how can i have a better relationship with my mum and how to avoid becoming like her?? PLEASE HELP!!!!?

Question

my mum is always critisising everything i do and is always unhappy with me and its put me under a lot of pressure because shes always wanting more and more from me, and she hardly ever praises me. but the thing is the more she pushes me the more i want to rebel and she also doesnt give me much freedome in her despertion to force me to do my school work.. shes even taken away my phone and credit card and reguraly takes my internet cable.. she honestly expects me to sit at my desk 247.. i feel she is trying to take over my life instead of letting me do as i wish and learnin from my mistakes. and i am old enough to spot so many flaws in her parenting skills and i know i dont realy have a right to critisise my own mother but its just realy obvious where she is going wrong and i also really dont want to end up like her. its made my relationship with my mum really bad and i cant walk with her on the street without us having an arguement.

Answer 1

Hey don't sweat it, that's what mums do. I know it sounds hard to believe, but she's trying to help you. She wants you to learn from her mistakes rather than go through the pain of repeating them yourself -- to study hard and presumably get good grades. Because guess what happens to your life if you don't succeed in school? Yep your grown-up life could be a misery with bad jobs, poor income, terrible conditions, insecurity, just a heap of mess. Clearly mum is anxious that whenever she says "study!" you're going "no! I won't!" and she's probably afraid you're going to end up cleaning toilets for a living. And oh yes you will, without a decent education it'll be "goodbye secondary, hello bog-brush".

Best way to handle it? Get ahead of her game. Go on and do your studying really thoroughly (yeah sounds boring I know, but trust me it'll get easier the more you do it -- and I can tell you from experience that you will thank your young self later for taking your schooling seriously). Here's the clever bit. Do it Without Being Asked. When she starts barking at you to study, tell her (cheerfully!) that you already have -- tell her which chapters you read, what report you finished, what worksheets you did, and to prove it, give her a couple of facts about your subjects that maybe she didn't know herself. That will knock her out for the count, won't it??

And, um, keep it up! Hey you might even pick up your grades and ace a university degree in a few years time and get your dream career, now wouldn't THAT beat all??

Answer 2

Wow, sounds like your mom is trying to keep you from becoming a spoiled brat. Credit Cards? Geessh, when I was a kid there were no such things. I've never heard of a child with a credit card, and you're complaining? Unless you've a job and can pay for your own cards, then I understand mom taking it away. She's the one that's gotta pay for your purchases.

Look, I've got a problem child also, and have to make limits. My son has a mild Autism, and he can get very violent and aggressive toward me. I'm a single parent, widowed, and parents do have to get tough on their kids, otherwise the children do not learn, or worse...become greedy. Not everyone learns without consequences. If I didn't set bounderies, my son would take over. Same with you. Your mom has to set bounderies, otherwise you would try and take full control. Most children would.

If it's really bugging you, then sit your mom down and talk to her. But before you do, make a list of your complaints, BUT also make a list of how they could be better handled. Work up an agreement, and a contract between you and her.

Answer 3

I know how you feel and i really feel for you.My mother criticized me for about 30 years of my life and only stopped when a close friend of hers told he that what she was doing was making her look silly and was also ruining her and mines rel'p.
Talking to her might help, don' t be like me and retreat and not talk,i wish i could have asked her more often what the problem was but i was so cut up.
Wisdom does not necessarily come with age and i mean that in a good way.Life is a learning curve and we can all do with learning a little summin new everyday.Being an adult does not mean that you should put extraordinary pressure on yourself to try and understand what is goin on in your mother's mind.
Are you financially secure enough to leave home?, can you go and live with a close family friend?, maybe putting some distance between you may give your mother some time to realise just how precious a mother and daughter rel'p should be.As hard as it may be i think some tough love is needed here.Stick by your guns and stay focussed.You and only you are responsible for your life and the person you want to be and most importantly remember you are SPECIAL !!!

Answer 4

Let's first try to find out why your mum crticises you all the time.
A person who criticises others does so because she finds herself inadequate in many respects. It could be that your mum was deprived of a college education, and had to settle down to a dull job or dull married life. She does not want to see you go the same way. Or maybe she has seen some talents in you, which she is afraid you might waste by spending time on the phone or internet, and not working hard enough to secure a good future for yourself.

She probably puts restrictions on you because she does not want you to lose your focus. It's true we all need to relax some time or other, and I'm sure if you put in adequate effort at your school/college desk, then your phone, internet cable, etc. will all come back. But you must first demonstrate to her, to her satisfaction, that you are serious about your work, and are not going to fritter away your time. Remember one thing. This is the age where you must not lose focus. If you miss the opportunity you may not get another. People say you can always go back to college later in life. All this is very fine so far as words go. In practice you will find it very difficult to sart serious study as a 30 year-old, and even to sit in a classroom with 18 and 19 year-old students can be uncomfortable.

Listen to your mother. She does know best, because what she knows, she has probably learnt through her own bitter experience, and she wants to guard you against the very pitfalls she had probably fallen into. This behaviour is also known as LOVE, but many don't recognise love when it takes this form.

Don't listen to others' advice about moving out, etc. That would be a very wrong step for a young girl like you. Remain at home, and do your duty as a daughter, which at present is to concentrate on your studies, and help your mother with all the chores with a smile. She'll bless you for it.

Don't worry about growing up to be a xerox coipy of your mother. You won't. I also had a strict upbringing. And when I had children I vowed that I will keep all the values cultivated in me by my parents, but I will try (mind you, TRY) not to make their mistakes. I do not regret my decision.

A little consideration and understanding on your part will go a long way to cement a bond of love between your mum and yourself. Be thankful for your experience. It is also a necessary part of your growing up, and you'll emerge a better person for it.

God Bless.

Answer 5

I really don't think that you will end up like her. You can see what is wrong in her parenting skills and you won't want to have a relationship with your children in the future like yours and hers. Also just talk to her. What is the worst that will happen? You might argue again so nothing will have changed. but there is always the chance that she will change. If you have a hard time talking about it, write it down. Just explain everything to her. I think she will also see that your relationship has gotten so bad that you had to write her a note. Well i hope this helps.

Answer 6

try sitting down with her, and having a talk, tell her how you are feeling (leaving out the comments on her parenting skill)., just explain that you feel bad and like she puts you down,,,,, as to your school work? are you grades not good? if so,, then you shouldnt be on the phone and the internet,,,,, atleast not during the school week,,,,,,,,, so talk with her about that,,,,,,,,,,about setting certain hours to study,,,,,,, if your grades are good, maybe she will compromise some with you,,,,,, it sounds like you are both just two totally different personalities,,,,,,, that can happen,,,,, and if so, you most likely will not be like your mother very much,,, just make sure when you have children not to go the opposite extreme,, and not require any effort from them , finally , keep in mind that most mothers and daughters disagree during the teen years,,,,,, it usually calms down by the time the child turns 18 or so

Answer 7

I would sit down with her and ask her what she expects from you. Then, try to work out comprimises so you can get the things you want. Ask her what it would take to get your phone back and your credit card...etc. Make her be specfic and write it down. Right now the two of you are butting heads. You want what you want, she wants what she wants and neither of you are trying to find the common ground. This will take some sacrifice on your part because you have to be willing to meet half way, But, if you go into the discussion with an open mind and a willingness to come up with a comprimise, it will work.

Answer 8

parents unfortunately are not perfect neither are kids.Mom is trying the best she knows how to protect you from what she sees as presumable threats to her child's life and wellness. My advice to you would be to try and understand your moms view of the world. What she sees on a daily basis greatly influences her decisions on raising you. Try to let your mom know how you feel with the understanding of how she feels with todays issues that are a constant bombardment on parent child relationships.If you can obtain common ground dialect with her then this will help you both in your communication,towards mutual understanding and respect for each other. Good luck

Answer 9

Well what i can tell you is she only whats the best for you that she want you to be the best that you can be and you've got your hole life ahead of you to party relax and have more fun that you can have( you must talk to her tell her you want to know when she is proud of you and when you;ve done something tell her how you feel and how she makes you feel by the things she says about you) come to an agreement - you will study for 3 hr a day then what to have the freedom to do what you want see how it works and what she says!

Answer 10

is your mum all that bad that you don't wanna be like her. appreciate her and know that she won't always be there to keep you from making mistakes. no mother wants to see their child make mistakes, maybe we are wrong for that be all mothers(in their right mind) want only the best for their child. it might seem harsh now but as you get older YOU WILL appreciate that she was there when she was. remember the old saying"you don't miss the water til the well runs dry."