Should i ask my sister if she was abused?

Question

Hi. I was wondering if i should ask my older sister if she was abused by our father because i think i was.I was very young at the time and didn,t know any better. I have dreams of my sister standing at my bedroom door whilst my father was molesting me. I have had the same dream for about 16 years. I also want to ask if i was abused.
My sister has told my mother in law and a few of her friends that she was but not me as i think she was protecting me. But i want her to know that she doesn,t have to protect me anymore as i am 28 and she is 30. I have been diagnosed as having depression because of my past and maybe i think it will make me feel better knowing that i wasn,t the only one. I just want to know the truth. She has hidden something for years and i finally want to know the truth. Should i ask her and how should i ask her. Any help will be great. Thank you.

Answer 1

If she is in-fact protecting you, then that means she cares about your well-being. That means that she will probably be truthful with you if you ask her... but be careful... it doesn't necessarily get any easier knowing the truth. There will be no magical weight lifted, and your depression will not automatically heal.

Answer 2

Again, this is quite the brave act to ask about this on Yahoo! Answers where there are quite a few..inappropriate...replies. But I honor your courage.

It is very likely that you were abused since you have had dreams for 16 years. Your sister is likely feeling guilty about not having been able to protect you. The two of you need to find a good counselor. Some pretty amazing things can come out of a joint session.

In the meantime, if you wish to do some very effective processing of your anxieties and maybe help yourself with sleep disorders (common among victims of child sexualized violence), I would suggest looking at the energy therapy called Emotional Freedom Techniques. It is a meridian-based protocol that is easy to learn and easy to apply. I was most touched to watch the DVD in the series where therapist Lori Lorenz spoke about her healing-- she had been part of a pedophile ring as a child, and today, after much healing, she is a therapist. She found EFT to have been the most effective, quickest way of getting through the old stuff (trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms). The EFT site has a directory of therapists for you to choose from, many of whom are psychologists. You can read a little about Lori here> http://tinyurl.com/y7vxqj and if you want to go to the DVDs that are available, you can go here> http://tinyurl.com/ycwle8 Check out the therapist directory here (many do therapy over the phone)> http://tinyurl.com/v3quq
God bless you and bring you peace!

Answer 3

How very sad for you both! Yes, you really should speak with your sister. Start off slowly, let her get used to the idea of opening up to you, since obviously it will be hard for her. She more than likely has protective feelings, but also perhaps guilt. She may feel that she's partly to blame for not protecting you, being her baby sister. She needs to know it wasn't her fault, even in your eyes. You need to know the truth. Maybe you could set aside a weekend, go away to a quiet place with just the two of you and talk it out fully. It would also be good to go together to a counsellor to discuss it and get feedback on dealing with it as adults. I think you might both benefit a great deal from it. Best of luck to you both.

Answer 4

Yes, you HAVE to ask her or else this will probably haunt you and leave you feeling even more depressed as well as guilt ridden.

You should ask her to spend the day with you and go to some of you favorite childhood places (if you have any). I say, at the end of the day (like in the evening) you should just flat out ask her. Tell her you've been haunted by some dreams of your past and you need to know..depending on where you live I'd say the beach should be a quite comforting place to ask her. Somewhere, where she won't feel intimidated or embarrassed...nor will she feel the need to run.

Answer 5

Yes, I think you should ask her. Explain that you are having troubles with depression and that you need to know so that you can get a better understanding of what happened to you (since you mentioned you were very young at the time it happened). Perhaps, if you are seeking therapy, you could ask her to come along with you. She may be keeping a lot to herself and suffering the same kinds of emotions that you are suffering. I think by coming together and talking about it, it will help both of you to learn how to cope and move on. I wish you the very best of luck.

Answer 6

I think you should ask her. Let her know that she shouldn't suffer alone and that you have been in the same position as her before. Perhaps you can seek help from someone close or someone you can trust to confide in this matter. It's not healthy to continue living like this as the past can affect on how you live in the future especially with loved ones. Hope this helps and all the best to you.

Answer 7

yes you should ask her but make sure that you explian to her how you have been feeling and what the answer can probably do for you and her. dont ask with someone around because she might not want to tell you the truth. take her to the side or on a girls day out and be sincere when you do. good luck i hope you can finally cllose that chapter in your life.

Answer 8

Yes, sit her down and let her know that she doesn't have to protect you anymore and that you really need the truth about what happened to both of you as children. Also let her know about the dream you've been having. Because if it really happened you need to know so that you can both start healing from the abuse.

Answer 9

your sister may have put the pain of the past in a safe place for her ,, in the past,, be careful about bringin up the past with her,, but do tell her if it would help you heal and her heal ( if needed) then you two can discuss anything from your past and move on to the future,, and leave it where it belongs in the past.. The past makes you who you are today,, and you have the power to set it free,, and not let it control your future! Good luck!! and look to your future!!

Answer 10

I am an abuse victim. I can honestly say that if she wanted to talk about it with you she would have. It will bring up bad memories and make her uncomfortable to mention it. Besides, if she was not abused, and you were, it would make her feel like she failed as a sister to protect you. I would not let my children alone with him. Be careful!