My girlfriend and I just broke up after 10 months of dating. Everything was terrific between us. I loved her more than anyone I've ever been with. She was perfect to me in everyway.
The problem was that she would not deal with my 5 and 6 year olds. They are both sweet little girls and adored my GF. This summer my GF spent a few days here and there with me and the kids. Everything seemed ok. She pressured me to meet them at the beginning of the relationship, but I made her wait 4 months to make sure it was something serious before I involved my daughters.
Now she tells me that she would marry me, except for the fact that I have the girls. She is afraid they would hold her back and not let her travel when she wanted to. I have them 50% of the time (every other week) and she's afraid of the intrusion on her life-style.
What do I do? Why was it ok for 8 months and now it's not. I love her so much and I hurt so bad right now, I just don't understand.
2007-01-07 18:34:13 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
A few extra details:
- I am 39 she is 32 (we aren't young)
- We were both 'only children' growing up
- She told me she needed space, and that in 1 to 6 months she may come back if she decides she wants the 'whole package'
2007-01-07 18:51:28 · update #1
She probably feels overwhelmed all of the sudden. I know that if i was about to marry a man, the thought of all the sudden having 2 kids would frighten me. I would feel that i would not be the best step mom, that is why it would frighten me. But i know that i love my boyfriend so much (thought he does not have kids) that if he had his kids every other week, i would love them also, and accept them into my life. They are part of you, and they are a huge part of your life. Talk to her about it, see what scared her away all of the sudden. ANd i hate to say it, i know it is hard, but if she still does not want to accept your two daughters into her life, then she is being very selfish, and you should start looking for someone who will love you, AND your daughters.
2007-01-07 18:43:36 · answer #1 · answered by Stark 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
File for the divorce now. Then tell your kids that it appears that daddy has decided that the separation is permanent and he will no longer be living with us. Advise them that he has a gf. They are old enough to meet the girlfriend. What isn't healthy is for you to make an antagonistic environment. The gf is not the problem. Your relationship with your husband is the problem and it is over. You have to move on without making him the evil guy (even though you feel that he is). Several of your posters are into the 'get even' mode, but I guarantee you that if you make it difficult you will ruin your children's ability to have normal relationships as adults. They will look at how you treat others as their model for going on. Make it clear to them that the cheating was unacceptable to you, but beyond that, keep your peace.
2016-05-23 08:32:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sucks that she took that long t figure it out but you are better off without her. I know you are hurt but it just sounds like she doesn't want a ready made family. Next time I would wait a little longer before letting your kids meet a new girlfriend. I waited for almost a year before I let the last guy I dated meet my son and It was almost two years before there were any sleepovers when i had my son. I married him and things are great but that is only because he respected the fact that my child comes first and that I did not want him involved with my child unless I knew he was going to be a permanent fixture in our lives.
Just let her go and consider this a lesson learned... it will get better given a little more time. I promise.
2007-01-07 18:44:39 · answer #3 · answered by flappymcp 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your situation. Are your daughters doing OK with everything? She probably has some growing up to do. You didn't say how old she was, but she sounds immature. You may be the first 'dad' she dated, and now she knows she can't handle a ready made family. This is a role reversal because it is usually the man that can't deal with dating a 'mom'.
2007-01-07 18:42:29 · answer #4 · answered by kitty-mama 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok man there are Millions of other women out there who I'm sure Would love you and your children. I know you maybe in love but you have to remember you need to be there for your children. Think 20 years in the future Don't let your girls think they had an asshole father who abandoned them for some woman. Tell her that if you want to be with me you have to love my daughters as they we're your own. If she doesn't accept that Then I'd find a new woman.
2007-01-07 18:43:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry...you sound like a wonderful father. I guess she just realized the sad truth and is not ready for the responsibility. Better now than after she's officially the kids' step-mom. Keep doing what you're doing and you'll find someone even more perfect who thinks being your daughters' stepmom is the luckiest thing that ever happened to her. Hugs.
2007-01-07 18:39:27 · answer #6 · answered by Savvy Sue 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
she may just be using the girls as a "easy" way out. she does not have it in her to tell you the truth. it is also possible she has commitment issues and is scared of jumping from being her own person to having you and 2 young children depend on her in a mother/wife sort of way.
2007-01-07 18:39:25 · answer #7 · answered by Iwant2getfree 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people, not just her, can be that way. You have to do what is right for your daughters. Not you, not her, your children come first. If your gf cant deal with that, then she must go.
2007-01-07 18:37:41 · answer #8 · answered by Rick R 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She knew goin in that u had kids. shes thinkin only of herself noe amd what she wants. she clesrly isnt mamma material at this time. get past her hun. your doin right by your kids and thats what counts. you seem like a good dad and im sure u will find someone to love u & your girls. hang in there sweety
2007-01-07 18:43:36 · answer #9 · answered by earthangel_candy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It all depends how strong her love is for you. If she truly loves you, she will love your girls and not be threatened by them
Sit and tell her how you feel and how much it hurts you. If she is 'the one' she will hold you tight and calm all of your fears.
good luck.
2007-01-07 18:39:01 · answer #10 · answered by surfer_grl_ca 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋