I really need some advice...?

Question

I have a friend who's mother can't support her and doesn't want to. Her father is in jail. She lives with her grandmother who is abusive to her. She has to go live in a group home now.

Now about me. I live with my mother. My father lives with me too but he is kind of mean. I also have a sister who is 12 and a brother who is 20 that should be going to the marines soon. That will open up his bedroom.

I asked my mother if my friend could live in my brother's room because he will be leaving. My mother said no. I really think she could benefit from living in a nice neighborhood with someone who cares about her (me). It just makes me mad that my parents would just refuse to let her come live with us. I mean, I'm the kind of person that, if i see someone in need I'll help them and do anything I can. Also, it will benefit for me to have a friend my age around me (she lives kinda far). She loves the idea and was so happy when I said it might be a possiblility. She was so happy she was..

she was about to cry. I feel so bad. I just dont know what to do. Thoughts?

Well, my brother is leaving soon for the marines again. So we will lose someone in our family.

Answer 1

You need to look at it from your parents side. It is a large responsibility to take on another child. It is not simply moving in, there is the cost of adding another child , the rights of her parents, and who has the authority for medical issues. There are things you have not considered.

Answer 2

You should never offer someone to live in your parent's home without consulting your parents first. You are probably a minor child who is living in their house. It is not up to you to decide if your parents should take on a house guest. She is NOT their child and it won't be you that would have to pay for the food she eats or the extra use of the electricity and water that she will use.

Maybe they would reconsider if they know her situation. Anyway, WHY would you want her to come in if your father is a mean man. She doesn't need to be around a person who may throw it up to her that she is living in his house, etc. Maybe she is better living in the group home since her mother can't support her and her Grandmother was abusive. She doesn't need to be around old Granny at least. She won't be in that group home forever. This is just a temporary situation. When she graduates High school, she should be encouraged to get a job, and even get a degree at a votech or college. This will help her in the future with supporting herself and moving into her own apartment or house eventually.

If your parents no won't become a yes, then Just explain to her that you jumped the gun a bit about inviting her to live and that you're sorry. She'll understand.

Answer 3

Have you fully explained the situation to your parents? And how exactly did you ask? Does your mother know your friend? And by know I mean really know?

If I was in your situation I would ask to sit down and have a chat with your parents, and explain everything as much as you can. Maybe suggest that your mother, yourself and your friend spend some time with each other. If your mother gets to know your friend better she may well be more inclined to the idea. Another idea I just had is to suggest having your friend for a 'trial' period, to find out if your family and your friend can co-exist in the same house without major disagreements and arguments.

Also the idea of having your friend stay with your family may seem great, but are you sure this won't put a strain on your friendship? I thought it would be great to live with my friends, but when it finally happened it went really bad. I lived with 7 of my friends and at first it was great, but it soon went downhill. There were so many arguments! That was 5 years ago now, and I am no longer friends with any of those that I lived with. So you really need to be sure this wouldn't happen with you and your friend. On the other hand, I lived with another friend for awhile, and we are still as close as we were before, but we were never really close, so maybe this is why we were able to live together without biting each others heads off.

I hope this helps.

Answer 4

Is it a money thing? It costs more money to have another mouth to feed, but I think you are a blessing to your friend and your parents, your good will and charecter should only reflect on them as a good thing...
I would try really hard, calmly to reason with them as to all the benefits of that arrangement, they were the ones who taught you to be caring....
don't get into a yelling match, sit down and write down all the points as to why you think this is a good idea, ask em for an appointment, be a total adult about it and see how it goes...it also helps alot to able to have answere to the objections they will have beofore you bring it up,.....but listen to them, or at least look like you are and act grown and calm...good luck..wish I had a friend like you.

Answer 5

I know you want to help your friend but possibly your mom feels it might make your own family situation more stressed, have to have more responsibility. Is it a good thing to add this, especially if your father is sometimes mean? Since she is going to a group home, she may have the chance to eventually go from there into a loving foster family.
Just continue to be a true friend to her, even if your mom doesn't want her to live with her.

Answer 6

You have a kind heart but your parents have the rule of your home. They may not like someone strange to live with them. I've done this before and I kicked myself for trying it. You never know about someone till you live with them. Your friend might be one of the greatest people on Earth but your parents can't see it. Have they ever met this friend? Did you just come up with the idea and hit them with it? Parents don't like being put in that position. Invite your friend to come visit and let your parents get to know your friend first.

Answer 7

There is more to it than just letting her live there. People cost money. Also, your parents would have to get custody of her. There is so much more there than you think.

It's so good that you want to help. But perhaps a group home may be better for her. She has a lot of damage that may be better repaired in an environment that has more experience with it.

Good luck to you and your friend,
India

Answer 8

I think it is great for you to want to help your friend, but it isn't just that easy. There is a legal standpoint that your parents have to think about. They would have to become froster parents and/or get custody of her. There is also the point of supporting another child. I understand your point and really believe you have a heart of gold and want to help your friend, but right now I think the only thing you can do is listen to her. Keep in touch with her. Talk to your parents about what is going on with her, but remember there is more to it then just taking someone in. again, you are a great friend for wanting to help.

Answer 9

Well maybe you can try to reason with your mom. You need to find out her reasons as to why your friend cannot stay with you. Let your mom understand your friends situation too. That might actually change her decision.

Myabe you can also try to reason with your mom. You mom might be worried about costs? privacy? Discipline? Have a talk with her to try to negotiate with her and find a means where everyone can be happy. It might take a few modifications but your friend will probably be more than willing.

good luck!

Answer 10

talk to your parents rationally. Do not yell or talk disrespectful. That wont get you what you want. You need to use the pity treatment. Make them feel bad for your friend. Just explain in detail what she has been through. Hopefully this helps. let me know if it doesn't and I can try to be of more assistance.