serious answers please.?

Question

My second child will be 7 in 3 months. He does great in school and he plays baseball and loves it. He is very outgoing and lovable, but for the last year, his personality has changed and even though he is still the way I described, he wines and cries all the time, he throws himself down and is very emotional and disobeys a lot. He thinks he can't do things and cries out of frustration, he cries when he doesn't get his way, he cries when he is in trouble. And if he can't make tears come out he thinks of something sad, like my uncle that died last year. His crying is more fake then anything, but it is causing other kids to not want to play with him. What do I do? I think it is the middle child syndrome more than anything, but how do I know if it is something more? I am going to talk to his Dr. about it. I also think it may be his age - anyone else have this experience with their 6 year old?

Just so everyone is clear - my children all get lots of attention - love, hugs, kisses, and I love you's from both me and their dad, who yes, I am still married to.
When all the changes happened, he went from 5 years of being the baby to sharing everything - attention, room, toys, etc. with his new brother. That is where the " middle child" comes to play. We do not allow his behavior and we do praise him for good things as well.

Answer 1

First and Foremost whenever something like this kind of change occurs go to your doctor to rule out a medical cause. Once those have been ruled out then we can look at other things.

It could be a number of things at this age. If there have been any changes such as divocre, seperation (from anyone he was close to), loss etc. you could be looking at an adjustment disorder which is fairly common and treatable.

You could be looking at attention seeking........this one is usually pretty easy to determine if you carefully observe! If you keep in mind that all behaviour is motivated then it means he is getting something out of it........does he get his own way when he cries, does he get hugs, love, reassurance, do you drop everything to see to him when he acts out????? To a child who wants attention even negative attention is attention. Have you tried asking your child why the change.......why now when it never used to be a problem......children of this age of very little insite but you might just be surprised by the answer.

Here are a couple of tips - catch him doing right and use pure descriptive praise for example Johnny your closet is so organized this means that later in the day if something goes wrong and he is bad it doesn't take away what was said earlier the only thing that can take away that is to tell him he is disorganized! We often tell children what not to do........and leave it up to them to discover what to do......what we expect......so tell them, praise them when they are doing right. Praise the behaviour you want to see more of. Telling a child they are wonderful, they did a fantastic job doesn't mean much because they do not know the formula for doing it again......tell them exactly what was done right and ta da command performance!

Because this is a new behaviour I would not suggest that he is super sensitive......unless there was some sort of trauma that came before this change.......was he close to your uncle?

There are many many different things we could discuss.....take him to a doctor to rule out medical, while in that process seriously look at the attention seeking which is probably the most likey with at least two other children in the home.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

I am going through the identical scenario with my six year old daughter. It is exactly as you described. She is not a middle child though, she is the youngest. Up until about 6 months ago she was happy all the time, sweet, obeyed most rules most of the time. But now it is a complete turn around. I thought that my daughter was possibly imitating a new friend she made in cheer leading. They started spending a good amount of of time together and this behavior was typical for the other little girl. So I started to strictly limit any time she is spending with her friend and her father and I have let her know that anything she asks for with that whining voice will go completely ignored and that if she expects a response from us she needs to speak to us normally. This has improved the situation some. But I will tell you, it got worse before it got better. When we first started ignoring the whining it frustrated her and she screamed and cried and threw temper tantrums. But we didn't give in, and it has changed the frequency of the whining quite a bit.

Answer 3

After reading the answers so far, they are very insightful (disregarding a few). I have the same situation. It got to be so bad and I felt like such a horrible mother that I took him to a counselor. Come to find out, he was having problems with friends at school. I didn't think something like that would cause our family life to become so frustrating. But children show their frustration in different ways. Children will act out with their parents more than anyone because no matter what, our love for them is unconditional. They know we are "safe" to throw fits around. We'll still love them even if we don't "like" them at that moment. After a conference with his teacher at school to get to the bottom of the problem, his attitude made a complete turn for the better. Sometimes children will open up to strangers (counselors, teachers) before they tell you. Good luck!!

Answer 4

Let him know that you don't speak "whinish" and he needs to ask for what he needs like the big guy he is. When he gets what he wants from asking and he doesn't get what he wants when he cries and whines it may turn things around.

Another thing you might try - I read about it recently but can't remember the book - is just to notice him. When he's just sitting there reading say, "I notice you're reading a book. Is it good?" and pay attention to his answer.

When he realized he's being noticed for good behavior, the bad behavior may slow down.

Answer 5

If the phrase, "emotional intelligence" strikes you as odd, it's probably because we're used to thinking about intelligence as being "pure" logic, while emotions just get in the way. It turns out, though, that emotions and intelligence are really closely linked. People who can't identify or understand their own emotions often make bad decisions, no matter how much brain power they have. On the other hand, people who are intelligent about their own and others' feelings, are often successful in life even if their ability to handle hard facts leaves a lot to be desired.

Answer 6

The only reliable answer you are going to get is from a professional, after seeing the child for himself, talking with him, and then making a diagnosis from experience and training. The big mistake NOT to make is doing nothing and just hoping he will "grow out of it". Time's a'wastin' Make an appointment, see a specialist in these behavioural matters.

Answer 7

i think he become crying pretend tears the completed time. he's thoroughly no longer severe about the courting and he's dropping priceless emotions on him. do not supply your coronary heart away to an insecure, chilly-hearted human being like that. He appears like he's basically toying with you. He appears like he basically needs to comprehend how a techniques he can go into breaking you down till you ultimately say you've had adequate. i don't believe of he's the right one for you, sweetie. there are an excellent type of worthier adult men accessible that you'll be able to be sure on, yet heavily no longer this one you're speaking about. by way of the years, you'll ignore about him. do not project. you may love him in spite of the undeniable fact that it doesn't advise that you'll be able to't positioned that love onto some different person more effective worth. best of success.

Answer 8

Dear Mom of 3,
I believe in my heart that, number 1. You are a great mother and doing a great job parenting, 2. children behave badly for lack of discipline (spanking, but with an explanation) or lack of affection (hugs while saying "I LOVE YOU".)
We have all met people who have grown up without discipline or affection. They are all screwed up. They fight all the time. Their marriages fail and then they remarry and they fail again.
I cannot emphasize enough, how important it is EACH DAY to take EACH child in your arms, hug them, and tell them that you love them and each time they are bad to give them a little spanking and explanation that you will not tolerate bad behavior. And when they are 8 or 9 years old, you take them to your local police station, introduce them to a policeman or policewoman, and then sit there in the lobby and tell them that you will bring them there any time for vandalism, shoplifting, drugs, or graffitti. Children who have done this with a parent readily tell a peer that bad acitivities are out for them because their parents will take them to the police station and have already proven that. Hope this helps!

Answer 9

Yes I would talk to the dr, it could be that he is just needing more attention from you and is trying to get it in a negative way, and it could be that he is developing a mental disorder, so I would get him checked out if it continues over a period of time say like several months.

Answer 10

sometimes, children do this if the parents arent giving enough attention. Im not blaming you for this, because you sound like a great parent for being concerned. He could be unsatisfied with his friends. maybe he is being bullied at school. maybe all yo need to do is be softer on punishment, and talk to him, and give him lots of attention.