I need advice from MOTHERS and FATHERS please!!!?

Question

If you dont have kids then click my profile and read my question before this and reply to that one!!! thanks! I really need some advice...?
I have a friend who's mother can't support her and doesn't want to. Her father is in jail. She lives with her grandmother who is abusive to her. She has to go live in a group home now.

Now about me. I live with my mother. My father lives with me too but he is kind of mean. I also have a sister who is 12 and a brother who is 20 that should be going to the marines soon. That will open up his bedroom.

I asked my mother if my friend could live in my brother's room because he will be leaving. My mother said no. I really think she could benefit from living in a nice neighborhood with someone who cares about her (me). It just makes me mad that my parents would just refuse to let her come live with us. I mean, I'm the kind of person that, if i see someone in need I'll help them and do anything I can.

Also, it will benefit for me to have a friend my age around me (she lives kinda far). She loves the idea and was so happy when I said it might be a possiblility. She was so happy she was..

Additional Details

6 minutes ago
she was about to cry. I feel so bad. I just dont know what to do. Thoughts?

If you, as a mother or father, were in the same situation with your daughter or son what would you do? Let her stay with you? Or not?

Answer 1

I can understand how you feel that it upsets you that your parents wont let her live there but you have to understand that they will then need to take the responsibilities of her and there is alot of steps to be taken before she would be able to live there. So she wouldn't be able to just get up and live there. They will need to investigate your parents and go through their job file to make sure they have secure jobs,their banking info. They will get very personal.However I would do this for my son if this would be a situation for his friend I would do everything possible to try and allow them not to end up in a foster home.But talk to your mom and ask her why and if there is anything she can help you figure out this may make her more light on the situation.

Answer 2

What you have to remember is that it is a huge responsibility to take on the care of someone else's child. Emotionally, legally, and financially. This is not something that many parents would be open to. While it would be nice if your friend could live with you, your parents may simply not be up to it.

Try dropping the subject for a while and just get alot of sleepovers in, as well as having her come over after school etc. Have her there as much as possible for a bit so that your parents are used to having her around the house before bringing up the idea of her moving in again. Then it will not seem like such a change since she is there all the time anyway!

Answer 3

I have a child and have raised a neice from age 13 to 16. It is a nice thing you want to do for your friend. But it is not your decision to make, nor something you should have offred to your friend without your parent's ok first. Your parents have a responsibility to you, not to other peoples children. Although they may feel for the girl and have the means to help, it isn't as easy as you think to raise someone else's child. Since I speak from experience, I hope you'll trust my advice. And since you obviously come from a good family and home life, you should remember to appreciate how good you have it.
Now, what can you do? You can try to stay positive and encourage your friend without making false promises. Also you can think about the kind of adult and parent you want to be someday. Let your feelings on this influence you to be a good provider. And if you find yourself in a position (as an adult) to help others, please choose to do so. maybe Social work is a good field for you to go into. Or try fostering kids who need a home. Good luck as you grow up. And don't lose your innocence or ideals.

Answer 4

I feel for your friend. I would probably allow her to stay with us as long as she was not a negative influence on you or your brother. There would be the question of financial support though. Maybe your parents cannot afford another mouth to feed. Children need clothes, school supplies, food, personal items. All of this costs money. Before getting too mad at them, think about those things.

Answer 5

Alright as a mother I think you parents are right and wrong by not letting your friend live with you/them. In your post you said your dad is mean and you want your friend to be subjected to that???And can your family afford to have another mouth to feed, clothe, and support without causing undue hardship? If I was you I would also ease the parents fears by saying your friend has a job (I hope that is the truth!) and that all the really needs is a place to hang her hat every night that is stable. I would also ease their fears by pointing out that she is well behaved. ( I hope that is the truth also). and give a end date for how long she would be staying.

Answer 6

I'd like to congratulate you on your strong sense of loyalty to your friend. It's an admirable trait. As a parent, I can understand some things that might cause your own to say no. It's not that yours are being cruel and heartless, but it would mean taking on a child with some serious emotional baggage and that usually brings behavioral issues as well. Your parents may not be equipped for that kind of additional responsibility.
The best thing you can do for your friend is to just continue being a friend.

Answer 7

I have a 16yr daughter, and im 1 out of 8 kids.
for your friend to live with you, your mom just doesnt want the added responsibility of taking care of another teenager. she has her hands full. give your mom a break.
its a huge responsibility on a parent to parent another person's child.
and the utilitity cost and the food cost would go up, even just a little could be too much for your mom to handle.

if my daughter came to me with this situation I would explain it this way to her. there is other safe places for teens to go. and dont put the responsibilty on your parents.

I would say sorry, no. i cant help your friend.

Answer 8

Well for number one sitting around the house and pretty much doing nothing doesn't help you with your depression. I am 42 years old and I have been working at my current job for 6 or 7 yrs. Last February I got hurt at work and had surgery but I am unable to perform all my job function at first when I returned to work I went through some point of depression but like you need to do something different in life so be able to enjoy life more and feel better about oneself. So I am looking in returning to college and trying to figure out what program I can look into with my limited condition. So you can go online fill out job resume go out and apply for jobs. You are still young enough you can look in to the military and if you are a college graduate that gives you more benefit in joining the military. If not a college graduate than check out colleges or check out Americorp /Job corp, you can even check out peace corp. All of above is eligible for you not me due to my age. But they all can give you opportunities to meet new people . To broaden your self worth and the most important make you feel better,proud,excited about life and so on. So enjoy the journey and finding your own path in life and don't worry your parents ill be proud of you and they will help you as mach as they can just as long as you are not sitting around the house do nothing and letting your depression take over feeling sad and whining about your sucky life. Because baby your life don't suck you just haven't jumped into life yet to see what it has to offer and what you can do. So now go and do something you will do great and yeah it will be difficult at times . I believe in you ; you can do it.

Answer 9

Ok first let me say i think it is great that you have a good heart.Now as to your question you are not asking your parents to take in a puppy you are asking them to take on the responsibility of another human being.Your parents may very well want to take her in but they also have to follow the laws of the state.If she is living with her grandparents then they probably have custody of her in which case your parents have no right to take her in..

Answer 10

i am a mom and i did take my husbands niece in at one time. it was a mistake, because she was lazy and wouldn't do anything around the house. we paid for everything even her senior pictures and everything. then when she moved out to marry my brother she talked about my family like they were dogs.
but i was going to let my sons girlfriend move in with us when she wasn't getting along with her parents. i guess i didn't learn my lesson the first time.