Confused and Sad?

Question

A few months ago my boyfriend and I had a giant fight. I stayed at my parent’s place that weekend and it all came out. I cried and confided in my family. Months on, my bf and I are going stronger than ever, but I know my mum has never, and probably WILL never, forgive my boyfriend. My boyfriend on past occasions has made me feel guilty, saying things such as “your mum hates me, and it’s your fault for telling her those things about me”. He makes me feel terrible. I just wanted to speak to someone as I couldn’t speak to him. I am finding it hard to work out whether I am in the wrong and hard to deal with the fact that my mum may never let this go. What should I do?

Answer 1

Nothing you can do about it and it's probably true that your mom won't forget and even forgive him for that. Moving forward though, as a lesson learned you shouldn't tell everything to your parents especially if there is a chance that you would get back together with the guy.

Your mom is probably going to give you a hardtime about staying w your bf, and nothing you can do. he can though however try to make a good impression to her by treating you extremely right. That's the only thing that will allow your mom to move past what you told her about him.

Answer 2

Well to me it seems that the damage has already been done, the first mistake you made was telling your Mom "bad" things about your boyfriend, its natural to want to confide in someone, especially when your feelings are hurt, but you chose the wrong person to do that with. I know we should be able to tell our Moms everything, but somethings we just shouldn't. Its natural for her to not like him especially now since she knows all the dirt.
What you need to do now, is try talking to your Mom about maybe concealing her true feelings for him, if you want to maintain the relationship with him. She will always have her reasons for not liking him, but they dont have to be so obvious.
The next time you want to complain about your boyfriend and is not truly broken it off with him, maybe you should right it down or confide in a girlfriend or sister, not your Mom or Dad.
Good Luck.

Answer 3

There are two issues here - your mum's willingness to forgive your bf and your bf's attempts to hold YOU responsible for the consequences he is experiencing as a result of HIS past behavior.

As to your mum, I would suggest that you sit down with her and explain to her that if you are prepared to forgive your bf for what he said, you expect her to forgive him, too.

As to your bf, remember that NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY OR TERRIBLE, unless you LET THEM. You CHOOSE to feel that way. STOP!

Tell your bf that you are free to speak to your mum (or anyone else, for that matter) about anything that you choose, and that if HIS conduct is what has angered your mum, perhaps HE should go to your mum and apologize for that conduct.

You are NOT in the wrong, your bf is, and so, to a lesser extent is your mum.

All your bf needs to do is to talk to your mum, tell her that some months ago the two of you fought, and that he understands that you needed to talk your mum about what happened. He should apologize for what he did, and ask your mum to forgive him. If he is willing to do this for you, it will speak volumes about his character. If he isn't, it speaks volumes, as well.

Answer 4

You were not wrong to confide in your mom. But I feel your mom is wrong to be judgmental. With my kids, I listen to their problems but I never treat the other person differently. There are always 2 sides to every story. Your bf should also not be putting you in the middle like that. That is not fair to you. I think the best solution is for you, your bf and mom to sit down and talk this out. Be honest and open and hopefully they will follow suit. It's great for parents to worry abouyt their kids and listen to their problems but they should not judge and hold grudges.

Answer 5

That is always a big no-no. It isn't good to spill out all the bad stuff about your mate to your family or friends because they seem to only remember and focus on the bad. It will be hard to turn your parents around to him again. I did the same thing to my husband (we were just dating at the time and I was still in undergraduate school), my mom got to the point where she stopped talking to me and said she would resume talking to me until I left him. My husband and I went to my mom and we talked to her and she admired him for sitting back and letting her vent. Now my mom adores him.

Answer 6

You were right to talk out your problems and who better than mum. as for him quit letting him make you feel guilty. You had every right to talk out your problems. If you are as strong together as you say, tell him to lay off. Talk to your mum and tell her things are much better with the two of you. Invite him over and let him see how well you guys are getting on. If he can't get over this and leave you alone about this, then send him on his way and tell him to grow up.+

Answer 7

Talk to your mother about it. Tell her that a lot of things were said in the heat of the moment and you were just venting. Your mother has dealt with men; she knows that no relationship is perfect and you will always have ups and downs.

Tell your mother positive things that your boyfriend does when he does them.. It won't change things right away but over time it may change her perspective.

More importantly, live and learn.

Good luck.

Answer 8

You could probably get there by driving. Will probably take a day or two to get there, but from what it sounds like it'd be worth it.

Answer 9

He is trying to control you through blame. It's a common fault. The question is how long will you accept that treatment from him?

Answer 10

u did good speaking to ur mom.and if it is that bad,of course she will never forget and never like him.u are her child and she doesnt want noone to hurt u.He needs to just deal with it. my daughter is 8 and i hope she comes to me as she gets older.and if he keeps hurting u, then u need to leave him.good luck.im 27 and agree 100% with ur mom