Need some advice from teens...?

Question

Hi! My daughter has a lot of friends who come over and stay until all hours of the evening. They come over without being invited and will bring their friends over. While I like the kids in small doses, having 6 to 10 kids here until 10 or later 5 out of 7 nights a week makes it difficult to get my 8 year old to sleep. I also cannot study with all the commotion going on. The kids swear at each other, make a mess in my house, and make it so that I cannot even sit down in the living room because they are taking up all of the seats. I'm also tired of the constant video games on the TV. I don't have the food to feed this many people either and I'm tired of cooking food and telling them I can't feed them.

I've tried asking them not to come over so much, but they just leave for a few hours and are right back the next day. I'd like some peace and quiet and to only see them in small doses.

Help!

They are often here when I get home from work.

One additional detail. My husband loves having the teens over and doesn't see having them over as a problem because he plays games with them.

ANother detail I forgot to add. We don't allow our daughter to hang out at their houses because of the problems in those homes (most of these kids come from broken homes).

Answer 1

The kids are coming over and taking over the house because they can. Nobody is laying down the law. Other parents aren't putting up with this and your house is the only place that they have to go where they can get away with this kind of behavior. Don't be afraid to lay down the law and let them know what will and will not be tolerated.

They will call you nuts or psycho or even worse. Don't worry about it. That is their way of wining because they aren't getting their way. It your house...your rules apply.

Answer 2

Well sounds like you need to set some rules. It is not fair that your other child can not get to bed because your daughter has to have people over.Every mother has to do it. Sit your daughter down and tell when it is acceptable time and day wise for her to have company and when it is not. It is in fact your home. If she has any problem advise her if she would like friends over at all hours to pay half your mortgage and then maybe she will have a say. Otherwise. your house, your rules. Make them clear and UN-negotiable. Example if you want to be the nice guy: Tell her you don't mind her friends coming over however you have alot of things to do and do not always want alot of people in your house. Since she has at least seven friends maybe they can rotate houses between girls and only be at your one night a week within reasonable hours. Best of luck!

Answer 3

I think you are being a little presumptuous and pretentious by not letting her hang out at her friends' houses because they are "broken homes". The majority of couples in this country are divorced and just because a family has some issues, it does mean they are dangerous or unhealthy. Give yourself a break from the kids and let up on humiliating yourself, your daughter, and her friends by keeping her home.

Another thing - your husband and you are bound to disagree. You need to try to compromise as often as you can.

You have to speak to her like an adult and talk to her about respect for you and your family/house. If she isn't mature enough for that, just lay it down and set limits. Put a deadbolt on the doors and keep the key so she can't open it from the inside to let them in when your family is sleeping.

Goodluck

Answer 4

Ok seriously someones gonna hate me for this but I'd just cause a scene a few times about not getting privacy. Most parents (at least of my friends) know how to make things totally awkward when they don't want people over anymore. It's usually nice because it will actually teach them how to notice more and more subtle indications that their welcome is wearing off.

Causing a small deal or scene about the kids being over will let the friends know that its getting to be time to go, and will embarass your kids into not wanting them over under the same circumstances.

A more straight forward answer is, of course, to just setup rules about friends being over, and then let your kid's try to deal with those rules as they can (which will probobly include calling you dumb - not to your face of course) but should still work.

You could also just tell them not to invade the living room, and that if friends are over they need to be in the bedroom or something -- that would keep the numbers down because it would get cramped, and would free up your house and minimize mess.

I don't know how your relationship with your kid's is right now, and if they respect your rules enough to help you inforce them willingly, but if they would then use them to help! If they might not, then revert to causing a scene and use your kids without them even knowing it.

Answer 5

First I feel you pain.

this has happen to me. You need to be the BIG person in the house.

When you walk in and there are people in YOUR house then you do not want there stand up in the room and say loudly "OK, EVERY ONE OUT, YOU DONT HAVE TO GO HOME BUT YOU CAN NOT STAY HERE".

If they leave for a few hours and come back, DO NOT LET THEM IN.

If it comes down to it be the biggest B**** you can. I know you will feel bad but it is that or you have all of them in YOUR house.

You also need to tell your daughter the rules and that THEY WILL BE FOLLOWED. Or you will embarrass her to peices and call all her friends parents and tell them what is going on and what will be going on.

Remember STAND FIRM and DO NOT cave. Like you said it is YOUR house.

Do not feel bad or quilty about wanting peace in a house you pay for.

Answer 6

DEAR Mom you need to set some grown rules down and lay down on school night and if she are he is felling of there classes and making bad grades like d and f if so then take away the video games when they go to school hide the game consoled and if a cell limit talking time friend time to 3 hours after school make then go home make him are her due there home work go over it with a fine tooth comb and make sure it is right and for punishments time outs from friends to school and back and go pick he are she pick and make them look like a baby in front of there friends if that do not work spank he are she with a paddle are belt and tell them when they can quit crying they can come out of there room

Answer 7

Well I am not a teen but I do work with them. One thing I can tell you that may help is to think back when you were their age, how did you not like to be talked to? Witht that in mind have a sit down talk with your daughter and ask her why doesn't she ever go over to their houses? Why are they over at your house so often? What is going on in their family lives that makes it so that they feel the need to be at your house? Then explain in a way that she can comprehend but not take offense to that you can't afford to feed all of her friends and that if they are to be over all the time she needs to tell them to clean up their messes and buy or bring their own food. If they continue to walk all over you then tell them they need to leave and can not come back until they apologize and you havea talk with their parents. This is what I do with my students that back mouth me or any of my leaders and break rules of safety.

Answer 8

Tell your daughter that she can only have one person over at a time during the week. Either that or give her one day a week that she can have whoever she wants over. When there is too many people over, just say "I hate to be a party pooper, but I have to study so you'll have to leave". No one should be at your house past 8pm, enless they are screwing your daughter and planning on staying the night.

Answer 9

5 out of 7 nights a week at your house? weeknights too? these kids have something going on it seem shady. Your husband should be a little more supportive. talk to you daughter without the house crashers. She can easily be influence (most likely drugs) by these people.

Answer 10

I wish I had some advice for you, my teenage daughter just turned 16 and we have had problems with her from the time she started grade 8 with other kids influence. she has just turned 16 and the other night packed up some things when we were out and left home, cause at 16 you can be on your own and kids now days are uncontrollable. so beware.