The rest of my family keep putting keep putting tacky crap on my mums grave, ie scoobies,10 fairies, hand painted flower pots etc etc. it as got a mess what do i do. I'm my mums yougest son i have two older brother and an older sister.
2007-01-07 02:42:45 · 13 answers · asked by jenkins355@btinternet.com 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
the problem is my mother wouldn't have liked alot of the things that are on the grave. My older sister (who is nearly 40) is buying knick knacks for it in the same way she bought for my mum when she was alive. although i understand that she is still greving, i believe that my mum is entitled to some dignaty and that her grave shouldn't look like a bric-a-brac sale!!
Correction, my mum died 18 months ago in may of 2005.
2007-01-07 02:55:01 · update #1
Thank you all. You are all very kind with your answers.
2007-01-07 04:30:48 · update #2
speak to someone in the family who you feel you can trust and will understand where you are coming from - maybe your dad? Explain to them that you feel her dignity is being comprimised and that you feel like enough is enough now.
keep going to see your mum, leave the bits there but rearrange them so they look tidier, plant a few bits and keep it all clean.
Your family may then see the effort you are putting in and leave it with you to make sure the site remains tidy and beautiful.
This maybe hard but i'm guessing that as your sister is nearly forty you are not a child, so maybe you have a partner who can help.
2007-01-07 04:21:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't touch them. I went thru a similar deal. I learned that you just go and pay your respects. While there just tell your mom that you are sorry that the others are making such a mess but that you don't wanna touch anything and start a family war. Parents usually understand their kids in their individual ways. My sister and brother kind of did the same thing. They weren't as close to my dad as I was. But it seems that when the holidays come they go overboard. I hate to tell them but holidays aren't the only time you should think of your parents whether they are dead or alive. The others are just dealing with their loss. If you want you could find out what the cemetary allows. Some of them don't allow that stuff and will write letters to have it removed. Depends on their rules. Mourn in silence. You may need your siblings for something. It's not worth the fight. Trust me. I know.
2007-01-07 03:03:13 · answer #2 · answered by Me2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I am assuming that the things that are left at your mothers grave are left by your brothers and sister. For some reason these "tacky" things have meaning to them. This is their way of commemorating your mother by sharing something of meaning (maybe even a hidden meaning between them and your mother). You must have something that only you and your mother has shared that would help you by placing it on her grave sight. Even if you don't, allow some time for the rest of your family to finish there grieving period and I truly believe that the "tacky" drop-off will abate. God be with you!
2007-01-07 03:00:50 · answer #3 · answered by GAil K 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry for your loss.I lost my mom 2yrs ago.I don't think that putting thing's on her grave is tacky.You have to remember that everyone deal's with death in their own way and the grave is a place that people can still go to and show respect and remember and celebrate that person's life.I think that leaving thing's on the grave is a sign of respect and it show's that the person was loved and obviously missed.The next time you are at the cemetery look around at all the graves that DO NOT have anything on them,to me that is sad because obviously there are a lot of people that once they are buried they are pretty much forgotten about.If i were you i would not look at the thing's on your mom's grave as tacky but look at them as a wonderful sign of respect for her that people loved her enough to continue to try and give her the thing's she enjoyed in life.Try not to mourn her death,instead celebreat her new life..Good luck to you and remember in each passing bring's a new beginning...
2007-01-07 02:56:45 · answer #4 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone deals with grief in their own way. Apparently your family feels that this helps them to deal with the situation.
Is it possible to meet with your siblings and agree on what things are appropriate? There needs to be a compromise of some sort --maybe a limit on how many items can be there at one time and how long it can stay there?
Before you meet, realize that some of the "tacky crap" may have to stay in order to have peace within the family. Which would have made your mother happier -- a "neat" gravesite or her family getting along like adults?
Does the cemetery have any rules about this? It might be worth looking into that before you meet to discuss it.
2007-01-07 02:52:03 · answer #5 · answered by Marilyn E 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's nice you care so much about your Mom's grave site.But you have to understand that different people grieve in different ways.You see it may help your sister to buy little things and put them there.It's her way of saying"I Love You Mom".Now you wouldn't want to take that away from her would you?And I'm sure your Mom is looking down from Heaven with love in her eyes for all ofyou.Why don't you try & straighten the grave site up? Make it look nice with everything there,give it some order.You need eachother now & your Mom would want it that way...
2007-01-07 03:07:51 · answer #6 · answered by quiz buckler scoop 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first off, you mentioned that you have 3 older siblings. Do they have a problem with what the family is doing, or are they doing it too? If they don't like it either, then start with them. Talk to them first about the way you feel, then as a group, talk to the rest of the family. Hopefully, as your mother's children, they should understand your feelings.
2007-01-07 02:48:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all i am so sorry for your loss,
your family are doing this b/c they love your mom and they miss her I'm sure they did not mean this in a bad way,i am not saying you don't love your mother it just that you are young and you don't understand but i suggest you continue doing things that your mother loved when she was alive b/c when she looks down on you from heaven she will be smiling.
2007-01-07 03:33:28 · answer #8 · answered by princes 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your lost, it must've hurt alot for you. Your family is just trying to honor your mother, they are trying their best. To make a hand painted flower pot probably took alot of time, which shows how much they care for your mom.
2007-01-07 02:50:51 · answer #9 · answered by Rich 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen. I hate to break it to you but your mum's dead. There is nothing you can do about it. My dad died a few weeks ago. Stay close to your family and don't piss them off by taking off the junk. If it's really that important to you, talk to them. Don't take matters into your own hands because family is the most important thing right now and if you get them mad at you now, who do you have?
2007-01-07 03:40:06 · answer #10 · answered by Amy 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋