i really need help.....?

Question

please help... this may be long but i really need help

my parents are getting a divorce. i love them both very much and i dont know who to go with. im what you can call a daddys girl.... but hes sometimes over protective and overbearing. i writing this in tears. i just told my dad that i want to go with my mum. shes moving to wisconsin which is where all like 50 of my cousins live and i have more job oppurtunities there as well. my dad just came back in my room asking why. i can tell ive just hurt him more deeply than anyone else. he plans on moving into a really small house with my baby brother while my mum is leaving with my baby sis. this town has nothing for me. im so confused. my mum offers me a nice home, freedom to do what i want, and the comfort of my whole family... well everyone except my dad and brother. please help.... any advice will be greatly appreciated.

ps. sorry if there are any errors.... i dont feel like checking for them.

thankyou for the advice already given but i live in virginia right now and thats 17 or more hours away so visiting my dad and brother wont be that easy. the way he sees it is that ive just stabbed him the back after hes given me everything i could ever ask for.

im 16 and i dont have a drivers license yet either so like i said.... visiting will be a problem. the web cam sounds like a good idea so thankyou for that.

Answer 1

WAS going to come on here to be cheeky to you like you did to me on my question but hun you only 16 and seem to be having a fair deal of problems....i was in your position at 12 my mom moved to the uk and dad stayed in the usa

either way you wont be happy as your apart from a parent my best advice to you is sit them both down and explain to them what this move will do to you and ask them why they cant live in the same town as it also not fair on your baby sister and bro as they wont get to grow to know each other closely i really suggest show this question to both your parents sometimes when ADULTS fall out they think they are doing the best thing as at the time to get as far as away from each other or to spite each other seems and probably feels good
its not always what is in the best interest for the children,,,i think you really need to sit with them and talk to them or make them read all the responses from this as im not sure how they think but most likely they will say i am the parent we know what we are doing......yes what is best for them not really for you or your brothers..... you need to be strong here and speak up to them in the right way and fight for your family to stay a family as even though us adults think we know everything its not always true


i feel for you babe as i went threw the same thing and my mom still to this day regrets moving us to the uk and leaving my dad as he turnt to bitter as he no longer had a strong bond with us

Answer 2

This is always hard but you must be strong. He's your dad and he knows that no matter what you really love him and he would want what's best for you in the long run. If there are no opportunities in your town you would eventually have to leave anyway. Just let him know that this is not down to who you love more, that you love him as much as your mom and that you are going so that you can get a good job and make a life of your own. Make sure you visit him on the holidays mind, hope everything works out.

Answer 3

This will be hard for you to do, but don't feel guilty!
None of what is happening is your fault, and you shouldn't be made to feel like it is. You also shouldn't have to choose who it is you live with, because who ever you choose, the other parent will feel sad.
You sound like a very level headed person indeed, and you have considered your options as well as who you want to live with.
If living with your mother means that you have better opportunities, now and in the future, then this seems a very good basis to make your decision. If your father loves you, he will understand because he wants what is best for you, and he will put his emotional feelings aside to do this.
Tell your Dad exactly how you are feeling and your reasons why. He cannot read your mind and he will surely understand when you tell him. This will make things a lot easier for you both.
If you just say you want to live elsewhere with no good explanation, it may make him feel worse.
Be open and be honest.
If you need a shoulder to cry on, just email me.
Good luck honey, I feel for you! :o)

Answer 4

you don't say how old you are, not that it should matter i know!
it must be very painful for you!
you say your mother will give you the freedom to do as you please but sometimes that's not a good thing, i wouldn't be who i am now and got where i am if it wasn't for my dad putting up barriers that i wasn't allowed to cross, i did everything i wanted to do but not as i pleased!
as for who you go with, you just have to go where your heart is telling you!
you say your mum will be with all your family what about your dad, has he got family to go to if he needs to?
house size won't matter in the end as long as your all happy, you say this town hasn't got anything for you, have you looked hard enough or just given up.
I hope you make the right decision for you nobody else
just be happy where ever you are, you Will always see the other person no matter what.
hope it helps a bit.

Answer 5

from a fathers point of view.. if you can tell him what you have just typed about all the job oppertunity then no father can deny his child that.

make and keep him a promice that you will get to visit often, buy him a webcam and show him how to use it
keep in touch. but sometimes in life the hardes things are the ones that turn for the best. my brother moved to Australia when i was younger and i only managed to get over there and c him last year 13 years after he left and it broke my fathers heart, my brother couldn't be at his funeral either... but i don't and my father never held anything against him he bettered himself for his family. no man alive can begrudge happiness.
it will seem hard now for both of you.. but it will come good in the end

Answer 6

I think you have made the right choice and your dad will eventually see that, hes just hurting at the moment and all he wants is to protect his little girl.
You need family and friends around you to get through this and so does your mum and siblings.
And the fact is you can go and see your dad whenever you want to or vice versa, you need to go and get on with life but you will still be your mum and dads daughter good luck!

Answer 7

I know this is heartbreaking for you but you mustn't think of it as a choice. It certainly isn't your choice. Your parents are divorcing and they are not divorcing you. You, luckily are old enough to split your time between the two. Choosing first to live with your Mum doesn't mean that you love your Dad any less and he should be grown up enough to realise this. You will in time have the great luxury of being able to come and go between their two seperate bases

Answer 8

First of all how old are you, that can make a big difference.
Second, if you would rather go with your mom don't let
your dad make you feel guilty. Girls always need their
moms no matter how old they are. I'm 40 and I still go
to my mother about things.
You have to do what is right for you and you only.

Answer 9

you need to do what you feel is best for you, tell your father that you love him and will always stay in touch and you will come to visit him as often as possible. you will also will want to keep in touch with your brother to

there is no easy answer to your problem just explain to your dad why you want to go with your mother and im sure he will understand

Answer 10

whats wrong with both sharing custody 1/2 with mom and 1/2 with dad people do it all the time , it's hard when u r torn between two parents, it's much easier to share.