My daughter and son-n-law just gave birth to their 2nd child. They are great parents. My daughter relies a lot on her PC for information, she is in several chat rooms with other young mothers, along with support groups, updates on child care, etc. A lot has changed sense we had our children, new discoveries, toys, interventions, etc. I enjoy learning all the new approaches, and respect my daughters judgement and her decisions concerning her children. However her mother-n-law does not. This is creating problems all the way around. Any suggestions on how she can get her mother-n-law to understand that she is the mother and the one who calls the shots concerning her children without being aggressive, or rude. Thus causing even more problems. All suggestions welcome.
2007-01-07 12:08:57 · 12 answers · asked by mo 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I've been their and done it. The number one thing is she is going to have to stand up for herself. Telling the husband want do any good I promise her mother-in-law will respect her if she does this because she doesn't want to lose her son or her grandchildren. But she will have to tell her off one good time and when she is finished all she has to say is we love you BUT this is our children and our Home! The mother-in-law will respond and if not just keep reminding her of the same thing until it gets through her head. It worked for me. I tried not to be mean but enough was enough.
2007-01-07 12:21:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel the most important thing is NOT to make a big issue of this, for it will only cause greater division & hostility. Nor would I, (not knowing the nature of the father), depend on his support. granny made a sound psychological point--try to make the mother-in-law feel "included" while your daughter continues to maintain her judgements & decisions. There is no NEED for a confrontation. The mother-in-law will see over time, that this is being done, that she has no authority, & I believe it can be resolved with civility--no "Let's get together & have this out" sort of thing. VERY destructive. Water off a duck's back sort of thing? You're on the right track about "causing more problems." Sometimes we feel we need to "take ACTION" when this isn't necessary at all. One more thing--the more her ideas are blatantly rejected, the more aggressive she'll become.
2007-01-07 13:13:58 · answer #2 · answered by Psychic Cat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best way to work around this issueis that your daughuyter sit down with her mother-in law and tell her how she and her son really appreciate any advice that she can provide in regards to rearing the young ones, however with the changes in society and technology her hsband and her know what is right for their own children and no harm will come to them. Then your daughter could finish off again with any advice will be taken into consideration,only if it sounds reasonable. This it what psychologists call the sandwich effect. When a person want to express their concern to another person they say a positive, a negative or their conern and then another positive. So i reality you are sanwiching yur wants and needs inthe middle of two positives. I sincerely hope things improve, because your grandchildren are what is most important!
2007-01-07 12:15:16 · answer #3 · answered by ANASTASIA_NIKOLAIEVNA_ROMANOVA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, tell your daughter to tell her that she not only does not need her help, but she also does not need her advice. Also that she needs to keep her nose out of raising the children, as she is not the mother of these children. If she does like it, tough stuff. She might have to get rude. Be straight to the point and do not back down.
2007-01-07 12:14:22 · answer #4 · answered by m c 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to take what the mother in law says in stride. Have her agree to her face, but then ultimately make the decision herself (and with the father's input). She needs to be prepared to defend her decision to the mother in law if it comes to that point, however.... which in the long run will make her a stronger person, if you think about it.
2007-01-07 12:10:50 · answer #5 · answered by Laura C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is going to take some involvement from your son-in-law and a stronger backbone for your daughter. Being assertive--"I appreciate your input, but, as my child's mother, I'm going to have to insist that we do this my way"--doesn't mean being aggressive. If she doesn't stand up for herself, her mother-in-law is going to win this power struggle.
2007-01-07 12:13:01 · answer #6 · answered by Yo' Mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your daughter to ask her opinion on some things(she does not really have to listen)that will make her feel important.she might even learn to understand the new ways of child care.i was very upset when my daughter started to do things differant then i did,but soon understood,i was jelouse things were not that way with mine.good luck.
2007-01-07 12:22:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
just use the line I gave my two girls........
"Interesting idea, I'll think about it."
They acknowledged they listened, but still leave the final decision to themselves. Most people are appeased just knowing you listened to them. If this MIL can't be satisfied with that, then your daughter may just have to be rude. Some thick heads wont take a hint!
2007-01-07 12:13:00 · answer #8 · answered by momwithabat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ya tell her that her advice will be concidered but her final decision on what is best for her n her child is and will always be HER decision . and that she will raise her child the way she feels fit. thats the mild version. i would just say ...its my child, u raised ur own as will I.
2007-01-07 12:12:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe seeing is believing, try to include her in with some of the research, but don't expect her to jump in with both feet, I'll bet she keeps one on terra firma.
won't know if you don't try.
2007-01-07 12:12:59 · answer #10 · answered by blueJean 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋