My fiance and I are planning to get married in June. I have done all the planning myself so far. Any time I ask for any help or even just an opinion he gets really angry with me, blows up and starts a fight over nothing. He says he wants to marry me but I feel like I am planning this entire wedding for myself, it's making me sad. He won't even give me a list of who he plans on inviting. How can I get him to not fight with me when I need a question answered about the plans. It's like walking on egg shells. I've asked if he wants to post pone it but he says no.
2007-01-07 10:20:46 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
This is not going to be a "big" wedding and I am not the "bridezilla" type either. I am down to earth and just want an intimate fun ceremony/reception.
2007-01-07 10:44:33 · update #1
Accept that there are some men just not into picking out flowers & bridemaid's colosr.
That is not what concerns me. First it is both of your wedding. He should be remotely interested because it means something to YOU.
And not telling you who he's inviting is tying your hands. How have you been able to find the proper venue and all the other planning?
There is something else going on here, but not knowing you it's hard to make an assumption.
Has his behavior or personality changed in recent months/ weeks?
Sit him down when both of you are rested & unstressed, look him square in the eyes and get some answers.
Otherwise, I'd postpone the wedding.
2007-01-07 10:27:50 · answer #1 · answered by weddrev 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, there are so many red flags waving you need to step back, and think long and hard about marrying this man. Your wedding is something that the two of you plan....together! You are about to embark on, hopefully, a lifetime committment. If he doesn't want to participate and take half the responsibility then you should rethink marrying him. If he flies off the handle and picks fights with you now, and you're not even married, what do you think it will be like once you are?
If you're like most young people, you'll be starting a family at some point. How are the two of you going to raise happy children if you can't agree on simple wedding ideas?
As much as you may love this man, please don't make the mistake of getting into a marriage that you might end up regretting. You need to tell him if he can't give you some help and take some responsibility then the wedding is off.
How will you know how much food, seating or anything else if you don't have an idea of how many people to invite?
2007-01-07 10:30:57 · answer #2 · answered by Arleen J 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you need a mediator, a good friend or an unbiased family member and then broach the subject in front of them -Or maybe write him a letter expressing your concern and asking him the crucial questions you feel he needs to answer in order for him to make a clear contribution to the day. Maybe you have got caught up in the whole fairy tale and you have left him out? Is he a man who doesn't say what he thinks very easily? They sometimes need you to ask the questions then leave them for a few days before you expect the answer. (I'm not saying men are stupid i just find that if they feel annoyed they usually need to feel this and then be able to come back at a later date with their opinion on the subject.) They can't emote and argue logically at the same time.
Worst case scenario he doesn't want to get married and he hasn't got the balls to cancel or post pone and he's being foul to you so you will do it and then he can blame you for it and make out it wasn't him it was you who couldn't get it together or make the commitment. Sorry I hope this is not the case but I've seen it happen.
Finally, if he really is like this ( and you are not nagging him {Ask yourself honesty if you have/ haven't been?}) and this is the way he deals with an important issue you might like to rethink the whole thing - Does he treat you respectfully most of the time. (By respect I mean being loving and thoughtful of your needs) If he's fighting just cause you ask a question it doesn't bode well for your lives together. Good Luck
2007-01-07 10:36:28 · answer #3 · answered by mickylee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to know the truth i would tell him that your okay with putting the Wedding for a later time so that you both can be ready. Tell him that you are but that you want him to be as ready as you are. Maybe he wants out but you are not listening to the signs. If he reassures you that it is not what the problem is then. If I were you I would just be happy that he is not making you do lots of things his way. Just be happy that he is not adding and that he is willing to go with what ever you want. About the guests just tell him to tell at least tell you that part because you don't want to leave anyone that is important to him out of the list. Really this may seem big but you really should just be happy that he loves you and is willing to let you make all the decisions. Women all say it is my wedding day and when the men let them do it all they get all upset. Men have been told over and over by women that it is their wedding and their day. So he is letting you have it all. He will just show up and be your husband.
Don't get him mad and don't start off by making him resent this wedding.
2007-01-07 10:33:22 · answer #4 · answered by LittleDaisy. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think his style would be eloping, by the sounds of it. He has no energy and does not want to get caught up in it.
I think you are planning it and he is fine with that.
Most guys don't want to say anything, cause if something goes wrong some fiances go ballistic.
Continue this on your own with help from family, gfs and wedding party.
Get a list of his buds from his best man, Present it to him and tell him to add or subtract.
He might be upset at all the money being spent and just wants this whole thing done and over,
I know it is your dream to plan all this, but it isn't his, unfortunately.
If he will not comply with your questions of who to invite, then make your own guest list and go forth with it.
2007-01-07 10:28:34 · answer #5 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think there may be a couple of things happening. First did you talk to him about the kind of wedding he wants. many times women wants the works when the guy just wants to simply get married. Second, a lot of times the woman gets so carried away in the wedding plans, she loses track of the relationship and why they wanted to get married in the first place. Men don't care about colors and flowers and stuff and really just wants to be told where to be and what time. Try talking to his mother or family for lists and things that they can help with so he isn't so bombarded with all the wedding talk. Third, he may love you and want to marry you but it is scary for some people and he is just dealing with cold feet.
2007-01-07 10:25:45 · answer #6 · answered by dana j 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lets face it. Many guys are not into the planning as us females are. Pretty much they like to just show up, get it done, have a party and off on your way.
My fiance is sorta involved but he pretty much stuck to the making the list and going with me his opinion's on locations. His thing he told me, if I like it, I am happy, then go for it.
Trust me hun, if this money is going to come out of his pocket, he will eventually speak up.
Once my fiance knew I wanted a very expensive hotel, he placed his opinion in it and we settled for a lesser expensive room (800 a night). So, I knew how to get him to talk and all that once he was going to also affect his own wallet too lol.
Plan it the way you want it and if he goes "why did that?" say because you wanted to and if he didn't like it, he should of stated so. Then move on from the subject. If he doesn't participate, then he doesn't have a say in it.
However, you two difiantly are not ready for marriage if you two can not communicate when don't disagree as it will get harder when bigger issues come up.
I highly recommend pre-marriage counseling to help with communication skills and working together.
2007-01-07 13:28:19 · answer #7 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Egg shells? No guest list? Are you supposed to keep planning and hope he doesn't show up and embarass you or better yet just doesn't show at the wedding? He's not ready or he's hiding something. Either way until you have it resolved I would put the wedding on pause.
2007-01-07 10:27:21 · answer #8 · answered by indydst8 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest sitting him downa and asking him what the problem is, tell him that it is both your day not just yours and you want it to be the most wonderful day of your lives. Let him know that you are worried about him not wanting to put into the wedding and the closer it gets the more draining it gets, he does need to put something in even if it is help with the coulor scem and who is coming.
good luck hun and i hope you have a wonderful day
2007-01-07 10:29:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make all the excuses you want, but he is not ready to get married. He acts like someone being pressured into something. Call it off, and give it another year. You're on this planet for about 80 years, what's a year to think about it ?
2007-01-07 10:31:03 · answer #10 · answered by DixieNormus 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋