i feel as if im loosing my son over his girlfriend.?

Question

my son has got back with his ex, even though he knows the whole of his family are against it. she has been very violent towards him on several occasions, his own brother who he was very close to has fell out with him, im so worried, he is only 21, he dose everything for her and her child, what should i do? do i keep my mouth shut or tell him what i think? i dont want to risk losing him as we have been so close.

Answer 1

At 21, he needs only one thing from his mother. Her love and unconditional support. If his brother is talking to him about the girlfriend, that is between the two of them. Take the high road... I'm sure he knows you have concerns... Just tell him you love him, you support him, and you wish nothing but the very best for him. He will make decisions throughout his life that you might or might not agree with... the one constant he will really need is knowing you're on his side.

Of course, if he shows up on your doorstep injured, or if you suspect physical abuse is happening at any given moment, a call to law enforcement would be appropriate.

Really... he needs you to trust that he can make his own decisions... and you should... until you have some evidence and can act on THAT evidence, not on what you think he should or shouldn't do.

Make sense?

Answer 2

I can relate to you so well. I just hope I am not to tired to say it well.
I have raised 3 sons and 2 daughters. I can tell you that the more you voice your opinion against someone your child seems to care about, the more drawn he will be to her.They want to defend and protect the one you are resisting. Yes I would say back away and seal your lips. That is hard to do but the other way will not work. He wants to be his own man. Pray about this and turn it over to God and leave it there. Mother you feel such a burden lifted when you can do that. Looking back to my own youth , I know I resented my familys input and I was defensive . So it was with my children too. I can tell you first hand that I thought nothing could come between my Sons & I , especially the baby son now 36 and about to be married for the first time. I have a good personality and I say pretty much what I think, about whatever the conversation is about and I steped on the daughter-in-laws toes unintensionaly and come to find out couple weeks later that my husband & I wern't welcome in her house. My son upheld her like she was God. He painted a beautiful picture of her and more or less described me as the opposite. We where all together Christmas and had a wonderful time at this sons house by invatation. They have 3 children 9,3,1..I don't walk on egg shells well but I'm learning how to talk less and listen more.I must bring this to an end. I pray for your peace of mind. He will have to make his own mistakes as much as we Mothers hate to see it, that is life. God Bless You & Have A Wonderful New Year.~~Jill

Answer 3

I think the best advice would be to let them sort it out themselves.Afterall it is their lives and we can only advise them. Its up to them if they take that advice. No matter what their own family has been through they still have to make choices, and sometimes they have to learn the hard way in the choices they have made. I have a 21yo daughter who has a baby girl aged 2 and a half, my 17 yo son has a 8 month old son to a girl 3 houses down from me. They are going through EXACTLY what your son is going through. Now because I went to help my son get out of a violent relationship I'm copping the abuse from the girlfriend and her mother. I mean if everybody else can see that things arent right between them and they aren't going to go to councelling or something there is not much us parents can do, which is a real shame.
Anyhow I am now forbidden from seeing my grandson so I don't call there I just wait for my son to come to my house around the corner so I can take him to work and his brotherinlaw as well because he got him a job, so the plot thickens even more.
I wish you all the best with your son and I hopes he can oneday see that relationships are supposed to be happy times where people bring out the best in one-another. Some just leave it to late to see the big picture.

Answer 4

You know the only way you risk losing your son is by not supporiting him. It sounds like the entire family hates this girl, so this naturally makes him have to choose between you and his girlfriend. A man and his gf/wife and child are a closer family. That is why the bible says a man leaves his mother and father to start his own family. If your other son and you want to have a good relationship again you should try to make peace with the gf.

Answer 5

At the end of the day you are his family and whatever happens you will always be linked. Its difficult to stand by and watch someone hurt the one you love but in my experience the best thing you can do is keep quiet, be there and not interfere. My very best friend is being horribly treated by her boyf and she has lost many friends who judge and tell her to leave, we are still close because i listen but dont comment. She knows she will always have me and i know one day this relationship will end, when it does i will be there for her. Your son is only 21 so i am guessing this wont last and when it does he will respect your support of him. If you speak your mind he is bound to take her side, dont comment unless you can help it and good luck x

Answer 6

i think that there is little that you can you, you should arrange a family meeting with him and have the whole family speak to him about it. Unfotunatly, if he is stubbern enough and stupid not to listen to his family, he wont listen. Sometimes, actually most time, people learn off their own mistakes. And sometimes nobody has the power to stop them from making those mistakes. I understand your worry and the fact that you don't want your son to end up in a bad situation. but at 21 years there is very little you can do to control him. Sorry to hear

Answer 7

the more u try 2 keep him away, the more he will go 2 her. i'm sorry, but this lesson he has 2 learn 4 himself. he's 21, a legal adult, and it seems like his mind is made up. try not 2 interfear, or u will lose him. i know it's hard, but just try 2 stand by HIM , not his decision 2 be with her.but keep a tight lip about this relationship. he might get his heart broke, but this is part of growing up. and in the end, it will make him smarter, & stronger.and when he brings the g/f & herchild, be nice, even tho u don't want 2.

Answer 8

Just because you are his family it doesn't give you the right to choose his partners for him. I'd be violent too if my man's family were so interfering!
Definitely keep it shut, let your son live his life and stop putting all his family against him just because you want him to be home with you all day and hate anyone who wants him away from you.

Really, have you no respect for your son's wishes? Don't you think he can choose for himself? He probably sees her because he's had enough of his interfering family.
I mean, only 21???? He's got the vote, hasn't he?

Answer 9

You have to be careful to not alienate your son in this matter. Give him your opinions without seeming too controlling or without losing your patience. Sometimes it is difficult for family members to get involved so maybe you could speak to one of his friends about the matter and ask them to make some suggestions. Sometimes, though, you have to let your children make the wrong decisions so that they can learn and then make the right decisions in the future. Seeming too controlling can just drive him away. Make sure that you are there to support your son if it does all go wrong, and make clear that you will love him whatever decision he makes.

Answer 10

of course u feel like this my son is only 4 & i feel like i,ve lost him to his nursery teachers (seriously) but alll n all wen push come to shove u will always be the most important person in his life so dont go worrying also never ever slate his new love especially in front o them oops sorry just read the rest o it know tell ur son that she is nothing but a violent tramp n get a female member o ur family to knock her senseless i know 2 wrongs dont make a right but if that was a man hittin her it would be weel diff