I have been dating my fiance for 7 years and have been engaged for three. I set my wedding date this past August. We waited three years because we are paying for the wedding on our own and we could finally afford it. My sister in law has been engaged for less than 2 months (to a guy that she's only known since August) and called my fiance last night to ask if it was okay to get married the week before us. Obviously, this is COMPLETELY ridiculous in my mind and I am stressing out about it. We have to call her within a couple of days to give her our final decision but, since she is convinced that getting married will help her to get a lot more college financial aid (she's only 18!!!!!!), I think that she might go ahead and get married the week before me anyway. Am I being a crazy Bridezilla? I really am stressed about it and it's already a bummer because all of the drama surrounding her wedding has really taken away from ours. Errgh!!!!!
2007-01-07 02:06:19 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Go on with your wedding. Whoever really cares and wants to be at yours, they will be.
Her life and her choice she is making. You can't do anything about it. Most likely she will end up in divorce and you defiantly don't want to follow on that.
2007-01-07 13:54:32 · answer #1 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can see where you'd be concerned about her marriage in general, not just the date of the wedding. But that's a separate issue.
Will family members have to travel for the weddings? That could be a financial hardship two weekends in a row and they would have to choose. So if that's the case, I think you have a legitimate concern.
In the best world, I would tell you to take the high road, embrace it and shop/plan with her. Enjoy the spotlight together rather than making it a competition. People will know that you are being the "bigger" person for having made the effort. I know that's not always possible, but I do think it would be the answer that 1) creates the least stress now and 2) sets up the best relationship going into the future.
The bottom line is that she IS asking for your "blessing" and you don't have to give it to her -- for whatever reason you want. Good, bad or otherwise. That's your choice. But, as you said, it may not stop her from doing it anyway.
And if none of that helps, remember that because your wedding will be second, it will be the one that everybody remembers most!
2007-01-07 02:20:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think what your sister in-law is doing is ridiculous and it doesn't sound like she really loves the man she is going to marry since she's saying how she'll get financial aid for being married. I would suggest sitting down with her and telling her how you feel and tell her that you've had this planned for a long time and that if she gets married the week before you, it will make everything chaotic for you and the families. When you and your fiance call her back, tell her that you would rather she not do it then because you want the focus to be on you for that week and that will make everything really stressful for you. Also, tell her if she wants to get married a month or two before, that would best. Especially considering she's 18, it doesn't seem like she's making a good choice so you may want your fiance (I assume this is his sister), to talk with her about whether she really wants to do this now or wait a little be longer. The only thing that would make having her wedding the week before yours is if it's going to be a very small thing that would probably be fine.
Good luck!
2007-01-07 02:24:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your sister in law doesnt have any morals or respect towards you whatsover. Of course you should be upset...its your wedding that you have been planning for months. Look I have a sister in law like that too. I plan my babyshower in August which she knew. What does she do? Has her babyshower a day before mine when all along she told me she was going to have hers in July. She's a big show off, competitive, jealous, but doesn't complement me for anything I have. Don't worry about it people that do things random without thinking never finish on top. Everybody knows you're the true bride because you did things right. Yeah people will be at her wedding but everybody knows how much validity it has...maybe she'll end up divorced anyway. Be happy and don't worry about others, your day is comming and don't let something like this ruin it.
2007-01-07 13:20:02 · answer #4 · answered by ♪♫♫♪ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A wedding is just a day. Like Miranda said in Sex & the City, "You get a day, not a week." I don't think she'll be taking away from your day since no matter what day of the week it is, people will still love you just as much and value the commitment you're making. So, yes, you are being a bridezilla. Ten years from now, no one is going to remember that your sister in law got married the week before you did. Chances are, she'll be divorced by that time anyway.
You've been with your guy for years...is one day (and how perfect or not perfect it is) really going to affect the love you have for him? No.
2007-01-07 04:11:24 · answer #5 · answered by Galoshes 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
My cousin's kind of doing a similar thing to me: I've been dating someone for a very, very long time and we're finally talking about getting married, and my cousin (who is three years my junior) just met someone three months ago (her first boyfriend ever, really) and they're already talking about marriage. I guarantee she'll be married before me even though I've been waiting forever for my turn. Totally takes the spotlight off me. But what can I really do? My relationship is solid and loving and true - and that's all I can hope for. Crap like that happens all the time, because some women are stupid about their choice of husband, and just want a wedding as soon as possible. Some women even use their weddings to compete with other women. It's awful. My advice is just express your feelings to your sister in law and let her make her decision. She'll do what she wants anyway. And don't worry if she gets married two weeks before you - she'll probably get divorced before you as well! Just enjoy your fiance and your wedding. Best of luck.
2007-01-07 02:15:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
You are totally in your right. Don't believe that "only a day" bs.. It takes more then a day to plan a nice wedding, so why not take a week to celebrate it. After all its your wedding! You SIL is crazy! She's just trying to get attention. If she didn't want the attention then she can go and get married at the court house and not tell anyone till after yours, or wait till after yours... Tell her that she is crazy for doing this.. in the end she sounds like she will act spoiled and do what she wants, but you relationship sounds like true love, and that will take it all the way! Good luck and best wishes!
2007-01-07 08:16:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
oh dear,,so the 18 year old has chucked her toys out of the pram and wants the attention all on her! if she goes ahead all the same people will be at yours ,yes? but will they...who wants to buy TWO new sets of clothes and can they all afford to..will they tire of present buying and honestly be full of good cheer for the second wedding,,there will undoubtedly be someone traveling but will they come twice,,you and your hubby deserve a day totally about you and not being compared to the 'last' wedding which,lets face it will still be on their minds,,you can sit at home with a wax doll sticking needles in it so she cant walk or you can gage if this wedding is actually going to take place and postpone your own,,she is being rather selfish and someone needs to point this out,,it wont kill her to take a later date to show she isnt raining on your parade but at 18,,will she just think you are trying to stop her getting married.making the best of a bad situation isnt something that always brings a happy solution but that is all it can give,,,the best of a bad situation,,it doesnt promise anything,,,,,you have choices to make.
2007-01-07 02:22:43 · answer #8 · answered by lex 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ignoring the issue of whether or not she should even get married I see nothing wrong with her marrying a week before you. It actually could work out well for out of town guests who could spend the entire week for wedding festivities instead of having to fly out twice in a relatively short time span. It could give you and your fiance more time to see family and the opportunity to go to a wedding right before yours. Consider her wedding your practice, you guys will know what not to do : )
2007-01-07 10:58:28 · answer #9 · answered by Laurie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
she shouldn't do that-a friend of mine got married with about 3 weeks separation from her soon to be sis-in laws wedding, it was CHAOS for the family. She couldn't get anything out of the grooms family as far as help. It was also really crappy cuz out of town guests wouldn't come to both since they couldn't take that long off work or afford to make 2 trips....so they only came to the sis in laws. She can hold off a little, and your fiance needs to stick to his guns with her. Your being completely rationally pissed about this and rightfully so, youve waited plenty long for your special day and you don't need a bunch of folks at your wedding goin on and on about the sis's wedding. its your day, not a chance to reminis about sis-I'm afraid that will happen. BTW-it won't help her with financial aid-what about all the other married folks out there who pay full price? not really a good reason to get married anyway! good luck with it!
2007-01-07 06:00:43 · answer #10 · answered by ASH 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hey...she can get married whenever she wants. she doesnt need your permission. I think its nice of her to even ask you if thats ok. how long you have been dating and engaged has nothing to do with anything and her reasons for wanting to marry really arent your business. if you really dont want her to then say no, but dont expect her to actually listen. if your stressing about your sister-in-laws marriage the nhow are you ever going to survive your own? its seems to me like getting attention is more important to you then the actually purpose of the wedding. the only 2 things that should matter when it comes to a wedding is you and the person you are marrying.
2007-01-07 04:51:06 · answer #11 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋