Would you forgive your mother?

Question

Can you forgive your mother for giving you up to her mother (my grandmother). Who was physically and mentally abused to you. Then 10 years later tried to reconcilliate with you . since there is so much grudges againts her I can't forgive.Now the problem is that she wants to be in my kids life and I just can't be around her.I can sense her hipocrate self. I can't have it . She said to me that when my kids get older that she would tell then that it was my fault that she was not in there life. still now that Iam a grown woman she's not being understanding. What should I do?

Answer 1

Im sorry about what u have been through. Maybe give your mother anouther chance maybe she has changed. Try to get along with her for your kids sake. Tell her how you feel and how she hurt you..i know it may be hard to forgive her but try..maybe everything will work out fine..I wish you the best of luck and lots of love!!
Regina Back!

Answer 2

First : I would like to hear HER side of the story. Second: And then the question forgiveness would depend on the first clause. <> "but what if she came back to you when you were older and asked you for some help/money?" As others have said, after all she is my birth mother, however still my decision would depend on the first clause... Example 1: suppose she ran away with her lover... personally then I would not feel any obligation towards her. Example 2: my dad was a mean drunk and repeatedly used to abuse her... well then the case is VERY different. Hope that helps.

Answer 3

How could your so called loving mother leave you with a women who she would have known would abuse you. She needs to answer this question along with every other question you may have. Only after you have her answers can you consider her being a part of your life. Your mother is very bitter and angry for messing up her life, don't let her mess up your life any more than she already has. The threats must stop or she is out of your life.

Answer 4

Tough question. To answer this question you have to go deep inside yourself and look at your own feelings about yourself as a youngster. When you mom left you with her mom, she was trying to do the best she could for you. She didn't sit down and ask how she could really screw up your life. She wanted to do the best she could...and it happened to be leaving you with grandma. There were worse alternatives...even if grandma turned out to be a bummer. Now your mother wants to express her love for her grandchildren in a way she wasn't able to express her love for you. When you judge her you are judging yourself. She is still doing the best she can. Acknowledge her and forgive yourself for having judged her as an inadequate mother. She wasn't inadequate...just doing the best she could. That's all any of us can do. Did you ever ask her what was going on in her life when she left you? Have you ever talked with her about how she felt when she left you...and when she stayed away all those years? Ask her. She probably wants you to understand. She has to feel a lot of guilt. Help her, love her and let her love you and your children. It's healing.

Answer 5

She is trying to manipulate and control you. If she was not there for you before, it sounds like she still doesn't plan to be. If she is only interested in a relationship with your kids, who knows what she will say about you when you aren't around. If you aren't ready or can't forgive her, I don't think I would let her play this game with your kids at stake.
You grew up without her and so can they....

Answer 6

Confront your mum with all the issues that are bugging you.You will know when you want your biological mother around for your kids.Your mum is probably regretting the past and wants to seek your forgiveness.Dont harbour this grudge always otherwise it will make you ill and bitter.I can understand where you are coming from.

Answer 7

Listen to your gut. If/when the time comes that it feels right to have your biological mother around, then do so. Until then, don't. Think about it in the best interest of your kids.

Answer 8

Forgive NEITHER of them. It won't do any good. Wash your hands of them, move on with your life. Hopefully you have an older friend who can take the place of "grandma" for your kids.

Answer 9

I forgave my mother for much worse, but the fact is, they're your children, you can include or exclude whoever you want from their lives.

Answer 10

confront your mom with all of your issues that u have with her even though u do not owe her any explanations put it out there anyway