My x boyfriend is coming home from prison after serving 9 years. Unsure of what to do. (PART ONE)?

Question

My x boyfriend is coming home in March after serving 9 years. The relationship that we had was very disfunctional because drugs were involved. I have since straightened my life out and have now been clean and sober for 4 years now. Because he has been gone so long, and has no family here I feel that I need to help him get back on track. I was in love with him even when we used drugs because even on drugs we had a working relationship. He has been off of drugs, of course for 9 years as well and states that he has no desire to return to that lifestyle upon his release. I want to believe him, but I am just not sure because the true test will be when he actually gets released. When people are released from Prison in the state of California, they are given 200 dollars and are basically told to fend for themselves. I would hate to see him do something illegal to earn more money because he doesn't have a place to live. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this situation?

Answer 1

First of all, moving in with you should not even be on the table.

If you are eventually going to be together , it should be on common terms and not because one or the other of you is in desperate need of anything.

There are many halfway houses and housing available for him to choose from. During this time of adjustment and finding a job, you should be in contact, but not living together.

It is not your responsibility to house him, but you can help him find housing and other needed things. During this time, you will be able to see if he goes back to what was familiar to him or if he is truely changed and is living as he talks.

He is not a child, he is an adult, and in prison he has had some training on being released and the options available to him. If he ignored all this based on thinking that he was better than that or wouldnt need it, he should contact his parole officer and get the information before he is released.

Basically, be his friend, help where you can without putting yourself in a position of having to kick him to the curb if he goes back to his old lifestyle. Look long and hard before you leap into anything.

Answer 2

My boyfriend did only thee months and after he got out he was a different person and all, but more importantly is how much his life has changed it all and I mean ALL revolves around probation officers and court payments so if this guy is your ex then it shouldnt bother you, but clearly it does maybe youve stayed intouch after you broke up or you just broke up recently. If I were you I would just stand back and wait a while to see how serious he is about wanting to go straight, but then again if you are really really stuck on him and in love well you might want to try and help him. Try and be the "adult" and keep him out of trouble, my boyfriend always always got in trouble everytime he was alone( before he went to jail) and I felt good knowing I had that kind of influence but it can be stressful too. Th ereal question is how much more of the stress and drama can you handle and how much are you willing to handle for him?

Answer 3

Does he know he is not ur boyfriend? Doesn't he have any friends or family. I hate to be so brutally honest, but he is not ur boyfriend and two people who have had drug issues should not be together! I like the idea of giving him a little money, but keep it real with him. Let him know u are not the same and u must remain friends only. Fend for urself this time,move on and let him take care of his own life.

Answer 4

Nine years is so long to be away from someone in the first place,regardless of it being prison or Antartica...You say it was dysfunctional to begin with and that drugs were involved with this previous relationship...My best advice is to tell your ex that to be friends is what is best for both of you...That long of a prison stay would do anumber to anyone and if the connection is not there stay away if you feel as though he could bring you down in any way...Take care...Tom Science 4

Answer 5

Get him an HIV test (sex happens in prison). Tell him that you don't mind helping him find a place, you're no babysitter. Nine years can change a person, but it may be for the worse, especially in prison. If you were my daughter, I'd tell you to be rid of him. Stop living in the past and move on. He certainly needs to.

Answer 6

I will be honest. 1. I only read the first line of your question to form this judgement: when you said PRISON, my stomach churned. Jailbirds are a big NO NO. 2. Leave him alone, he is not the same person you once knew. Why risk going back to drugs ad dysfunction? We as humans dont walk backwards for a reason...

Answer 7

trust your feelings. you have change up your life for good why not share that blessing with your ex? you never know what will happen next if you don't help him. But i'm sure if you don't help him he will end up the same as before. Show your concern and love for him as a friend so that he will not feel he is alone. God bless you for your kind heart.

Answer 8

while you are right to want to try to help him, your first priorities should be to help yourself. about 80% of people that get out of prison go back to their former way of life, especially the ones that have nowhere to go and no family to help them. they turn to the same old friends that they were getting into trouble with. if you have been sober and are doing well, that is your #1, keeping yourself that way. do not jeopardize anything in your life because he chose to do wrong.

Answer 9

i would have to tell you not to trust him i have a friend that was in prison and he still does drugs so i had to let him go do his thing let him go back to where he has family you might love him but you need to get on with your life find someone who does not do drugs or that get in trouble

Answer 10

Find a cheap hotel, offer to pay one or two nights, and help him find a good job if he wants your help. Beyond that, don't do anything until he's proven he's a clean person.