What defines abuse?: Intentions, marks on skin, frequency of punishment, person doing it?

Question

To me, the definition of abuse is cut and dry. Knowingly hurting ANYONE on purpose is abusive. But for many people, children are the ONLY ONES, who don't count in this definition. So for these people, what defines abuse?

1. If a man slaps a women, intending her to do as he told her, is this abuse? 2. What if he doesn't leave marks? What if it is "only once" and he really loves her? Do any of these things change the reality of his actions?

Answer 1

Domestic abuse affects more than just children. Don't forget about relationship violence. And it isn't just physical, either. I would expand your definition to say that knowingly and intentionally hurting anyone physically or emotionally is abusive.

1. If a man slaps a woman under any circimstances, this is abuse. Not doing as you are told (by someone who shouldn't necessarily be ordering you around and controling you) does not warrant physical punishment.
2. Whether or not it leaves a mark is irrelevant. It is the act itself. Even if it is only once, it is WRONG. He may actually love her, but real lovers don't intentionally hurt each other.

The bottom line is that if he did it, it is abuse. Period. End of story. Chances are very high that it will happen again, and abuse tends to get worse over time. Whether he loves her or not is irrelevant. Whether it only happened once is irrelevant. Whether he thinks she deserved it or not is irrelevant. No woman ever deserves to be beaten, not does she deserve to be made to think she deserves it.

As far as children go, the same applies. Abuse of children can be expanded from just physical and emotional abuse (hitting, slapping, beating, verbal put downs, constantly yelling at them, sexual abuse, etc) to include neglect. Again, if it is happening, nothing changes the reality of the situation. Often when a child is being abused by one parent, the other parent is being abused as well, though not always. Sometimes it is both parents. If this is happening to a child you know, you should contact social services and they can take appropriate action- namely removing the child from the unsafe environment. If the other parent is also being abused, there are shelters they can go to as a family, as well as services that will help them with a lawyer.

You seem to have a good grasp of constitutes abuse... it makes me wonder why you have to ask.

Answer 2

In my mind anything that will harm you, or put you in harm is abuse. If a man slaps or hits a women it is abuse regardless of if it only happens once, or if he really loves her. It is up to the women weather she wants to stay in that kind of relationship, some women forgive easily and some don't. I cant say that I would stick around to find out if it was going to happen again. If this is happening to you, you should seek help and get out, at least for the time being so that you can decide what you want on your own with a clear mind. Don't make a rash decision. Good luck

Answer 3

From what you say, I do not think you are in an abusive relationship.....yet. If this is one time over many years, it is just a fight gone bad. If this is some guy who expects you to do what he wishes most of the time, better not get in a big hurry to walk down the isle. Whatever the case, of course he "realy loves her" especally after the fact.
An abuser is usialy trying to controll someone. Key word here being CONTROLL. If he hits to get his way now, what is he going to do down the line with something he feels even more strongly about? Take this as a warning sign that needs to be watched hard. You might want to go see a councelor, by yourself and private at first, they know all the questions to ask to see if abusive tendancys exist. If you can't afford one, talk to your pastor.
Whatever you do, do not pass this off as nothing. I spent 4 years in an abusive relationship, but he only hit me two times. He put me down, and made me feel like I was no good for about 2 years. The emotional part was worse than anything. The first time he slaped me around a little, but didn't hurt me. That was a year or so before the breakup. The second time, He punched me hard in the face three times, then he turned around and hit my friend so hard she came off the ground, because she was trying to protect me. It was bad enough that we bolth suffered minor dental injurys. It was already over before he started punching, but that realy sealed it.

Answer 4

There are many forms of abuse and the marks and scars aren't always visible but they are there wearing on the person being abused. When somebody really loves someone they don't hit them, true love requires understanding and restrain. Couples can piss each other off daily and still refrain from hitting each other or emotionally abusing each other. If a man (or woman) can't step back and cool off before losing it they need help and the person they are abusing needs help to understand that they are a human being who doesn't deserve to be belittled in that way.

Answer 5

Abuse is when you Hit, slap, pinch or even push over a person or child
the laws are very tough if u spanked ur kid and he was old engh to talk he could go to the police and u would be charged with child abuse!
As i come from an Asian background spanking hitting and using items etc belts and sticks to enforce rules to children is very normal and acceptable.

I think you can be charged for verbal abuse but not physiological for example if a theif came and were stealing your things and u beat the crap outta him or even killed him: You coould and would be charged with abuse or manslaughter

but i live in australia and it could be different in ur country

Answer 6

Anything that makes the other person fear their safety (emotional or physical) is abuse.

If you are angry when you lash out, verbally or physically, this is abuse.

We love our kids and spouses, but with love comes patience, right? We can still abuse them and say that we love them. Love needs to be shown through actions.

If a woman is afraid of her husband, chances are, she is being abused, we should not feel inferior to one another.

Children need to know that mom and dad are authority figures and they need to listen, but at the same time we are supposed to be loving and give them a sense of security, this is same for spouses.

If anyone leaves a mark, or even if they didn't, inflicting pain to another person because you are angry or upset is wrong.

Answer 7

well it depends did they beat the child for doing something wrong or did they physically abuse the child sexually ??physical abuse can be defined into different categories so i am not sure which one u are referring too,any how my opinion on this topic would be if a parent beats a child for something wrong i don't really see that as abuse,if a parent beats a child for no reason then thats different story,as far as sexual abuse is concerned i think they should be killed with out hesitation and with out the involvement of the human rights or what ever other organization that may fight for their lives

Answer 8

Abuse of children, while tolerated in this culture, includes lots more than physical pain. You see it everywhere. People abuse their young children by putting them down, ignoring them, putting them in day care, leaving them to cry, making fun of them, by witholding compliments and affection, by not working on keeping a two parent home together....

Answer 9

abuse comes in many shapes and forms and sure doesn't discriminate! Not only can it be physically but mentally as well as emotional. It seems to me like you have comprehended the gest of it though. i hope that last part of your question wasn't tryin to justify someones actions. prey on it!!

Answer 10

any action against your person that feels threatening is abuse. Especially if it is in your home environment.