are looking for a long term relationship, would you be willing to wait to have sex until after you were married to that person being that you were the one who wanted to "take it slow" when it came to marriage? It seems everyone wants to take it slow when it comes to committment and marriage but want to have sex on the second date. Why does anyone understand what take it slow means? I don't want to come across as a cold person who isn't interested in sex but if they guy wants to take it slow in committing to me, than I'm going to take it slow to in having sex with him. Why shouldn't a guy have to wait for sex if the woman has to wait for marriage? After all if they guy is so anxious to have sex, why not just get married?
2007-01-07 11:06:39 · 4 answers · asked by reallyfedup 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I know alot of people are going to say marriage is a serious thing, but to me so is sex.
2007-01-07 11:07:31 · update #1
i agree yes i would wait (i did wait until i was married -- i was a virgin) and while i dont consider sex to be the be all and end all my ladies wishes are much more important --- if she wants to wait until we are married then i will wait
2007-01-07 11:18:01 · answer #1 · answered by trader1867 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me, neither marriage OR sex are important, but as a race, we make them so.
Let's look at the two...
On the one hand we have a human ritual - marriage. Why do people marry? The traditional and accepted answer is 'out of love', but I say that if you truly loved, it would be IMPOSSIBLE for you to marry.
Marriage means being exclusive to ONE person; commitment to ONE person; expecting ONE person to follow certain rules of behaviour and conduct and thereby limiting their personal freedom. To me, all of this is the very denial of the concept of love. To me, love means inclusion and not exclusion (this is not to be construed as advocating promiscuity or permissiveness). By that, I mean love is something all pervading and cannot be turned on and off at will. People say love is the opposite of hate, but I say these things are outwith the bounds of opposites. If you really 'love', how can hate exist at all? How can you say "I love you, but hate him". This can't be, can it? Love is supposed to be a reflection of the principle of ultimate goodness, so surely hate or exclusion cannot be any part of it, can it?
If this is the case, then how can you ask someone or expect someone to be devoted to YOU ALONE? Surely if you love someone, then you ask nothing from them, except that they be happy, no? That means that 'cheating' does not exist, because if they found someone else that they happened to be attracted to physically or simply socially, then surely your LOVE for them could not condemn this. Love does not require reciprocation. Your love would therefore be unconditional and could not make demands, which is after all, what marriage implies, doesn't it? To me, marriage is little more than a business arrangement, where the taking of vows is an exercise in absurdity and egotism. You cannot know what your future holds, so how can you honour such artificial assertions? Aren't they just made out of fear and possessiveness? You fear being alone and therefore need to hold onto someone. The act of marriage makes this human failing legal and is more often than not sanctified by some religion as well. To me this is anathema. We are social creatures and if you are physically attracted to someone, have things in common with them and need companionship, then that's fine - live with them, but do not try to get them to 'tie the knot'. Even that phrase shows how love has no part of marriage, because it implies restriction, whereas love is free.
As for sex...
This is a biological urge that men and women have to continue the species. It is just the same as in the animal kingdom. Granted, the urge is nearly always stronger in men, but where we differ from the animals is that our culture encourages the urge, even when it probably wouldn't be operating. We've turned a natural bodily instinct into 'a pleasurable past time' and this is where the trouble starts!
At the end of the day, sex requires two people to be consenting and if you are not, that is the end of the story. However, if your refusal is down to the whole marriage and commitment thing, then you are at least partially responsible for your problem.
Sorry to be such a downer and apparent know-it-all. I am not trying to be and if you see anything wrong in what I've said, be free to point it out. Good luck in any case.
P.S.
What happened to the wooly hat from your avatar? I thought it was cute! ;-)
2007-01-08 19:17:27 · answer #2 · answered by Oliver T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean, but luckily I've found a guy who is willing to wait and we've already told ourselves that we won't until we're married. Pleasure can be a hard thing to not want, but if someone really loves you then they'll wait. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year which in the big picture is still a short time but we're very serious about each other and I know he's the one, that's why I'd wait for him forever and that's why he's doing the same for me.
Trust me, the good guys are still out there, you just have to look.
2007-01-07 19:12:54 · answer #3 · answered by Pyrai 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
not my expertise =(
2007-01-07 19:15:27 · answer #4 · answered by Evelyn F 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋