If you're a parent will you please help with a family "dispute"?

Question

Would you let your pubescent 12 year old son or daughter go to a boy/girl party at the home of someone you don't know?

(Parents only please, I unfortunately know the opinion of the 12 year old.)

Brian B - Are you a parent?

Actually the party was on Friday night, I heard him complaining to one of his friends that I'm "over protective". His friend said she got to go and her parents didn't know the parents of the girl having the party. I think 12 is too young for a boy/girl party.

Answer 1

You are most likely facing pressure from your 12 year old, and want to please him or her. But remember: YOU ARE THE PARENT. What you say goes, and without question! There are some red flags here. You don't know the parents, what type of environment the home has, criminal element, if there are guns in the house, if they are very permissive or not, what their stance on chaperoning is...yadayada. There is an abundant amount of don't knows going on,,,even your gut feeling hasn't been given a chance to make an impression. But it sounds as if you are questioning because you presented it here. So why are you questioning? If you were fine with it you wouldn't. Obviously you have to listen to yourself and do what you need to to get your questions answered before you let your kid go. OK OK a boy/girl party is fine and dandy. But with certain guidelines, rules, safety being a key issue. 12 year olds today have had to grow up quicker than us, except not in mature ways. They have access to drugs and alcohol widely! They are having sex at ages 12 and older. They are pressured to join gang mentality. They have few role models that are positive, just MTV culture. Please call the parents. Please go to the house and view the environment. Please ask the questions of them because that is your job as a parent. You cannot cow tow to your child. Your child will probably be embarrassed and maybe upset. But you have to risk the short wrath if you want a child who is alive and healthy. When they are 18 they can make their own decisions. Believe me, children act upset but more deeply they feel more secure with a firm parent with firm rules, such as: "If you are to attend a party, I must first check out the environment and speak to the parents" NO if's and's or but's. Also think of this: 12 year olds are only two years older than 10. Pretty young yet, they are children with adult hormones that make them feel out of control, and make decisions based on hormones. They need us to guide them through this time. Please include your child in on this conversation, listen to him or her, validate their opinions, but stand firm in what you believe. Good luck

Answer 2

Hello! well i would meet the parents like you said and discuss what the plans are for the party are they going to be in the room the whole time what they will be serving how many kids where invited if other adults are helping with supervision etc and ask any other questions that you would like to know with my daughters friends i have asked parents a whole lot of questions even some semi personal ones and told them i am sorry and hope i don't offend you but i feel the need to know in order for me to know my daughter is safe some of these have included: do you smoke and if so will you do it around the kids? if any of the adults will be drinking even slightly while watching the kids? do you own a gun ? how is it kept safe? what type of dog do you have? and if any older children and adults will be there how many and who? older siblings may have friends at a younger sibling party so you want to know if a bunch of 15 year olds will be running around. i have never had a parent get angry with me for asking these questions and had a few tell me wow you gave me a few More that are important to ask and even tell your child that you may stay for a hour or so just to see how things are going and if it feels right then you will leave and if it does not your staying and that's that and so they still get to go you feel a little better about it so everyone wins!

Answer 3

No but maybe you go and meet the parents of the child having the party. Then maybe next time there is a party you would feel more comfortable letting your child go. If the parents were not going to be home supervising then no way would I let a 12 yr old attend.

Answer 4

No, I wouldnt put my child in that situation, even at 13 or 14. It's just too risky,especially if you dont know the family or the other guests-your kids might get angry-but there is plenty of time for them to grow up-let them enjoy being kids. They may get angry,but I would stick to my guns-they can always explain it to their friends using you as the excuse "my parents wont let me"- when I was 13 my mother would not let me attend a party and it turned out one of the girls was molested by a boy who crashed the party. I have 2 daughters now and I am extremely diligent about who they spend time with-and they dont always like it. If I am not sure about the families of their friends, I tell the girls they can always have friends over at our house.Good luck and I hope this helps a little.

Answer 5

Well, you have to let them go sometime. :) I went through this with my daughter. I didn't hesitate to call the parents of the 12 year old giving the party and ask questions, such as how many adults will be there, what ages of kids will be there, etc.. If it's a responsible parent giving the party, they won't mind answering your questions. If it's a parent that seems flippant or amused by your questions, that isn't an atmosphere where you'd want to send your 12 year old. Trust your instincts!

Answer 6

I would at least want to meet the parents and see if any other parents know them. You're the parent, you have to do what YOU think is best. Myself, I think 12 is a bit young, but as a parent of 2 girls, I'm sure I will be saying the same when they are 18, lol..

If you don't feel comfartable with it,don't let him/her go...

Answer 7

Well I wouldnt want my kid to go to anyones house that I didnt know regaurdless of the activity. Find out if you can meet the family hosting the event, if not then no they obviously have something to hide. But don't be scared just because it is a boy/girl party. Just call the parent/s hosting the party and ask a few questions. If you decide to let them go just make sure to set some ground rules (curfew most importantly) and make sure that your kid knows its ok to call you if they become uncomfortable and that they know that you wont judge them harshly for trying to make the right decisions (Ex: a friend of mines son called her and said everyone at the party was coupling up and going into dark rooms together and he didnt want to, he called his mom, she picked him up and not another word was said about it, as a kid you want to be able to make a quiet exit.)

Answer 8

i would if there was going to be a parent there and it was in the day time.. and after i have met them and only if the child in question was not the type to get into trouble...i have 2 girls 15 and 20 ..me and my ex never let our oldest child do anything not even ride her bike around the block as soon as she was 18 she got married .. a very big mistake..when i divorce my husband i took the younger child with me.. i let her do some of the stuff i never let my oldest do and what i got was a daughter that is a honor student and would rather spend the day on the computer on her web sites than sitting around the house dreaming about boys..

Answer 9

I would, but only if i met the parents or adult that is going to be supervising the party and i thought that the 12 year old was responsible and could be trusted

Answer 10

I wouldn't until I meet the parents and am sure that they will be with the kids at all times. And then I'd call my child a few hundred times during the party to make sure everything is O.K.