I was working a graveyard shift the other night and my girlfriend brought her ex to pass-out in our spare bedroom so he didn't drive home drunk. This is the second time it's happened. The first time she phoned to get my permission, I obliged the 1st time. But I told her that I didn't want it to happen again and that her ex-bf should make arrangements that don't include drunk driving or crashing at our place when he comes into the city to party.
My girlfriend claims that the most recent incident was necessary as he would have had to sleep on the floor of someone elses place (aq stranger to him), so our spare bedroom made the most sense, and she assures me she has no desire for him in anyway (which I actually believe) but it still pisses me off.
Do I have a right to be angry?
Am I just being jealous?
How should I express my anger?
Am I being naive for not worrying about a sexual context?
2007-01-07 17:11:32 · 20 answers · asked by RB 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Whether or not you have the "right" to be angry or jealous is irrelevant. The fact is it DOES make you angry and/or jealous, regardless of why.
As far as "how" you should express your anger, you've already done that by telling her after the first time that you didn't want it to happen again.
You have every right to feel the way you are feeling, and you have every right to express those feelings to her however you feel most comfortable doing so.
Even if her reasons for doing what she did were innocent enough, the fact is that it is a behavior of hers that can cause serious conflict within your relationship-THAT should be enough of a reason for her not to do it anymore. She should be more concerned of your feelings than about her x....
he's a "big boy", if he's gonna play hard then he has to be able to take his lumps, even if that means sleeping on someone elses floor. If she were only concerned about him being "off the road", then "on the floor" should have been just fine. He wouldn't have known the diff between a bed or the floor anyway if he was THAT bad off!!
How would she feel if you were to do this for an x-girlfriend while SHE was working?
All you can really do is be very direct and open in your conversation with her....
whether or not she continues is totally up to her,
whether or not you stay in it is totally up to you.
Good Luck
2007-01-07 17:27:55 · answer #1 · answered by secret_oktober_girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you do have the right to be angry. you're talking about an ex-boyfriend that is sleeping in your house while you are not there to "supervise" what is going on. if you did the same to her; she'd probably throw a tantrum; so you're okay to be angry.
i dont think that you're jealous; you're just insecure about what could happen between them or even what is happening. you dont want your insecurities about her actually happen without you knowing. you're worried and very cautious; i dont see no jealousy.
you should talk to her about it. tell her that she cant do that no matter what because it makes you feel uncomfortable; so what if she has "no desire for him in anyway" its the fact that he is there with her without you anywhere near that you dont like. tell her that.
lastly; no your not naive for worrying about sexual context. don't assume the worst at this time. ask her about it and try to get the real truth that makes you believe 100% in her. you're smart not to think about sexual context because if you were to; you'd get more angry. keep it calm and tell her.
2007-01-08 01:19:09 · answer #2 · answered by BLiNKK 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can truly say that your being too nice. Why in the world would you agree to let her ex boyfriend stay there especially when your not there. If you keep continuing to say that's okay then sooner or later something is bound to happen because she's putting herself in that type of position for something to happen and your adding to it by saying it's okay. All i can say is your a bigger person than i am because i wouldn't have that. Matter of a fact why don't you try asking her is it alright for your ex to crash there while she's working and just see how that goes over. I don't think so!
2007-01-08 01:18:52 · answer #3 · answered by 2sweet4u 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes you have a good right to be angry. 1st of all there was a sexual attracted for them if he is a x. So why not just do it for old time sake i mean your working won't be comming home noway for you know anything. Its very disrespectful for her to even call and ask your permission for that.. What if it was your x that you were once very attracted to and you knew without a dout you would never get busted and she actually gave you permission for your x girlfriend to stay can you honestly say if she wanted it you wouldn't give it 2 her. Yea right that situation is just to easy... YOu should be very upset and hurt and mad. And you shouldn't put that kind of trust into her..
2007-01-08 01:16:59 · answer #4 · answered by Sherman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be more than angry. Even if there was no sexual contact, it still doesn't look right him staying there without you. I would have told her that she should let him stay where he is not going to cause trouble (like on someone else's floor). If he is drunk, there's no telling what really goes on while you are at work.
2007-01-08 01:21:35 · answer #5 · answered by sweetgurl13069 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are just not being jealous and have every right to be worried.
What she has done was totally unnecessary and has caused problems between you two. I believe a stern, final warning is now in order. This idiot of a woman needs to be told that whatever the circumstances, even if her ex is going to die, he can never step in to your house again or it's over.
2007-01-08 01:19:44 · answer #6 · answered by Calculus 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should know her well enough to know whether she would cheat. If your instinc believe her innocence, than go with that.
But it is obvious that she is still involve with him on an emotional level. She is still taking responsibility for his well being which belongs to him - means she is not letting go emotionally.
If you are angry - trust your feelings - sit her down n explain that you are concern that she had not let out of their emotional patterns, which will caught complication for your relationship. Tell her that you trust her, but if she is serious about building a life with you, then she should put your relationship's needs first.
If she is ready to let go of her past n be with you wholeheartedly, then she will respect your feelings on the matter.
2007-01-08 01:41:49 · answer #7 · answered by CHERRYBLOSSOM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude of course you have every right to be angry. Also, if she was not interested in him why would be risk her relationship with you to allow him to crash at your place?
She knows it bothers you, but she did it again.
First of all why does she even know that her ex is in town and partying etc?
Sorry, but something sounds fishy. If I were you I'd leave that graveyard shift early one night without telling her and go home just to see whats going on under my roof.
I mean, has this druken ex of hers ever heard of A CAB?
2007-01-08 01:18:11 · answer #8 · answered by ♥♥ Nikki ♥♥ 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I dont care how good of friend they are or how over she is of him no ex should be staying at our place without you there. I would be angry. Jealous isnt the word honey. You are right and dont let her tell you that there is nothing going on. He can crash else where not your problem.
2007-01-08 01:18:13 · answer #9 · answered by aliceannwonderland 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
im wasted and the real answer is something that you dont want to hear im sure i hate to say but hell yeah i want my ex back and i know for a fact that if she took me back in anyway it would be way more then friends cause she knows waht to expect out of me if you know what im saying i hate to burst ur bubble but i think that she still loves her ex and tooo be honest i hope that she does cause im sure thtat he loves here and that is how it should end up im sorry *****
2007-01-08 01:18:39 · answer #10 · answered by Confused 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋