what do you say to your dad????????

Question

im meeting my dad for the first time ever on tuesday. what do i say? he left my mum when she was pregnant and they lost contact. i recently got his address and wrote him a letter. to my suprise he phoned me and asked if we could meet... i said yes but DONT know what to say, hes missed out on 20YEARS of my life........plz help

Answer 1

Sounds like he is really sad that you and he have missed out on each other. Take some photos with you of you, and at least it will allow him to compose himself when he and you are choked up.
It will also break the ice.
Good luck and real men do cry!!!

Answer 2

Hi, my fiance had this problem when his dad got in contact when he was 16, the only thing is his dad put him up for adoption so its slightlty different that leaving you when your mum was pregnant. But as you got in touch with him and he is willing to meet you then that is great. I wouldnt worry about what to say as im sure that you both will start a conversation about something my boyfriend and his dad did as soon as they saw each other.
I suppose if it doesnt go well then just end all contact and then go back to how it was before. I would recommend taking someone to meet you or to keep close by incase hes a werido or something. no offence but you dont know people thses days.
All i say if he his ok and seem like a good bloke forget about the passed talk about it and then move on and go from now on. I hope it all works out well and have a good day with your dad.

Answer 3

quite simple, don't give him the opportunity to meet you. As you say, 20 years he's missed so what's it going to be like. A son probably relies on his dad most as he's growing up for which years your dad hasn't been there. As it is you'll probably still have situations that you could use a dads advice on but you've got by until now so what could possibly require his services now?? It may seem cruel or ignorant but where's he been for 20 years and has he ever tried to make contact with you? Bottom line, it's your decision ( albeit a tough one ) but some stones are better left unturned.

Answer 4

I am a father. My daughter was 4 when my ex and I got divorced. I tried as much as I could to be her dad . . in the end, I was a support check. Now she's off to college, I call her periodically, but overall . . we're from 2 diferent worlds.

All I ask is that you take it easy on him. I know this was hard on you too . . . but it will take two to reunite. Maybe nothing will come from it, maybe it will, but many go their whole lives not knowing their parents. Congradulations.

One more thing, be honest with him. If he says something you don't like . . let him know. If this is too hard on you, make the appt short and schedule another meeting soon.

Enjoy!

Answer 5

Hi,
My son found his father at age 25, similar situation.
They just got to know each other - for the first time.
You don't have to say anything about the past, at least not during the first meeting.
Just get to know him, find out what you have in common, what things you enjoy doing.
Questions about the past can be solved later. What if you don't get along with him at all? Then there's no use even talking about what happened before - you won't continue to have contact with him anyway.
Try to keep an open mind and just get to know him.

Answer 6

hi mate hope this helps. let him explain what happened to the story as im not calling your mum a liar but there is always two sides of a story. take him at face value ok and make sure you dont blame him, but the point is he is making the attemp to meet you when he could have just ignored you so that says somthing ok. try not to rake up the past and take it from now as the begining of somthing you both have missed out on..hope this helps ang god bless and il be thinking about you and most of all good luck my friend...jayjay

Answer 7

just say hi.
I met my dad for the 1st time after 26 years only to find that he had been living at the other end of my road when i was in uni lol difference being i was put up for adoption at 6 wks.
Just take it as it comes don't try dragging up the past just yet. get to know him first and decide if you like him not the other way round. just tell him about you and what you are doing with your life ask about his just take it slow and get to know each other. good luck im sure it'll be great.

Answer 8

Him this is a difficult situation, I would say that you should just say and do what ever you feel at the moment. If you can't think of anything maybe you can bring pictures of you growing up and work off of that. It might be a good way to get the ball rolling and share some stories.

Answer 9

wow?! best of luck with it, i hope it all goes well.. just take you time and say whatever you feel at the time.. honesty is the best policy so if you wanna tell him you're angry/happy/sad then do so.. he owes it to you to listen.. and if he doesnt, then theres a reason for him not being in your life.. he aint worth the time.. good luck!... oh.. also, if you wanna give the guy a chance, maybe try and see him as a new friend to begin with rather than your dad that left you and your mum.. i think it might help you to understand him better rather than being judgemental

Answer 10

First you greet him - warmly but not ecstatically. For starters you could ask about his health (more for your information about your heredity than anything else). Ask why he felt he had to leave your mother when she needed him. Hear him out. Remember that he did leave - there is no excuse but there could be a reason (probably not valid). How does your mother feel about you meeting him? (are you positive he is your father). Your mom's feeling are also very important. After all these years what does he expect your relationship to be? Good luck