Difficult guests?

Question

At a dinner party, one of the guests feels they have the right to say they don't like the music I have on in the background. I go to the bathroom, and when I come back, I find that they have changed the music to something they like. That happened to me once, I tolereated that behaviour on that occasion, and never invited rhat person again. Could I have done anything at the time without ruining the atmosphere for the other guests?

I wanted to add that there were 8 of us enjoying a lively conversation and the background music I had on was unobtrusive classical guitar music. The guest had put on rock music which he had brought and turned up the volume, which I turned down when I came back. My other guests looked uncomfortable and the conversation had stopped.

Answer 1

Make it a joke, and politely change the music while saying to the rude guest...I wouldn't do that at your place, now would I? I am glad that you're a guest of mine and that you're here, but please don't do that again without asking permission. I am kind of sensitive to whom touches my stereo...sort of one of my quirks. Keep it between you and the other person. I doubt anyone else would notice. Judging on their behavior from taht, you may choose to either invite them again, or not.

Answer 2

On second read, I can say that I like your tastes in music! I am indeed sorry the other guests were made so uncomfortable. That sort of thing really can bring a gathering down round everyone's ears.
It is obvious to me the guest who changed the music was indeed quite inconsiderate of others, and rude.
I do agree this is why I would not attempt to do entertaining on a large scale, as noted by the person posting after me.
The rest remains, unchanged:
There is nothing you could have said. No offence is intended, but I want to be honest. Assuming the guest had not been out and out rude in expressing dissatisfaction with the music. I think he or she was simply thoughtless.
I might add that anything you might have said could have easily impressed other guests with the idea you lacked poise, have controlling perfectionist attitudes, and some may have concluded that you have very uncomfortable y-fronts and have general tendency toward being a prat.
My perspective:
First, I want my guests comfortable; often I leave it up the the guests to help choose the music.
Perhaps because I haven't aged sufficiently, I have some strange idea that good company is more important than having the music I want, and it is a bloody sight more important for all to have a good time and enjoy myself than to have rigidity in my approaches of entertaining.
I get the impression you were so offended you would have been willing to embarrass someone who you invited, as long as it didn't embarrass others. I doubt you will think my thoughts worth anything.
On the other hand, I hate to see you turn perfectly good people away over something trivial.
--Charles, That Cheeky Lad

Answer 3

The polite thing for them to have done in the first place would have been to wait for the end of the cd, and to ask in a curious and friendly manner to ask to see your other music selections. Then they could say something like "Hey, i always wanted to hear this" or "Wow you have good taste, especially this, can we listen to this now?" No ruffled feathers that way, and they still eventually get what they want.

But since they didn't do that, and although they WERE a bit rude to have put it quite that way, it can still be seen as a bit of oversight on your part that you didn't try to find an agreeable solution for everyone right away. However, having failed to do this, they should still not have messed with your stereo. Just messing around with stuff in other people's houses is a big paux pas, and they knew this, else they wouldn't have done it while you were out of the room. There is nothing you could do at this point to rectify the situation without making everyone feel a little chilly, so ignoring it just that once was a good move.

You could mention to them later that it bothered you that they DJ'd your house though, once you're not in a group anymore. Trying to resolve it that way is preferable to never having this person over again. Obviously, you thought enough of them to invite them once- is it worth losing whatever friendship you have over the fact that you were both just raised differently?

Answer 4

If they changed the music, is it safe to assume that it was something else from your collection, not some thing that they had brought with them - therefore still your choice of music - just not at that moment - without asking you, as the Host seems a bit off, but if you were absent for more than a few seconds - the other guests could have agreed to the change without wanting to upset you, and maybe hoped that you wouldn't notice....as long as the volume hadn't changed it seems that you have nice guests, who care about your feelings....invite them again, and see what happens - then make your decision. X

Answer 5

YOur guest is in the wrong. The loud rock music he replaced is not suitable for a quiet dinner. He is rude to do what he did. You could have changed back to your music and see what he would do. Nothing, I'm sure. I don't think he will go and change it back to his music which would look really bad on him. He would have no choice but to bear the embarrassment and counter-disrespect from you. Peple like these should be treated this way.

Answer 6

I feel that you handled that quite appropriately. A guest is just that, a guest. You have probably been to a few dinners and parties yourself where you did not care for the atmosphere, the food, or the people. However, I bet you handled it politely and did not attempt to change anything. Your guest apparently does not like to be invited to your events, and therefore does not deserve another invitation.

Answer 7

There isn't much you could have done, short of lowering yourself to the level of the boob who changed the music. Anything would have created an uncomfortable atmosphere for everyone else. The rest of your guests surely recognized your class and appreciated your behavior. Furthermore, the bad guest most likely lost many future invitations. Sadly, this person probably has no idea that what was done was in bad taste.

Answer 8

I think they were rude.
What would YOU do if you went to someone's house and you didn't like their choice of music? I would put up with it and on the way home ask my husband if he liked the music because I thought it was dire. I would not dream of changing it while the host was out of the room.
What was the reaction of the other guests when the rude ones said they didn't like it. Was it truly awful music or did some of them say it was great?
I would have been upset if it had happened to me.

Answer 9

Yes, I would be cross but forget it dear, there are heavier things to worry about. Why not make a list of your CD's and ask your guests to state their preference on their arrival. That way, everyone gets a chance to listen to their favourite and not complain.However, you have to realise that some people are just odd - I love classical music but this absolutely bores the pants off most of my friends. So I just listen on my own and tolerate the other stuff for the sake of friendship.

Answer 10

I suppose it'll depend on how familiar you are with the guest, if they were close I'd go "Oi, I liked that" and make a joke about how it relaxes the urge to stab your dinner guests with a fork... or something. But to be honest I reckon you did the right thing.

Answer 11

Say something like, oh, I'm sorry, I was hoping everyone would like it. These are some other cds that I have. What would everyone like to listen to? A good hostess tries to please her guests. This isn't a difficult guest, just a guest that was ignored by the hostess. If you keep finding that you are excluding people from your parties, you won't be having a lot of parties in the future.