Would you have been offended?

Question

I don't believe in teaching my daughters to call their genitals "pet names," such as "kitty, tute tute, etc. I feel that If I teach them to call it a vagina, I would know if someone had said something/touched them if they called it a different name. Well, I was at my mom's yesterday and gave the girls a bath after dinner. After I got my oldest out she took off running. My mom said "liyah, you need to put some clothes over your kitty cat." I told her I teach them to call their genitals a vagina and she got mad. What would you have done? I told her when they were born the way I planned on teaching them about their parts. Is there any reason for her to be offended when I told her from the begining what I would teach my daughters?

That's what I don't understand. My mom is NOT a modest person. This is the same mom who invited my husband and I to her couples passion party. Also, my daughter wasn't running through her house naked. My mom has a bathroom adjoining her bedroom. My daughter only ran out of the bathroom and into the bedroom.

Answer 1

I'm not a grandmother but I know my mom has an instinct for wantig children to be raised her way. I'm sure most grandmothers do and feel they have the advantage because they've already done it.

You are very right for sticking to your guns, let her be angry. Was she mad that you are teaching them those words? or that you corrected her?

I went through many disagreements with my mom things as simple as what kind of mlk to feed my kids to discipline strategies. She felt sehe needed to teach me the way to raise my kids because i was so young. Our relationship suffered a bit, not so much the fighting, but I avoided her because of her attitude and she knew I was avoidng her.

Finally after a few years she started praising my work as a mother, my parenting shines through my kids and she had nothing to use as an I-told-you-so.

Grandparents SHOULD watch out for the best interest of their grandchildren and should be there to interfere if the babies if their health (emotionally or physically) it at risk, but YOU are the mom, yours should respect that and understand that she might disagree with how you do things from time to time but she needs to know when to step back.

You also need to understand how deeply she cares for your babies and although she might be overstepping her boundaries, she's doing it out of love.

Answer 2

I have the same philosophy as you, my daughters know that they have a vagina and an anus, and their nipples will eventually turn into breasts or boobs. Your mom should not have gotten offended as I am assuming she also has a vagina. I never told my family that was what i was teaching my kids, but when the 3 yr old went off about her vagina at christmas and how she has one but Grandpa has a penis and people were shocked, I just said..."eh whatever, i teach my kids this and you teach yours something else. No skin off my teeth." Then had a discreet conversation about privacy and boundaries, which she understand now, after a few weeks of gentle reminders.

Answer 3

Well, she was probably trying to be a little less politically correct with your daughter beings she is a young girl. I agree that it's a parents choice to decide how they want to teach their child, but you were in your mother's house and guesses are your mother probably didn't teach you to run through the house naked like that. If it were in your house, I'd say differently, but you were in your mother's house. Respect her feelings. It is her house. Sounds like she may have been uncomfortable and more modest about those type things than you are.

Answer 4

I think that is a good ideal. if something were to happen and i pray that it doesn't, your babies can tell what is really going on. More parents need to stop being "fake" with their childern in this day and age. the teaching needs to start in the home not on T.V. or the radio. Good Job Mom keep up the good work.

Answer 5

No you are the mom. And it is not offensive to call a body part by its real name. It is practical and teaches children properly. If anything if your mother is underminding your method of teaching your children, when you have already specifically told her is something for you to be offended about. it is one thing to discuss things away from the children for her to give you advice but it is bad to undermind a parent in front of the kids!

Answer 6

No there is no reason to be offended. Your mother should understand that these are your children and you will teach them what you want. Your mom also probably got offened because she's probably used to her being the only one to have a say in something.

Answer 7

I wouldn't have been offended or mad, but I would have again told her what my intent and plans are in raising the girls.
Sometimes with people in our lives we just have to accept their behavior and learn to adjust because we can't make them change and disliking what they do drives us crazy.
As I type this there's a little part inside me laughing hysterically because I have similar issues with my mom that make me nuts.

Bottom line, the girls are going to hear other people call genitalia various things throughout thier lives. As their mother you are the strongest influence in their lives and they will absorb the lessons your are working to impress upon them.

I would continue to politely and firmly advise your mother of how you wish to parent your children, and don't let it upset you when she uses terms that _she_ is more comfortable with.

Answer 8

No i think you did the right thing, theres no use calling it a "kitty cat" this implys that your vagina is somthing to be ashamed of, somthing dirty that you need a pet name for, that is instilling wrong values in you daughter, more power to you for approching it with maturity and honesty, along with showing her that there is nothing dirty or wrong about any part of her body! Good luck with everything :)

Answer 9

I think teaching them the proper name is the best way. It is difficult to maintain the list of euphemisms for those.
It may sound a bit strange to hear young children saying vagina but I wouldn't be offended by it.
I think it is a smart thing to do!

Answer 10

she's from another generation. She may be embarrassed to say vagina and way more comfortable saying kitty cat. You offended her at her home. You could have just stayed quiet and not hurt her feelings. Anyway the vagina is not the name for the whole area, just one part. You could call it their private area, all that is covered by panties.