Recently a secret I had been kept came out and I dont know what to do or what help I can get.?

Question

My husband guessed my secret which I had to admit. but since I admited it I have been suffering really bad depression worse than before.

I was sexually. physically and mentally abuse from being the age of 14 up until about 9 months ago by my step father. As a result of this my 14 year old son was born when I was 14 years of age, but the abuse still carried on. I dont know what to do, before my husband found out I just put it at the back of my mind but now I can't. He want me to report him for what he did. He always told me when I was younger that if I did that he would kill me then kill himselve, so I am to scared to do anything.

These days I can't sleep cause I have nightmares, other times I just feel I can't go on. I have been to the doctors but can't seem to get the word out why I depressed cause I'm ashamed I let it go on for so long. all he does is give me tablets which I can't and wont take. anti-depressents just masks the problem. I ddont know what to do.

Answer 1

Pray.

Answer 2

Engman is right, Pray. And we'll pray for you too. But beyond that you do need to turn this man in, you've no idea what he's done to other people and once the word is out about him other victim's may come forward. You best bet is to not share this with anyone else for now. I have a friend in a similair situation and have been asked not to talk specifically about it because if I do the man might realize he is under investigation and run.

My question is how anyone could not suspect someting was going on when you became pregnant at 14. Denial is a common factor in sexual abuse among family members, but you can't deny this anymore.

Your husband sounds supportive, you owe it to yourself, your son, and your husband to go to the authorities and report him.

It will be hard but it needs to be done, you are still very young and you have so much living ahead of you! Do NOT let him control you any longer.

Answer 3

sounds like your husband loves you. he probably already suspected your secret. your dad is scum - but you are not. He was the one at fault not you. If you were to tell a therapist, that person would tell you that after you remember you have so many years? to press charges against your dad -the scumbag. You need to talk to a therapist that deals with these things. The nightmares are tough and may last for a long time--it's kind of like you are grieving a death, only much worse. You will survive this. At times you may wonder how you can survive. but you will. Things will get better. You have your son as proof that your dad did this. Build your son up before you tell him--if you do tell. If you don't tell, your dad he may be doing it to other girls. If you do tell--it will be tough, make sure your husband will be there to support you. The death threat he gave was that--just a threat. From the way you feel right now death might seem like a easy way out. Hang in there--and hopefully if someone reads this that is abusing their child they can see the tremendous pain this causes, the terrible nightmares, etc. Sex now in your married life may be tough.

Answer 4

It is a terrible fact that the victim of crimes such as were perpetrated against you often are re-victimized by themselves and/or society because they are afraid to come forward with the truth and are being blackmailed into submission by someone. Recognize that you are now empowered, older and wiser, have a strong husband who is willing to stand beside and help you, and must reclaim possession of YOUR LIFE which was stolen by your step father. I wish you the best of outcomes in this effort and sincerely support the effort that you must make now. Remember that this step father may have other victims already or may find others in the future, he is the scum, you are the innocent, if he kills himself that is his problem. You should be accorded proper protection until this person is behind bars. Contact the authorities now and let justice take its course. If you have a 14 year old son, the paternity can be proved with DNA testing and the mathematics of your age now and the child's birthday will seal the perp's fate. Seek good counseling. This is available free just about everywhere. Also, get a civil judgment against the bum for your pain and suffering. Good luck

Answer 5

First, and most importantly--you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. You did nothing wrong.

Second, I think that you are correct to say that anti-depressants, by themselves, won't help. You really need to be involved in a comprehensive treatment, which may involve (at least for a period of time), the use of medication. But you really want to be working with a therapist to help you work through this. And keep in mind that this is going to take many many many years for you to be able continue functionally. But without this kind of help, you are putting yourself, your marriage, and your child in danger. Also, I would recommend considering either group therapy or support groups for partners of the abused for your husband--while he may be right that you need to report your step-father, his approach is too simplistic. Tell him he needs to learn how to help you.

I wish you all the best. Please seek professional help. A very evil man did a very bad thing to you, and it isn't fair that you're going to have to work hard to make your life better. But it will be far easier and ultimately more successful if you get outside assistance

EDIT: What RantingLover said is very good--call RAIN if you want to start slowly and feel more comfortable on the phone than in person.

Answer 6

Please try the anti-depressants. They don't mask the problem so much as help you get through it so you can get some counseling, which can make a big difference. Sometimes you have to try more than one counselor before you find one who can really help. It is extremely important for you to get counseling because you are already having problems and they will only get worse if you don't get help. Also, there is also a website for people like us -- www.brokenspirits.com. The people there are very kind and supportive.

If you possibly can, press charges. Yours will be a simple case to prove because of the genetics of your son. Hopefully your husband will support you.

You are not alone.

Answer 7

I would first report him to the authorities because, if he thinks he can get away with doing that to you, then he may be brazen and bold enough to do it to some other girl - your neighbor's daughter or even a girl on a school playground or one walking along on the sidewalk - you don't know. It's always best to be on the safe side and report him BEFORE he harms another young girl. One thing can lead to another, as the saying goes, so I would certainly tell the authorities about his abuse. Secondly, for your sake, I would seek some counseling, perhaps from a minister, a close friend, or at a shelter or organization for abused women. They can help you get through the mental distress and give you support. Keep this in mind, too: what he did to you is NOT your fault! HE is the guilty party, so please - for your sake - and the sake of other girls whom he could potentially harm - report him!

I went through something similar, but not near as severe as you. I was fondled when I was a young girl by a pedophile that lives two houses down from me. I felt guilty as well and I didn't even tell my parents 'til years later. He got his just punishment much later. He exposed himself to young girls that were were on a class trip. He was there at the same place they were. Of course, the young girls told their parents and/or teachers and he was arrested and put in prison for seven years. He's out now, unfortunately, and still living two doors down. I've learned to put it behind me and move on, but the only feelings I have now toward him are hatred for what he's done to me and those young girls. Even though I was too afraid to say anything at the time (and looking back now, I should have right away), he STILL got punished nonetheless. When my sister was at her girlfriend's house years ago when she was little, he also exposed himself to them. My sister told my mom and her girlfriend told her mother also. My sister's girlfriend went to the police, but of course, they said that they couldn't do anything because there's no proof, that they needed photos. That was ridiculous! It's as if the police wanted my sister's girlfriend's mother to take XXX pictures of some sicko with no clothes on, exposing himself. Well, again, he got his just dues down the road. His sick and twisted actions caught up with him and I was happy to hear he got what was coming to him. Even if I had said something to the police about what he did to me, it wouldn't have done any good - no proof - just my word against his. The bottom line is is that you need to speak to a counselor or a therapist. The mental scars will be there for some time after, but getting it off your chest and talking to someone about it will help ease the mental stress and torture. I wish you all the best of success in putting this sicko away behind bars and getting the help you need! :D

Answer 8

Take your self down to the cop shop and report him right now. He will n0t know you done this and by the time he finds out he will be in jail. That's the guilt he is trying to make YOU live with because he is so sick in his mind. Tell the Dr what's up and deal with it. It will take lots of counseling but trust me it is worth it all. I've been there but it wasn't my step dad. You need to tell on him and put a stop to it or he will keep doing it to someone else. Good Luck

Answer 9

First protect your self and the next work with your husband to get to a safe place out of reach of your abuser and then contact the authorities. Get a restraining order. Do everything you can to get this man out of society...if not for yourself for the next young woman he has an eye for.

Answer 10

There are reasons why you should bring this up to the police. But not all women can, and while I'm encouraging you to bring charges against him, I can understand why it would be hard.

You do need to speak to someone about the way that you're feeling now. If you can't speak to someone in person, consider calling RAINN. (http://www.rainn.org/) Their phone number is: 1.800.656.HOPE. It's free and confidential. I'm under the impression that you don't even need to tell them your name.

Please get the help you need, you deserve it.

Answer 11

you might feel depressed, but its for the best if you report him. Think about all other kids gettin abuse in that way all over the world. Turning him in will be a small step on contribiutin in helpin the world... what if he's doing that to somebody else... he needs to be stopped...

Baby Ree