances of your son doing that sort of thing to your daughter are very very small. I really think you should get councelling or see a psychologist about what happened to you so can deal with it & get passed it & realise that your son is going to be a loving wonderful son who you will cherish as much as you do your daugher, & that he is NOT going to be the same as your brother.
He is an innocent child & you need to deal with these past unresolved issues (as hard as that may be) & don't let what happened to you hurt the relationship you will have with your son.
Good luck, congratulations on the pregnancy & please talk to a therapist about all of this. You owe it to yourself & your children.

Answer 6

You're not a horrible mom,But i think you should get some help..go see a therapist as soon as you can before the baby is born..its not his fault and if you still feel that way after he is born you can always give him to family or a friend that wants kids but cant have them..well i hope everything works out for you...

Answer 7

Don't worry about it. There's no such thing about a horrible Mom.

Try your hardest to give both of your Children a lovely up bringing, once then you will have the great satisfaction of knowing that you will be a great Mother.

Know I have not been that track before, but when I was young my Mother said that she thought she was a failure, but she wasn't, she kept strong and now is so proud of us and we are very proud of her also. Keep at it, and you'll only get one chance to give your Children the best up bringing they had. Be positive and Cherish everything. =)


Best Wishes, Michael L.

Answer 8

I can understand your feelings.I think you should have counsellingbefore the baby comes as your unresolved feelings could emotionally hurt the baby.Your baby will need to feel wantedand lovedYour fears are unfounded. Relax and enjoy your new son.He did not ask to be born

Answer 9

You're not a horrible mom, but you should probably see a therapist before the baby is born. Try to find someone who specializes in Women's Health/Sexual Abuse so they will be sensitive to your situation. And if you're still miserable after your baby is born, you can always look for a new home for him.

Answer 10

First of all don't come down on yourself so hard. Of course you are bound to feel that way under those circumstances. That just shows that you are a caring person but it shows that you are still affected by what happened to you. Please take my advice and go get counseling about this situation.If not for you atleast for your sons sake. Otherwise I really think that you will never get to bond with him and you could drastically affect his life.