My x boyfriend is coming home in March after serving 9 years. The relationship that we had was very disfunctional because drugs were involved. I have since straightened my life out and have now been clean and sober for 4 years now. Because he has been gone so long, and has no family here I feel that I need to help him get back on track. I was in love with him even when we used drugs because even on drugs we had a working relationship. He has been off of drugs, of course for 9 years as well and states that he has no desire to return to that lifestyle upon his release. I want to believe him, but I am just not sure because the true test will be when he actually gets released. When people are released from Prison in the state of California, they are given 200 dollars and are basically told to fend for themselves. I would hate to see him do something illegal to earn more money because he doesn't have a place to live. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this situation?
2007-01-07 06:33:09 · 36 answers · asked by tina M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
follow your heart maybe talk to him and offer him some help getting a place to live.
2007-01-07 06:37:15 · answer #1 · answered by hurts so good 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You better not play with fire. In one second you could relapse and be right back where u started. It's a known fact that they talk some good sh#t while they're in jail. They all find Jesus while locked up. As soon as they're released, Jesus flies out the window. Put yourself first! You can't get him on track, he has to get himself on track. Besides it really doesn't sound like it was much of a relationship, just two drug addicts getting high. And remember u can still have access to drugs in jail. I'm pretty sure u have your mind made up already that you'll take him back. But I'm pretty sure you'll be back to where u were 4 years ago.
2007-01-07 06:47:33 · answer #2 · answered by Who is it? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone deserves a chance and well I would think that someone serving for such a long time, would have had enough time to realize that such a lifestyle is not healthy. Therefore all you can do is to help him in any legal way possible, perhaps by getting a job etc... Don't look at the situation as if he has to prove to you that he has changed, simply give him a hand then who knows what will happen!!
2007-01-07 07:50:56 · answer #3 · answered by Yvette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay away from him. He will only drag you down. I had a guy who I was trully in love with. He got out after 10 years. And I agreed to see him. You have changed in the last 9 years. Being in there is like being froze in time. So he will be the same old guy. And I can almost promise you that he will be back to his old ways in a matter of months. Move on & try to forget him please. They are always so nice when they first get out. Then bam the old guy comes back. Stay away. Life is to short to put up with that.
2007-01-07 06:47:19 · answer #4 · answered by With My Forever 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you know him better than all of us here. Do you really think that he has changed? If yes the first thing you want to do is have him take an AIDS test. You want to be safe. Do not let him have access to bank accounts or credit cards. You want to hide all things that may be of value to you. Do all this till you are 100% sure he is straight and clean. Do not let him pressure you into giving in to him. This will be the first test for him. If you have any doubts about him, don't let him know where you are. If he does know, MOVE/
2007-01-07 06:42:54 · answer #5 · answered by cowboybronco01 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you've made it nine years without him, i think you can keep going.
you now have a drug free life and if he just happens to get back on drugs, then he'll drag you down with him.
right now you're on the right track and it would be great for you to find someone who is loyal and not going to bring you down with their unsucceful life, but bring you up even more with a succesful life.
find someone who will help with the kids and you, you've had your good times with your ex, and now maybe it's a good time to move on.
good luck:)
and you could always give it a shot with him and make it clear to him that you are trying to make your life better for you and the kids and if he starts going down a bad path, that you will be forced to leave him.
2007-01-07 07:02:04 · answer #6 · answered by shoe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a question to ask yourself. "do i really want this life back?" even though you said that he has no "desire" of returning to what he used to do. well, guess what? desires come and go, and you can not afford to be dragged along a dirty path after you've straightened out your life. he did not go to prison for 9 years for nothing, and his past will haunt him and haunt you in everything you do. i'm not asking you to turn your back on him, i'm just telling you that, no matter how ridiculous it would sound now, you are better off without him. get out and discover other things in life. other people in life. better people. clean people. people who deserve you and who would not do anything to hurt you. i wish you all the best.
2007-01-07 06:42:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He's an adult...don't jealpordize yourself or your situation over this...after 9 years you've both probably changed quite a bit...move forward with your lives separately...getting back together brings too high a risk of moving backwards instead of forward...
You're not responsible for him...he did something serious enough to get a 9 yr sentence...he'll figure out how to get by...you supporting him will just make him dependent on you...
2007-01-07 06:38:47 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Only you know what to do. You relationship was unhealthy to start with and you've since cleaned up your life. Do you want to chance going back to where you were?
I know you don't want to see him down and out, but he has to do this himself. You have to look after yourself.
I don't know if you are spiritual or not, but God removes us from situations for a reason. We can't take everyone with us on our journey. It's not your job to make his life work. There are other options.
What you could do is research those options for him and give him guidance, but I would keep him at a distance. You know the past. You know the effect he had on you. You know your strenghth.
Pray about it. The answer will come.
p.s....when my uncle got out...he went right back to drugging. he can't stop. he's addicted to that lifestyle.
2007-01-07 06:40:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Now here's a truly great use for Yahoo Answers! Your questions and concerns are valid, and asking them shows you really have grown up a lot while your x was gone. My advice is to find a good counselor (through your insurance, maybe, or even just an older family member or friend whose counsel you trust). What your x is going through is called a "time of transition" and he's very fortunate to have someone like you who cares about him and wants to help set him up to succeed. There'll be lots of complicated issues to face, and having a good counselor that he or you or both of you can go see can make all the difference in the universe, allowing you both to tackle each issue as it arises, make good decisions, and not get overwhelmed. My best wishes for you both!
2007-01-07 06:40:04 · answer #10 · answered by Zebra4 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I would take it easy. I don't want to tell you to "just get rid of him", etc.. because I don't know what the exact situation is, and I don't know who he is as a person. I would keep my guard up, and if he is really interested in turning his life around, and you are willing, then go for it. Everyone has made mistakes, and he may just need a second chance.
2007-01-07 06:36:09 · answer #11 · answered by facetious5488 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋