My story is really complicated... I feel in love with this woman which i only known for 2 months. Things worked out really good, she even would wait for me until i finish with school ( i'm 27 and so is she, but she's working ). After spending the night together her ex fiancee called my cellphone, which he found out after he got the phone company to get her record ( they been seperated for 7 months ) and he called me 15 times but i never picked up. She's still attached to him, like engagement ring, a condo they bought together and other stuff. I didn't care about her past and i told her and she told him to leave me out. And now he wants her back and she decided she won't pick either one and she needs time to get her heads cleared up. She told me to get her a few months to clear up the mess, but i know she wants to be together with me and she's scared of her ex because he's a psycho. I don't know what to do? It's so hard to be occupied and not think about it because i miss her so much.
2007-01-07 15:41:03 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It may be difficult but I think you should move on. If she really loves you, she would not need "time to get her head cleared up". Then and there, she would know that it is you she wants and would therefore decide to be with you. If she loves you, she will fight for that love no matter even if her former boyfriend is a psycho as she claims.
How long is a "few months"? It is rather selfish for her to make you wait for something that is not even sure for an undetermined period. In the meantime, what does she expect you to do? If she loves you, she will not want you to undergo this painful period.
Go out and socialize. You had a great time with her. Learn from the experience. Put it in your memory but live in the present with someone new - someone who will fight for your love and take risks to be with you - someone who cares enough not to hurt you.
2007-01-07 15:51:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That part about "missing her so much" is because of the physical and biological stuff that goes on during the 'falling in love' process-- it actually ensures the continuation of the species. You've bonded. When the phermones (chemicals/hormones) start to disperse, as they do, you won't remember what all the fuss was about... these chemicals are most prevalent during the early part of a relationship. Mature love is a love that has been through lots of stuff beyond the initial hormone response.
I agree with the person who suggested you live like she is gone forever. Look for friendships that develop into something vs. looking for love with people who are still attached to their former lovers-- or still engaged, as this young woman was. Healthier, less encumbered women are out there.
If you are looking to decrease the "love pain" you are feeling I would suggest that you might want to try the energy therapy called Emotional Freedom Techniques. EFT is a meridian-based protocol that is easy to learn and easy to apply. You can read about how it helps other people in a similar kind of distress and longing to yours at http://tinyurl.com/ykqdqu and you can download, free, the Get Started Package at http://tinyurl.com/yh5zhu .
All the best!
2007-01-07 15:59:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really think she loves you, you should wait, because I can understand that she might be stuck on somethings with her ex but she wants to move on with you. (Get what I'm saying)? On the other hand if she can't decide right now, how long are you going to keep waiting to see you're the guy for her? He's her ex for a reason and she shouldn't keep you waiting. I say try to talk to her as friends n stuff and if she sees you're the guy for her then go for it. Don't wait too long, cuz life will keep going and the more it goes the harder it gets to catch up.
2007-01-07 15:48:59 · answer #3 · answered by Brown eyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are going through and it's so damn hard!
I agree with the other posters who say that you should move on like you aren't even together, as if you have nothing going on with each other because you still risk having your heart broken if you are waiting for her. She is obviously not over her ex, regardless of how good or bad she is. If she comes back to you over time, it would show that you were both probably meant to be.
2007-01-07 16:38:58 · answer #4 · answered by purringout 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would follow her good advise and have a respect for her wisdom. Definitely this girl knows what she needs to do. She knew about her ex and wanted to move on, but still having a hard time to. With everything they still own together, it is very hard for her to break away smoothly from him. I think you need to stay clear and away from her for awhile also. You need to give her that respect and space that she was asking you, to get over this guy and have everything clear away with him. You can tell her to take as long as she need to, and you will waiting for her when she is ready. If she is taking too long for you to wait then it is a sign for you to move on. You might end up get hurt or maybe no chance left then.
2007-01-07 16:02:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay she did a good thing by leaving, it's obvious that she still has feelins for him and that she doesnt want to hurt you. He has an advantage over you becuase they have been engaged. But that doesnt mean you giv up hope, just don't give up on her, and if ya'll still talk don't bring anything up 2 pressure her, i mean 2 months is kind a short notice for love but with love you cant put a limit on it. If you really and truly love her trust her to make the right decision.
2007-01-07 15:47:11 · answer #6 · answered by jackie O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, if her ex is really a psycho, as in he is abusive, you need to report his actions to the police. Now, if your love has requested a few months to straighten things up, then give her a few months. If you love her, it won't matter, and she'll be grateful for your patience. In the meantime, see if you end up moving on, or are still in love. In my opinion, you could probably use a few months to clear things up yourself, and focus on school.
2007-01-07 15:47:26 · answer #7 · answered by Alyssa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't wait,, sounds like she tried to move on but her Ex won't let her,, If she really wants him gone she will do it ! If he is really a psycho then she should take steps to get a restraining order,, and sue the phone company for giving him her records for your number..
2007-01-07 15:46:36 · answer #8 · answered by kitkatish1962 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand the situation and have been in a similar situation (married with an abusive husband though). I chose the new man and we are taking things slowly so that I have the time I need. If she loves you like she should it would kill her to be away from you. You should leave her so you can get over her asap.
2007-01-07 15:46:49 · answer #9 · answered by Jessi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
y dont u give urself some time. dont linger on the issue. the more u think about it, the more it gets complicated in ur head. just relax. give everyone some time (ur girlfriend, her ex & urself) and the issue will be resolved automatically. remember, hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything. just chill and engage urself in some other interesting activity like a hobby or sport.
2007-01-07 15:52:53 · answer #10 · answered by mrinal1976 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋