help with husbands sorry ex wife?

Question

Ok I will try and give as many details as I can with out making this too long. My husband has 2 kids from a previous mairrage. One of them is a 10 yr old girl. she is failing reading. Has been for the whole term (9wks). She lives with her mother. I think at her age if she is failing its because she is not getting enough or any help from home. Cara(the 10yr old) hates to read and so she will race through a book or just make excuses not to read. She comes here only on weekends and i have her read out loud so she can get the reading in she needs. Her mother doesnt seem to care. She is one of those parents that keeps her kids cause it makes her look good to others but i dont think she cares much for them. We tried to get custody 6 months ago and it took social workers 6 mos to evaluate her and by then she had cleaned up her act and told us now she looks good so there was nothing we could do to win them over. I need help How do we get these kids to do better when there mom wont

what can we do to help them learn and is there any way we can get custody of them. She claims her younget daughter has a illness and gets social security for her every month how do we get her caught on this so she can have to pay it back . I know we can get custody then . And for those of you who say we just hate her mom we dont I just dont think she cares enough to do the right thing for these kids and they are paying the price not her

First off her dad has talked to her about it The MOM just says i know I will take care of it and hasnt. He is the one talking to her not me I am just asking the ? Im not her mother and I know that HOlly I dont appreciate the HE AND SHE comments. You dont have kids or an ex to deal with I bet

he didnt have a place to live 7yrs ago when the divorced so he didnt fight for custody and I thhink you can tell when a child has cerebal palsy. The seisures and physical disabilityies let alone the learning disabilities would show up. And she has NO signs of any of that

Answer 1

Wow! Well you certainly have your plate full. Then again you walked into this marriage knowing it wouldn't be easy I'm sure.

What I would do in this situation is try to focus on the children while they are at your house. As long as the ex has custody there is really nothing you can do about the influence. Reward the children when they do really good things, like making good grades from studying at your house, and try to make them feel they can talk to you about anything. That would be one way of trying to win over their cooperation. Deep down children know who really cares about them. They're just too young to express it in the manner you are looking for.

As for the monthly SSI payment (I'm assuming this is what you are talking about), the only way you can report her is if you know for a fact that she is fraudulently fooling the government. Normally you have to have two reasons for getting government disability, but that may vary by each state. If you know that she is making them up, then call the local social security office and ask where you can report a fraudulent claim. I'd really hate to hear if it were true that her child doesn't have a disability and she's getting monthly checks acting like her child has problems.

Answer 2

Well first request a copy of her medical charts as her father that should not be a problem and have another doctor look them over and or have the child checked out by another doc after he reads the charts to get a second opinion. Not sure what state you are in but get a lawyer if it means that much to you(which i can tell it does... good for you) But the thing that always helped me through school is a teacher talking the book up and then i would read it. Kids dont like to read if they arent interested in it. Find out what she is interested in and pic out a book or go together and pick one out and set aside like an hour a day where everyone reads or if there are young kids in the house that cant read have mom or dad take them for a walk and you two stay home and read and if she has questions you can help answer them. Not sure of her reading level or skill but you can start out small and work towards a chapter. Have her read it on her own. Make it fun. Get the niffty book and maybe a cool bean bag where she can read and dont forget the spiffy book mark. Thats how I got my 12 year old step daughter to read and she is doing much better. She just finished the book the Hatchet. Hope this helped.

Answer 3

First of all, you should keep your comments about their mother in your mind only. Calling her "sorry" tells people that you guys have a sour relationship. And that's okay. Even though you may not vocalize these feelings, children can feel your animosity towards their mother.

Now for your question, you should just do what you can when they visit. Otherwise, you are going to drive yourself crazy trying to figure out how to get custody or change her attitude about her children. Try your best to take them to the 1/2 price book stores or stock up on as many book as you can at your house. Get some workbooks and try a reward system. Maybe if they read so many books, they can go to their favorite restaurant. Spend some time at the library. There are lots of activities you can do for your stepdaughters to encourage reading and success. As far as custody you and your husband can hire an attorney in a few months to reevaluate the case to see if the system will award custody. Just remember that usually the judge awards custody to the mother (unless there is a gross representation of abuse).

Answer 4

Try a reading tutor.

They could also get enthused to read by getting books according to things that interest them. I have taken my kids to the Half Price book store and library alot since they were very little. Books have always been a source of fun. Since they were little, i think the excitement of all the colorful books enthused them. My older daughter likes the Pyramids and Astronomy, so she gets all kinds of stuff like that. My youngest likes to cook, so she gets cook books, and follows the recipes.

So take them on these outings to the library and book store. I would even see if they like doing crafts, and then buy them a book in which they would have to follow the directions. Do this when they are visiting.

Hope this helps, because if it doesn't speak up.
I am a reading teacher, and know that interest is the key to reading.

Answer 5

Maybe have your husband call the school and see if he can get the one girl in to see a tutor or get special help with reading. If you don't have custody..I'm not sure there is much you can do but try to work with the school or even hire a tutor. If there are other problems your husband should keep a log of what goes on and if he chooses to he could take her back to court and express his concern for his children's well being. I'm not sure how far that would get him but make sure he keeps of log of everything that goes on esp the things that aren't very good and he is concerned with. hope this helps even a little bit. good luck.

Answer 6

Has the father talked to her Mom about it?

Her FATHER should talk to the girls teacher and ask what HE can do to help when he has her. He should also ask her to speak with the Mom if he is unable to do so for whatever reason. This is absolutely an issue that should be addressed, and it's great that you're helping out when you can, but it should be addressed and discussed between the PARENTS of the child... meaning her mother and father. You can then discuss with your husband what they've agreed too and help out when she's at your home with him.

Leave the custody things alone. They are probably better off with their Mother... if that's what was decided. The divorce was probably traumatic enough ... imagine being seperated from YOUR Mom. You are not their mother. You can be a guide and role model in their life... but don't try to take over that role. It's not healthy. Just provide parenting SUPPORT to your husband.

Answer 7

when you have the kids take them to the library to pick out a book to read and a video to watch that night, let them see the other kids there age at the library reading and looking for books.

Give them a magazine subscription for a gift. something like sports for kids, teen vogue so that they will start to read and enjoy the magazine.

don't get her caught it will cause hurt with the kids and they are surely stress with the fighting going on now. Just let them know that you both care and love them

Answer 8

It sucks but your hitting your head against a brick wall. I have been there done that. My husbands daughter flunked 5 and 6th grade. Unless his ex is abusing these girls there is nothing you can do, unless you get an awsome judge. Just be there for the girls when you have them and maybe you can be nice to the mom and maybe she will let you have them a couple days a week. I'm sorry I know how it feels to love someone elses daughter and you hate to see anything bad happen to them and there is nothing you can do to help them.

Answer 9

I am going through the same thing. Except my step son is 12. Neither his mom or dad are very good readers. One thing I do is make him read out loud with me. I read one page and he reads the next. He has lived with us, but when he gets mad (mainly at me) he gets to move back to his mom's house. But when he lived with us, I got him into a program at school that gave him extra reading time and help. He still doesn't like to read, but he does do better, because I read with him, not to him, on the weekends he is here.

Answer 10

She needs a tutor which you and your husband may have to pay for. The school also needs to take responsibility, in my daughters school if the kids are behind they go into a program to pick their reading up. I agree she needs to read each night to her mum and you guys in weekends. Sounds like mum and daughter are a little lazy. I would get your husband to talk to the school. I wonder if threatening her with being kept back in school, then she wont be with friends, it may also be a little embarrassing for her. Good luck