13yr old son, sooo lazy???

Question

My son is making me so mad these days, he is so lazy, it's a fight to make him do his chores, I'm getting so angry and of course, I hear myself using the guilt tactics my mother used to use on me, and I don't want to do this,(that's fine, I'll just do it all myself, etc)
I know there are worst things he could be doing, but, this and his mouth are really getting to me, and his room....don't get me started, just need some parental empathy...:(

Answer 1

Talk to him. if he doesnt change.

Ground him. For about two weeks.

Then if he still doesnt at least make a lil change ground him till he does

Grounding means.......No T.v., no game, no play outside, no computer, and no phone

Answer 2

Start by employing an earn as you go program. Take the tv out of his room. And he can earn the right to have it in there by doing this chore everyday etc. Or if no tv in the room take away tv time. Make him read a book instead that way you get him working his mind too. Dont take the guff from him. If he starts using a nasty mouth then take away dinner let him go to bed without dinner (of course it depends on how bad it is). Send him to his room. But make sure his room isnt like a game room cuz really how is that punishment? I had a friend whos son was doing the same thing and slamming doors cussing her out and while he was at school we took all the doors off the hinges and took eveything out of his room. He was allowed a bed desk and blankets he had to earn everything back and let me tell you that was two years ago and he has never crossed that line again.

Answer 3

II am a parent in my late 20's, and that puts me in a situation to remember what it was like when I was 13.

Honestly, I was just like your son, I backtalked to my mother, never did anything but play video games, didn't want to do homework, and was getting overweight.

I will be speaking based on the typical 13 year old boy mindset, what I had, what my friends had, etc.

Guilt tactics do not work for the most part, at this age kids are very selfish and are only thinking about themselves, this is where the predicament comes from in the first place.

The laissez faire apprach to parenting should not be taken by most parents. Children in the old days were not allowed to get away with a tenth of what kids these days do, and guess what, they are better for it, and their morals and sense of right and wrong are strong.

I'm not saying beat your children, but this tactic of home is a safe haven and the parent should serve the child is way off and does not work.

Children learn knowledge and skills at school, they learn responsibility, morals, and good sense at home.

Peer pressure is NOT that bad, if you as a parent instill good sense into your child, then he will have no problem avoiding it, and trust me I was far from sheltered, I grew up in the inner city.

As a more direct answer to your question, be a parent. If he talks back to you, take away some of his privilages. If he has a cell phone, video game system, internet etc. take it away. If he swears at you, slap him, as that should not be tolerated. It only shows that he can get away with it, and it builds in him a disrespect for authority which can hurt him in the future. Grounding does work, and only does not work if you as a parent are not convincing enough in your ability to take control.

Make sure he does his homework when he gets home from school. Make him set the table and take out the garbage. Once he does his chores, sure let him do what he wants within reason such as video games etc. Let him go to the movies or what not if he has been good. If not, don't. You are the parent, the first few weeks may be tough as he will recognize you are trying something different and he obviously wants to be the boss and keep things his way, but eventually he will learn he cannot win.

You cannot be soft as a parent, you must be stern but loving. My parents were very soft on me as a young child, I got away with murder. I was spoiled rotten. That did not help me prepare for life one bit, and you are only setting up your child for failure if this continues. I had to learn these thingst through my friend's parents, watching them, and having many of them take me under their wing and show me love with responsibility. I cannot stress enough the importance of "tough" love, which these days is called tough but it used to be the norm of raising a child.

Kids don't need friends, they have enough of them. No matter how you act, your child will be rebellious, it is a part of growing up. Be strong, be caring, be a parent.

Answer 4

My son is 13 and acts the SAME way. However, I do make him do certain chores and/or at least help me do stuff around the house. Don't get me wrong, he has at least twelve different arguments about why he shouldn't have to do things, but being the parent I put my foot down and threaten him (no games, no phone calls, etc.) and he eventually sees things my way. You just have to hang in there and remember you are the parent. Sure it might be easier to do it yourself, but sometimes they have to learn how to do things themselves. After all one day they will grow up and move out and you want to make sure they know the basic skills.

Don't worry if you sound like your mother, as long as she doesn't know you think that you will be fine ;)

Answer 5

I'm a seventeen year old son and I STILL treat my parents this way! My room? You can't even see the floor. But at least its because I have so many books and read so much that I have nowhere to put them. I'm not saying don't teach him things like responsibility and such like that; that's your job. But too often, in my opinion, parents worry about things like "Is my son getting an A?" rather than "I'm glad my son has character and didn't cheat to get one". Stuff like that. Almost all kids have messy rooms. Try as much as you want, hes not going to really change. Take me. I was terrible at being on time for school. I got so many Saturday Schools for it that I was technically supposed to be transferred out of my school to another local high school. (I attend a very prestigious public school) But they didn't do it because I'm a great kid and they knew it. I didn't learn to be on time until I got my first job at In-n-out. I loved (and still love) my job so much, but I was late 21/28 days for my first month. They told me I would lose my job if I didn't rectify the problem immediately. I have only been late once since then, and its been since August. In conclusion, worry about the big things: Is my son a good kid? Is he honest? Will he have the attributes necessary to be a strong adult? (Not 'does he keep his room clean', but does he have good judgment, does he exercise good morals, etc) In my opinion stuff like that is much more important. Like I said, I am an absolutely astounding kid (lol so egotistical to say that, but I am) who never gets into trouble. My room is also a mess and my mom just twenty minutes ago was yellin and screamin at me, as usual, to clean up my pan from eating scrambled eggs for Track training. Step back, realize whats important, and focus on that. But I do understand your pain- we kids are a pain in the butt. But you'll be really glad when we turn out well, right?

Answer 6

Keep in mind who the adult is here. Start yanking his privileges; video games, internet, TV. Stop it all at once if you have to. Let him know who the boss is and who runs the household, it's definitely not a 13 yr old punk. Get a handle on him now, or it's just going to get harder down the road.

He may scream and holler for a week or two, but he'll get the message. Don't give in, in fact, have fun with his nonsense. Make it a game, that's the only thing he probably relates to anyway.

Answer 7

He is growing and maturing, he has alot to go through, being a kid is not as easy as you preceive it to be, as if peer presure wasnt enough, he thinks home is where he can get away from it all.
teens need about 10 hours of sleep a day,i am not saying that he doesnt have to do chores, remember spare the rod, spil the child, GROUNDING DOES NOT WORK, it only makes a child more rebelious, but if you instill fear into him all things will come into place.
and as crazy as this sounds put him in a martial arts class that usuallly calms them down.

Answer 8

Hi go to the link below and you can see some very good books which give very good guidlines on how to talk to and get allong with your kids. These books are avalable both sides of the atlantic. Good luck

Answer 9

the lads could desire to proportion a room. The sixteen year old ought to place up a combat yet at 12 and thirteen the extra youthful youngsters are slightly too old to be sharing a room with somebody of the choice intercourse.

Answer 10

its okay i have a boy and a girl and their th same my girl is a tomboy and they both gang up on me!!!! i really need help! lol