A very young girl (21) from my church, joined the reserves and has realized she made a terrible mistake.?

Question

She is not cut out for the military and is making herself sick over her bad decision. She is very depressed and not sleeping and she vomits from stress all the time. She doesnt know what to do and I don't have a clue how to help her. Please answer if you have something helpful to say and keep the sarcasim to yourself. I think we have all made mistakes when we were young and learned from them, hers is just a little more complicated. Sometimes these recruiters promise our young kids the world and its not like that at all. She is scared and miserable. She went to the base hospital for help and of course they couldnt care less. Please help me help her and advise her how to get out of this mess. Conscered readers only need reply. Thank you in advance for your help.

Answer 1

I'm sorry, but she is NOT a very young girl. She is a young woman and has entered into a contract with the government. If she is mentally unable to finish her duty, she will need a psychiatrist to attest to that. The military will also have her assessed. If the doctors disagree, an impartial doctor will assess her. Anyone would be stressed to be in the military during war. That is normal. If her stress is over and above, that is a different thing. The military doesn't want unstable people, so I'm guessing that it is not.

Answer 2

Sorry, but 21 is not "very young." She is an adult and able to make her own decisions and live with the consequences. Perhaps if she has some medical problem or mental illness, she could get out or if she could prove she was grossly mislead by the recruiters, but that will be very tough.

Maybe she made the decision for the wrong reasons and now she is feeling guilty along with not liking the military life (many young people have been too pampered to handle the discipline). Perhaps the basse chaplain or a support group could help her get through her change of conscience.

Answer 3

Honestly, if she is this upset about it she will not make it through basic training. But, to give up on yourself before you even begin is extremely shameful and cannot have a good outcome for a persons mental health. For the rest of her life she will tell herself that she is unable to do something because she backdown from a challenge. At least give it a try. If she is not cut out for it, the Drill Instructors will make sure she gets weeded out. But, to quit before she even starts, that is a true shame. I fear that it may haunt her for the rest of her life. If she has had a sheltered life and her church group is against it then they are holding her back and controlling her fate. When will she be old enough to make her own decisions. Sooner or later, she is going to have to face life's problems. It's only a matter of how she will respond. WIll she be a strong enough person to withstand the winds, or will she crumble due to a lack of self confidence always looking for the shelter of someone else.
I can understand her problems, but I can truly tell you that she will be better off at least making an effort. If not then she may never know her true potential. Plus if she is worried about being deployed, tell her to find a desk job that gives no reason to leave the gates. Then her only problem will be spending the time away from friends and family. Not much danger inside the base.
At least make an effort, if not she may regret it for the rest of her life.

Answer 4

I empathize, but...she should honor her commitment.

Being scared and miserable happens to a lot of people in the military. Just think of the thousands of kids drafted during wartime, many of whom died, who had no choice. She may regret her decision, but it was entirely hers to make. With all of the information independantly available to anyone and everyone about what's going on in the world today, she had opportunity to research her options before she made a decision.

This may be the first time in her life when she has to deal with the result of her own decision without an 'out.' It won't be the last; life just doesn't work that way. As one of your other answerers said, she's not active duty. Hopefully, she can honor her commitment to the reserves, then go about her life, a little wiser.

There's another factor she should consider. Think of all the women who have fought for the right to serve in the military, and to receive equal treatment. Having women who try and evade even voluntary service because they're too scared only serves to tarnish women everywhere, and support the view that women are unfit to serve. She may not have considered that, but she should.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

She joined the reserves. Big Deal. She's 21 she is not a young girl and if she didn't take the time to do her research and her homework than that is her fault. The military opens a lot of doors fort a lot of people. Going to a military "shrink" isn't necessary the answer unless she wants to be labeled as a head case when she gets out. Sometimes they just medicate people like her so heavily that she ends up messed up anyway. My best advice would be to fulfill her committment and take it for everything it's worth. She will learn a lot of valuable skills and probably makes tons of friends.

Answer 7

First, stop trying to make it look its other people's fault.

If she is on a base I am going to assume she is in Basic Training or her MOS school? If she is in basic training, this is not an unusual feeling. Everyone wants to quit at first, but most of them are happy at what they accomplished when they graduate. Yes, there are some who still want out after this point. But keep in mind, it is just the reserves. I am sure she is strong enough to handle it for just 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks a year. Yes there might be a deployment, but she isn't in a combat MOS so the chances of her seeing combat or even being in a combat zone are slim.

I do feel bad for her, but she made a commitment. Tell her to talk with the chain of command and see if they will help her, but if she cant get out(which is the most likely scenario) tell her to not be bitter. Feeling sorry for herself will only make things that much worse. Help her realize she is doing something honorable for her country and to make the best of it and she will be a lot happier. Its not all physical training and getting yelled at once you are with your unit. It gets easier. God bless.

Answer 8

Her situation is tough.

If you are right that she's not cut out then I don't that the hospital will help.

The only thing she can do is talk to her commanding officer and see about options to quit. Part of it depends on her contract of course and where she is currently serving; i.e., whether she's deployed or not.

On the otherhand, if it is YOU who are guessing she is not cut out to be in the military, then the true answer lies within herself.

Why is she depressed? Is it medical? I'd be shocked if the most powerful military in the world did not have a mental health unit. Having undiagnosed mentally ill people with weapons would be stupid. Even in Canada, the first part of entering the military requires some kind of mental illness test

On the otherhand, part of military training is to test one's mental stamina. People are honrably discharged. The military has means of rejecting those who they deem inappropriate.

What can she do else in the meantime? Try to make the best of it.

Answer 9

At 21, she is hardly a "very young girl." She is an adult who has entered into a contractual (if not moral) commitment of her own free will and has a responsibility to honor that commitment.

If you want to help her, help to make her understand that she is old enough to take responsibility for her decisions and to meet her obligations. To treat her as some kind of victim is doing her a great disservice. In fact, she sounds like an excellent candidate for military service. The military will provide her with the ability to think and act as an adult, things she should have learned long before now.

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Answer 10

You won't get far with the "it's just a young person's mistake" rationalization because there are 17-year-olds who enlist all the time and live up to their commitments. Your friend is an adult.

I encourage your friend to talk with people in her reserves unit, rather than non-military people in her church, because people in the unit have probably gone through similar stages or known people who have. They will be able to speak from experience.

Also, I encourage her to take advantage of counseling options that the military provides. I'm not sure where she went to the hospital or what she told them, but she needs to see a counselor and talk about her fears. The military provides all sorts of counseling options and promotes them widely to soldiers.

This is not what you probably want to hear, but I think this is a big moment for your friend to mature. She's not a girl anymore. She's a woman, and she made a commitment. We don't all like the commitments that we make, but we have to live with them. She should, too. It will give her self-respect.