im single because the father of my soon to be first born decided not to own up. thats not the main problem through. i had an extreamly trubled youth full of lots of meds and hospital stays. i've been better for a while now. i have no need for meds or tretments anymore. but im worried people will see me to be unfit to be a mother. i know i will be great but i'm not so sure about the rest of the world.
2007-01-07 16:04:11 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
you are going to be raising this child without a father? does that mean day care will actually be raising this child? did you know that more than 10 hours a week of separation from mom is devastating to an infant/toddler emotionally? also physically, socially, and intellectually?
are your proposing to be a 2 hour a day or so 'mommy?' do you really think this is good for a child or a good life for a child?
far more important that your past is whether or not you can give this child what he/she actually needs - which is mommy's milk on demand for at least two years, the near constant prescence of a mommy, a gentle patient mommy who is interested in the child and able to reflect the child's expressions back to her.
Are you in any position to actually be there for this child or are you bringing into this world another baby who will be deeply troubled, on meds, in and out of jails or hospitals, unable to bond with others, have difficulty with relationships - like makes babies with no one around to raise the baby with???
What makes you think you'll be great? Your desire to have someone love you? That is not your baby's job.
This is a really sad situation. It's not about you - it's about the needs of the child. What on earth do you have to offer this child in the way of what he/she will actually need?
why on earth does society need another poorly raised, unhappy, unloved by their father, dull-witted because of institutional raising, unable to attach to others because of repeated and traumatizing separations from mother, child? hint: it doesn't.
it's not about you and you obviously are not in a position to be mother because you didn't have to sense to mate with a man who would stick around.
2007-01-07 16:15:15 · answer #1 · answered by cassandra 6 · 4⤊ 6⤋
As a youth I went to two drug rehab centers and two institutions for drug abuse and was very mixed and messed up. I am sure if people knew me then they would think of me as unfit. But most people do not know my past....and pretty much every one I know tells me I am a good mom....even strangers. They see how much I love and care for my daughter and I impress reletives on both sides with how well I can care for my daughter and soothe her when shes upset. She is four month old btw. SO dont let the past hold you back at all. LET IT GO...and just focus on being a good mom today because that is all you can do..and if others want to judge you on it too bad..your baby is now number one and dont let anyone near her who is going to influence her opinion of you in a negetive way. I know I wouldnt.
2007-01-10 22:44:28 · answer #2 · answered by jennyve25 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having been the son of a single mother in similar circumstances, I highly recommend you research parenting skills. Planned Parenthood will offer free help, advice, and maybe even classes, or you can find books on parenting at your local library.
You really do need to know what you are doing to be a parent; you can't just make it up as you go. Spend the time learning now and your child will appreciate it more than you can imagine.
From experience, I agree with 'cassandra' below. You need to focus on the needs of the child, and not your own. Will you be able to fulfill the needs of a child? Will you be able to provide it with a loving and nurturing home? Enough bonding time with it's mother? How about a father figure?
You need to answer these before your child gets here.
2007-01-08 00:13:26 · answer #3 · answered by Michael 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
All you have to do is prove them all wrong. Put that child first and show the world you have what it takes. I had a troubled youth as well, raised by a single, alcoholic, schizophrenic mother who abused us kids horribly. I am now a special education teacher who has a beautiful and brilliant 14 year old daughter. The past is past. To blame any current problems on your childhood is a justification to cop out. Just put all your energies into bringing up that child differently then you had to. Good luck, sweetie :)
2007-01-08 00:14:53 · answer #4 · answered by b_friskey 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Think of your self and that baby. Who cares what they think. But if you yourself start wondering seek help. It don't make you a bad mother it makes you a stronger mommy. No child comes with a book. No matter what somebody is always going to have something to say about your way of living and doing things. You have to decide what goes in one ear and out the other or what stays in your head.
2007-01-08 00:32:50 · answer #5 · answered by michelle 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The rest of the world doesn't matter- it's now you and your baby, and you will do anything for this baby :) You sound like you will be a good Mommy! I wasn't married at the time I was pregnant... had a good boyfriend, who did own up to our baby... but we didn't want to marry because of our baby... but because of our love for one another. I'm sorry the father of your baby did this to you- that's terrible. Anyways, my Dad's side of the family were so excited... where as my mom's side, they thought it was wrong because I wasn't married at the time. I had an aunt say, "So you think it's right?" How dare they say my baby isn't "right" This is MY baby - who I will love with all my heart, and will never look at him/her as being wrong or that he/she shouldn't be in this world... it happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We had a boy... we later married, but who cares.... anyways, my son brings all the joy and love in the world to me, and I'm so happy he's here with me :) I will never look at him in shame, or even myself for not being married at the time.
Good for you for not needing meds or treatments. Keep up the great work! Love this baby, and if people have anything to say, tell them to back off because you are gonna do all you can for your sweet blessing! Everything happens for a reason I feel. And yes, babies are such a blessing!
Congrats on being a Mommy :)
Cassandra sounds like she has some issues. Things happen. My husband could have left me when I found out I was pregnant (we were only boyfriend/girlfriend at the time)... but he stayed with me, and we worked it all out. This isn't the case for everyone though. I think you are doing great by accepting what happened period. Also- how many working parents (2 parents), work all hours of the days, and have their children in daycares? Quite a lot! I was able to work it out by staying home with my son during the week and work weekends- my husband works a lot. You will be a good Mommy, don't listen to her.
2007-01-08 00:13:33 · answer #6 · answered by m930 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You will do just fine. This will make you a stronger person, but do try to get family or close friends to help you out, everyone needs help here and there. It's rough in the beginning, but definitely worth it all. Hang in there, and don't listen to what rude people have to say. This is YOUR baby. Your baby needs you healthy and strong.
I wish you the best.
2007-01-08 03:06:36 · answer #7 · answered by lovingmommy 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think that although Cassandra's points are harshly stated, they are more relevant and helpful that the cheerleading others are engaged in here. We should not pretend that any and all situations are good for children. They are not.
And, let's face it - a person with a troubled childhood, meds and hospital stays, who is not in a committed relationship, is not a primo candidate for mother of the year.
The odds are very high that you will not only not be a good mother, but that no matter if you are a goddess mother, you will not be able to overcome the terrible damage that day care, formula, poverty, and having a single mom does to a child.
2007-01-08 00:38:08 · answer #8 · answered by master apple 2 · 2⤊ 5⤋
That was then this is now, don't worry about the rest of the world just take care of your baby but don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it
2007-01-08 00:10:06 · answer #9 · answered by chiefs fan 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your ok, no matter how good you are there are always going to be people that look down on you. In the end, you gotta just forget about what others think of you and do what you know is right, otherwise your going to be miserable. You can do it, just have faith in God!
2007-01-08 00:14:01 · answer #10 · answered by ZenTurkey 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if you think you can provide a loving and nuturing atmosphere the best you can, then dont listen to what other people say, and believe in yourself while bringing the child up. Kids need their parents to be strong influences, so dont let what others say bring you down, and prove them wrong.
2007-01-08 00:10:28 · answer #11 · answered by whatever 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋