Is it unreasonable for me to tell my father-in-law to find a place of his own?

Question

My father-in-law has been living with us for 2 years. He has a job that earns very little money, therefore, he can't afford rent on his own place. I suggested to my husband that he could have a roommate or rent a bedroom at a home.
My husband and I have been married for 10 years and it seems that we always have someone living with us. I just want some time to ourselves.
Am I too cold hearted?

He currently has a full-time job. He also has a car so he can transport himself. Does not need any assistance.

Answer 1

Its not cold hearted at all as long as you approach it in the right way. You definitely do not want to be harsh or make him feel as though he is a burden on you. There may come a time in his life when he HAS to rely on you and you won't want that to be uncomfortable for him. Perhaps the 3 of you should sit down together and go over some different options. Make it seem as though it is as much for his benifit as it is for your own. If he is able to take care of himself; cook, clean, remember to take meds and such he probably has no place in a home. On the other hand if he does need a lot of help with day to day activities you wouldn't want to shove that responsibility off on a room-mate/stranger. Talk to your husband first then explain to your father-in-law why you want to find other options at this time. Just make sure that everyone is equally comfortable with whatever arrangement you decide upon. After all this is your husbands father. Consider how you might think of it differently if it were your father.

Answer 2

Is it unreasonable to tell your Father-in-law to find a place of his own, you ask? Where did he used to live before he moved in with you and your Husband? He is working, but does not make enough money to rent a room for himself. I do not understand why, you as you say always having people living in your home, Why have you permitted other people to live in your home, what privacy do you and your husband have? You do not mentioned if you have children, but nevertheless, your father-in-law is old enough to know better than to intrude in the marriage of both of you. Mentioned to your husband to tell his father that you need to be alone as a couple, and that he needs to find somewhere else to live, and stick to your decision. I do not think that you are cold hearted, about this, you should have put your foot down a long time ago. From now on do not let anyone try to get free rent with you because there are people that do not want to worry about where they are going to live since there are people like you and your husband that will solve all their problems.

Answer 3

You are not too cold hearted! You married your husband - not your husband's father. Do you and your husband own the fact that you father-in-law makes little money and can't afford rent? Listen, your father-in-law doesn't have a problem because you and your husband took it from him. You worry, you're stressed out, confused and hurt. He has a place to stay, food to eat, a bed to sleep in - NO PROBLEM! He won't change until you give him a problem. Some professional counseling might show you some ways to give him back his problem. Stop being a doormat to others. Set some rules, limitations and boundaries in your life. You will be glad that you did!

Answer 4

No I don't thank you are cold hearted you just want to spend time with your husband. But you have to approach this very carefully this is your husbands father and I'm assuming he has no one else. Remember your husband loves him and you and this is probably putting him in a tight bind. Save up some money and first you and your husband take a week long vacation nothing fancy just a hotel and you don't even have to leave your town. Just be with each other for a week and then see if things feel a little better for you.

Answer 5

It is not unreasonable for you to feel that way. YOu need to tell your husband. His Dad can get some assistance paying rent if he makes low wages. He can also get food stamps. Stop letting people live with you. Just say no. I know this has got to be horrible on you. I could not live like that, the guy needs to get his own place. You need a real home, not a hotel.

Answer 6

Think of yourself 20-30 years from now when your kids have grown up. You have nowhere else to go to, your son loves you but your daughter-n law would rather throw you in the garbage.
Would you be happy to be dumped like garbage? if so do what you think is best, but remember history repeats itself.
By throwing your father-in-law out, your actually teaching your own kids that some day when your old its okay to get rid of you like something useless.
Another thought, if your father-in-law during his life time, kept all his earnings to himself, your husband would not be someone worth marrying and you would'nt be together.

Answer 7

Of course not. Move his *** out. Don't let him stay with you out of guilt. Look at the big picture, do you want your father-in-law still living with you in 10 years.
Talk to your Husband, then both of you talk to his father. Give his father a time period and then if he still doesn't move pack his things and put them on the front lawn. And no do not lead money to him.

Answer 8

No you are not cold hearted. All grown adults need their own place if they are not married. It's not fair for him to take advantage of your good nature and your ideas are great. Give him a time line and stick to it. If he works then he should be saving money for the day to move.

Answer 9

Cold hearted? NOT AT ALL!!! I wonder why your hubby feels he has to always have someone else around!? Married people NEED alone time, period. You need to sit hubby down and tell him you no longer want roomies and ask him "do you want to ask Dad to leave or do you want me to". If he protests then you need to find out why. Don't back down. Hubby needs to know it's not O.K. and action needs to be taken.

Answer 10

You are not cold-hearted more like very very pleasant to let someone stay in your home for two years and YES!!! tell him he need to find his own place, !!! or rent or somethin!!!!!