moving in with fiancee and she wants to get rid of my cat?

Question

Hello,

My fiancee and I just bought a hosue and will be moving in together shortly. She is not a 'cat person', but does think my cat is very cute/lovable. She said she was OK with the cat living with us, but now has changed her mind. She claims that the cat startles her, cannot live with the hair/smell, and is mildly alergic (when she gets hair in her eyes).

I really do not want to give up my cat under any circumstances and am trying to come up with some sort of comprimise. She is an indoor cat who's spent her whole live inside (but looking out the window). The house has an enclosed back yard and I'm thinking about getting an electric fence and letting her roam out there. My financee said to let her do that + 'live' in the garage. I would really like to give her some sort of access to the house, but me fiancee really is opposed to it.

Does anybody have any ideas? comments? similar experiences or stories they can share with me? I'm trying to find a compromise here :) thank you!

Answer 1

Can your fiancee really be that terrific? A person who does not understand your commitment to a sentient being dependent on you for her life and well-being is not much of a human being.

I do not think you should compromise on this issue at all. A garage or outdoor life is not good for any companion animal. I am not sure if electric fences work with cats. I use cat fence-in so my cats can't leave my back yard. It is simply nylon netting attached to the fence and held away from the fence with some brackets that stick out on your side of the fence. If you have a lot of trees or large shrubs near the fence it can be quite difficult to cat proof.

One cat is not difficult to live with - there is not that much smell or hair or trouble in keeping one in your house.

At any rate I don't let my cats out at night and they don't want to be outside a lot in the cold weather (in CA where it seldom goes freezing or below.)

I don't feel necessarily that cat relationships are MORE important than human ones - the compromise is recognising that they are of equal importance.

It will be a lot easier to find a more mature and understanding fiancee than a new home for an older cat.

Answer 2

You obviously love your cat and it seems to me that you are the only one who is trying to compromise. Please don't let your poor cat live in the garage, and an electric fence is a bit mean. Your fiancee is being completely unreasonable - how on earth can a cat 'startle' someone!!! As you are aware, they don't smell, ok, there may be a bit of hair around, but vacuum cleaners solve that problem! I sense that perhaps her 'allergy' has suddenly developed now she doesn't want to keep the cat, however, if her allergy is genuine, you can buy some sort of wipe [like a wet one or baby wipe] that you can wipe over your cat's fur that stops allergies and is not harmful to the animal. You can get these from vets.

Personally, I have 3 cats and would not give them up for anybody, and that includes Brad Pitt! I am also allergic to them, however I put up with the sneezing and itchy eyes cos I love them so much!

Tell your girlfriend that the cats stays, and if she doesn't like it, she can either put up with it or move out! If she really loves you, she'll accept your lovely cat.

Answer 3

I'm not sure if this is the answer you want or not but I think you need to reconsider who you are going to live with and maybe marry. It may seem like a small, unimportant thing right now but further down the line if she hasn't got any more consideration for your feelings then you are going to have huge problems. In my opinion it is very unlikely that a cat lover and someone who is not a cat/animal person will get along for very long. Your personalities will clash and this is just the first indication. Please give this some thought. Your cat needs you more than your fiancee does and from the sounds of it your fiancee won't ever care about that.

Answer 4

If you are ready to move into a house with your fiance - well, obviously the fact that she IS your fiance - you must be crazy about her. And because of that, I admire the fact that you are trying to come up with a workable solution.

I don't believe that it is fair for her to turn the tables on you, especially after she agreed before that it was okay to have the cat at your new house. If she has allergies, make sure she has benadryl around and perhaps she should look into allergy shots.

This being said - do not let your cat become an outdoor cat. Even with a little electric fence, all sorts of hazards can befall her. The average age of an outdoor cat is 2-5 years. Check out this website for more information...

http://www.littlebigcat.com/index.php?action=library&act=show&item=indoorsoroutdoors

How would you feel about perhaps keeping your cat contained in a bedroom or laundry room that is specifically hers? As time goes on, allow the cat access to the rest of the house when you are home. You would then be able to spend quality time with your little one without having to bother your fiance. Then, at night, keep your kitty in her designated room. The next day, the same. The next day, the next day, so on and so forth. Hopefully, at some point, eventually your fiance will be as in love with your baby as you are and will want her to have roam of the house.

Meanwhile, your kitty is still inside. You are still adhering to the wishes of your fiance. And perhaps you are bridging a friendship between an animal and human.

Good luck and let me know how it turns out!

Answer 5

Sorry but people like her piss me off. To make a cat that has always lived in the house to be put outdoors which could stress her right out or live in the garage. You had the cat when she met you the cat should stay. Or find a loving home where someone will make it part of there family not stuck in the garage. The cat has done nothing wrong. I would find another fiancee. Its not the cat fault. Whats next your friends, family. Once you give her that control watch out.

Answer 6

If it was me she would be thrown out. Why say you can have the cat and then change her mind. An electric fence what you are serious here.Poor cat. Sounds as if the cat would be at a better home living somewhere else rather than getting a electric shock every time it goes to jump the fence. And poor neighbors cats too. If i lived near you i would call the Cat Protection League.What kind of person has she changed you into. You and your cat seemed happy enough living together.and now a poor helpless cat who only spent most of its day looking out the window ,is going to get treated so badly cause she says so. GET HER OUT LET HERE SLEEP IN SOMEONES GARAGE WITH ELECTRIC WIRING AROUND THE DOOR

Answer 7

Please don't give your cat away. Your fiancee may not be used to living with a cat but that doesn't mean that she couldn't come round to it. I don't think it is a good basis for a relationship if one partner asks the other to get rid of an important part of their life and to treat an animal like something that can just be given away or discarded. I don't believe that someone with such an attitude would make the ideal life partner and perhaps this is only the beginning- what will she ask you to give up next when it annoys her? Your friends? Your evenings out with the guys? Where does it end?

Answer 8

Oh dear !!! The psychology of this question is very telling !!!! Whilst I feel for your fiancee, I do feel she could at least give it a try !!!! Do you think she is going to be a bit dogmatic on other issues, later in your relationship ??? I suggest to you to put it to her as follows:- We try the scenario out for 6 month, if after 6 months she sneezes, coughs and cannot stand the cat at all ( most people are unaware of how affectionate cats are) you will find the cat a good home where it is going to be loved and you may be able to visit,. How about that for a compromise????

Answer 9

If your fiancee has cat allergies, she should go to the doctor and ask for a prescription of Zyrtec, which treats pet/indoor allergies. It's non-drowsy and would probably be helpful in her interactions with your kitty.

It's not ideal for an indoor kitty to become an outdoor kitty, especially if it is declawed. However, the electric fence would be helpful in protecting your kitty, and my own sister-in-law has done the same thing with her own cat once she got married (her husband also has cat allergies). You can also make a nice corner in the garage for your kitty with toys, treats and cushions to help acclimate her.

The other issue may just be whether or not your fiancee may think you love the cat more than her! Trust me, I've seen this before. Perhaps a heart-to-heart may be in order?

Answer 10

I think you should make the garage comfy and warm place for the cat. Now, that the garage would be the cat place to stay. Don't get rid of the cat just because your fiancee doesn't like cats that's not a good excuse. If you take the cat to a shelter, do you know how many cats are killed each year because they can't find a home for them. Please don't do that mistake