does anyone knows a joke?

Question

plz ell me a joke and i'll choose u as my best answer

Answer 1

IN A LIMO CAR
the customer to the driver : why you didn't stop the light is red
the driver :don't worry I'm a perfect driver.

again the driver didn't stop on the red light

the customer:hey,the light is red
the driver:don't worry sir i told u that I'm perfect driver.

then the driver stopped on the green light

the customer:go ahead it's green
the driver:yeah, but there may be another perfect driver coming the other way

Answer 2

A woman went to her psychiatrist because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems.
Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once."
"Well, how did he look?"
"Very angry."
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual; how did it occur that you saw his face that time?"
"He was looking through the window."

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There is a new commander of a base of the French Foreign Legion, and the captain is showing him around all the buildings. After he has made the rounds the commander looks at the captain and says,
"Wait a minute. You haven't shown me that small blue building over there. What's that used for?"
The captain says, "Well sir, you see that there are no women around. Whenever the men feel the need of a woman, they go there and use the camel."
"Enough!" says the commander in disgust.
Well, two weeks later, the commander himself starts to feel in need of a woman. He goes to the captain and says, "Tell me something, Captain." Lowering his voice and glancing around, he asks, "Is the camel free anytime soon?"
The captain says, "Well, let me see." He opens up his book. "Why, yes, sir, the camel is free tomorrow afternoon at two o'clock."
The commander says, "Put me down for two o'clock then."
So the next day at two o'clock the commander goes to the little blue building and opens the door. There inside he finds the cutest camel he's ever seen. Right next to the camel is a little step stool, so he closes the door behind him and puts the step stool directly behind the camel. He stands on the stool, drops his pants, and begins to have sex with the camel. A minute later the captain walks in.
"Ahem, begging your pardon, sir," says the captain, "but wouldn't it be wiser to ride the camel into town and find a woman like all the other men?"

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Two guys are driving along in a car when they see two dogs mating in someone's yard. The driver says: "That is great. Me and my wife do that every night.
The passenger replies, "My wife is conservative, she likes the old fashioned way. But if you tell me how you get your wife to do this, I would like to try it."
The driver says: "Give your wife two martinis and she will be all set."
The next morning they're cruising along and the driver asks "How was it?"
The passenger answers: "It was great, but it took my wife ten martinis."
The driver looks at him funny and says "TEN MARTINIS?"
The passenger says "Yes. After two she was more than willing to make love that way but it took her eight more to get her out on the front lawn!"

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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

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Joe was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled."

So the that's what Joe did.

The next day at the bar his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," said Joe.

"Did she like it?" His buddy asked.

"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"

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Answer 3

Go To The Jokes & Riddles Section, Man..

Answer 4

What did Anne Sullivan do whenever Hellen Keller made her mad?

She left the plunger in the toilet!

Haha, Hellen Keller jokes are the best!

Answer 5

Why are Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles always smiling?

They don't know that they're black.

Ha, Ha, Ha

Answer 6

ask sum1: Why r firetrucks red? theyll say i dunno, u say:

because 2+2=4
4x3=12
12 inches in a foot
a foot is a ruler
Queen Elizabeth was a ruler
Queen Elizabeth had ships
The ships sailed the sea
the sea had fish
the fish had fins
the fins fought the russians
and the russians ALWAYS wore red.

thats y firetrucks r red

Answer 7

How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, and wait for the polar bear to come take a pee. lol!!

Answer 8

Yo mamma so ugly she made Ray Charles Flinch......hell yes thats my favorite

Answer 9

Here's two

1) Never trust a naked bus driver

2) A guy walks into a doctor's office and says "doc doc it hurts when I do this *waves hand*. And the doc says "don't do it."