If you have read my recent questions.. you will understand. In a nutshell my brother and his wife leave there daughter at my mom's house so she can take care of my niece. His excuse is his wife is tired and cannot take care of there daughter..his wife does not work, she just stays home. My mom tells him she is tired too.. for good reason (she works nights and isnt able to get good rest because she is taking care of my niece).. My niece broke her glasses which she needs to wear at all times..this was about 2 months ago.. still no new glasses..even her school teacher has had a conference with my mom because she needs her glasses, she cannot see. Anyway my mom asked if I could talk some sense into him, make him see what he is doing to his child by neglecting her..make him see that his mother cannot continue doing this and his wife needs to step up, be a parent. How can I go about doing this without sounding like a b****? We're not close so having a conversation will be a first
2007-01-07 07:45:48 · 9 answers · asked by hwlatmon 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
By the way he is 29, I am 22.
2007-01-07 07:47:34 · update #1
She tried charging babysitting fees..didn't work. He owes her over $5000. What is even worse is he knows my mom would feel too guilty to say no to him.. he takes advantage of that. My mom washes his and his wifes clothes, AND makes them dinner (he comes daily to pick up a meal for him and his wife who apparently is too tired to cook or do laundry)
2007-01-07 08:01:04 · update #2
well first its not you who needs to sit down with him its your mom and you can be there if she needs the support and your sister-in-law needs to be there as well i think it would be a bad idea to come at it as that your sister in law needs to be a parent( even though she really does) this will only upset everyone what needs to happen is your mom just needs to say sorry no more i will only be able to help out one day a week this is so your niece does not think grandma does not want to see her and she can pick what day works for her and say i hope this gives SIL enough time to have a me day which i totally understand and she can run errands and have appointments but i am no longer able to do it everyday i will be letting the school know that i am to be only called in a major emergency where they cant get a hold of you or mom but i now will be sleeping during the time i normally have her so i can be ready for work i know because of the amount of respect and love you have for me this will not be a problem and i thank you so much for understanding and respecting my wishes it makes me proud to know you care so much about my well being that you will understand how hard it is for me to work nights and then have her come everyday and that i love her dearly but i also need my rest. This will also make them feel guilty about fighting with her and especially if when they try to argue she keeps saying something like i cant understand what the problem is i feel like i tried to help as long as i can and now when its to hard for me your angry with me GUILT is the one weapon every mother has and even though it sucks your mom will have to use this with your brother its probably the only thing that will work!
2007-01-07 08:03:35 · answer #1 · answered by peterpansdate 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From what I can tell this really isn't your problem, other than he is your brother. It is more of your mom's problem. What SHE needs to do is to start telling him no, when he asks her to babysit. And she needs to not give in to him. Or she can start charging him babysitting fees, and if he "forgets" to pay, then she can tell him that she isn't available anymore.
What you can do is mention to him that the school was complaining about your niece not having glasses. And ask him when he plans on getting her a new pair.
But honestly, it doesn't sound like your brother or his wife really want to be parents. So don't expect much of a change, even if you do sit down and talk to him. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you, and your mom.
2007-01-07 15:56:43 · answer #2 · answered by froggz 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's your mothers responsibility to say no to looking after her granddaughter. She may need your support in telling him and confirming that she needs the rest etc. with shift work. This is not your problem and unless you want to get caught in the middle of a family feud then stay where you are.....out of the middle of it!
As for your brother and his wife.....if they cannot look after their daughter then regardless of where they live there are social service agencies who will ensure that she receives the proper care. If you really are concerned for your niece's well being and think she is being neglected then I am afraid it is your duty to report. I know in Ontario, Canada it is your legal obligation to report something you even suspect let alone are not sure of!
2007-01-07 16:01:14 · answer #3 · answered by looneybinexpress 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your mom needs to get legal custody of the child, or call CPS and report her son if she can no longer care for the child. It should not be on you to fix the situation, and if your brother simply cannot take care of his child for whatever reason including lack of interest then someone needs to step in and give the child a permanent stable home.
2007-01-07 16:44:28 · answer #4 · answered by Julie c 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your brother that if his wife can't take care of their daughter to enroll her in daycare.If he refuses to do that, tell him that you're going to drop her off at the Children's Shelter,and he's going to have to answer to them.Maybe they can figure out what is going on with the mother.She might not be fit to be a mother and your brother doesn't really know how to handle the problem.
2007-01-07 16:08:45 · answer #5 · answered by Ms Lety 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is the one that has to say "no" for babysitting. You can try and talk to your mom. I personally don't think it would be useful to talk to your brother cos he's just gonna say that "mom doesn't mind" because she didn't say anything.
2007-01-07 15:52:33 · answer #6 · answered by meetha 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
⥠⥠Mom should be the one to step up and speak with the son not you, he most likely wont listen anyway... you might suggest that a third party get involved, like child services... that might wake them up ⥠â¥
2007-01-07 15:57:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him that if he and his wife cannot take care of a kid then they shouldnt have had it
now that they have done it it is their obligation to take care of her
tell you mother to stop cooking and doing their laundy, that is ridiculus.
in fact it is yiurs mother fault that your brother is so irresponsible
it is up to her to change the situation
she must firmly deny to help anymore
2007-01-07 16:28:14 · answer #8 · answered by girl24gr 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is the one that needs to talk to him and put a stop to this. Sorry, but she wants you to do her dirty work for her.
2007-01-07 17:14:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋