I'm 20 years old and I attend the University of Michigan and I've been dating this 30 year old Psychiatrist since New Year's Eve. We've been fooling around at night, but no intercourse (just kissing/oral sex etc). The reason for this was because I was a virgin and Christian so I wanted to save myself for marriage. He knew this and said he respected that but once he got "worked up" he would keep asking me over and over and over if he could get inside of me. I kept saying that I can't do that and last night I even cried because I felt bad that I couldn't do that for him. He said it was okay. We were both naked and kissing and his *member* slipped past me there and he asked, "what if it slipped inside on accident?" I said that would still be wrong. We started kissing harder and then he slipped inside as I was saying, "i can't" and he continued to move in and out for about 30 seconds. I just laid there shocked. Is this considered rape? He is so caring, I don't have enough room to explain.
2007-01-07 01:58:53 · 56 answers · asked by Ashley230948 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yes, rape. He knew you were saving yourself, you said "I can't" even though he kept having intercourse with you, and you were shocked after the event occurred. I am a UofM grad and I know there are places/people to talk to about what happened to you. I would seriously consider talking to them about what happen so that you can get more professional advice.
2007-01-07 02:04:14 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. Smooth 5 · 3⤊ 3⤋
He's a horrible person! What he did was wrong! He 's playing head games with you and many psychs. do this! Don't let it happen to you! While it may not meet the legal definition of rape, you were violated. Although you'd have to ask the police, it could constitute date rape.
However, this is a classic case where the "victim" (sorry, hate that word) has some responsibility. You CAN NOT be naked and having oral sex without a HUGE risk of intercourse, esp. with someone who's essentially a jerk. Plus, even if you were just having oral, his penis doesn't need to be so close to your vagina that it just slips in.
I don't believe a MAN can get so "worked up" that he can't stop. Maybe that happens to BOYS but at 30, he SHOULD be more mature.
There is no way around it, he's bad for you. And if you somehow investigate, I'm almost positive you'd find other women (probably young women or students, too) who he's ALSO violated.
Are you sure he's a psychiatrist or is he a patient? He needs help.
Plus, what about pregnancy and STDs now?
Last note: sex is sex, my dear. I, too, am a Christian (born again) and know the challenges of trying to abstain. And you're not saving yourself with doing just oral; it's just another kind of sex. However, I also have succumbed, so I can not judge. You've been through enough. Email me if you like. Best, GG
2007-01-08 05:17:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can't tell you if you were raped or not, but if you're such a Christian then what are you doing having oral sex? And what are you doing with a 30 yr old? You had plenty of warning that he wanted to have sex with you and kept pushing the issue. You can't get naked and not expect it to go anywhere. If he is so caring then why is he letting it get this far? And why are you letting it get this far? He is not caring - he is using you! Why are you being so intimate with someone you met only a week ago? Go to student services and find a counselor on campus you can confide in and find some self respect.
2007-01-07 02:08:15 · answer #3 · answered by wendygirl1000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once one of you draws the line if the other crosses it without consent then yes. It's rape. Although to prove it in court would be very hard because you were both into everything else. In court if they find out that oral sex was involved by both parties then you've pretty much lost. Sorry. Sex is a tough thing. When it's going good there's lots of problems trying to put the brakes on.
2007-01-07 02:08:41 · answer #4 · answered by Me2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow this is a tough question. Typically however there has to be a physical component to legally qualify rape. In other words, he would have had to physically restrain you against your will while you also verbally told him "no".
Also, it sounds like you don't want to report him. I certainly understand that you did not want to lose your virginity and regret that this happened but reporting this as rape is not going to change the fact that it did indeed happen.
In the end, only you can decide what to do. I'm sorry that you feel violated - that's a terrible way to begin learning about sexuallity. I'm sorry.
2007-01-07 02:10:22 · answer #5 · answered by derek985 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
technically, it could be considered Rape, But you were playing with matches and you got burned. If you truly didn't want sex, you should have taken the steps to avoid getting in this position. I think you both bear the responsibility for this, but more-so you because you knew what you wanted and not only failed to protect your interests, but you seriously tempted fate and got caught. Here's a couple of other things for you to worry about, SDTs, pregnancy?? You seem to really care about this person, you better sort this issue out in your head quickly because this may be the guy that's built just for you and you could blow a beautiful relationship by dwelling to much on this.
2007-01-07 02:11:03 · answer #6 · answered by al b 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes you were raped , but you were both naked why ??? and you had oral sex why ?? did he use a condom anyway get yourself tested for HIV & STD
END IT WITH HIM NOW OR YOU WILL GET IT IN YOU AGAIN !! FOR A LONGER TIME OR WORSE...
I m not sure it's worth while reporting him to the police as you had freely commited oral sex with him and was naked by your own will
but it was rape as you had told him no many times and gave your reasons without a doubt. The best thing to do is end it now do speak to him at all ok.. If he continues to bother you tell him firmly that he raped you because you told him no and if he does'nt leave you alone you'll report him to the police..YOU MUST GET A MEDICAL TEST AND INFORM THEM WHAT HAS HAPPENED...
2007-01-07 02:21:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anthony B 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
This is a really tough call...all of the actions up to the actual penetration were mutual. But when you said no to intercourse, no means no. I think that he pressured you and you didn't stop him. This is a personal call. You will have to do some soul searching and decide what you think happened. I personally wouldn't see him anymore since he ignored your wishes and did it anyway. Hope everything works out for you.
2007-01-07 02:09:25 · answer #8 · answered by You Don't Know Me! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Rape is the crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts--doesn't matter if you were giving him some oral beforehand. If he knew ahead of time that you did not want penetration and you said "I can't" and he still did it anyway--well rape is the crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts.
Call the A2 Five-oh if you feel violated.
edit--she set her boundries and he went over the line--your dick doesn't just accidentally slip inside someone-that's rape plain and simple! You could be doing 10 different sex acts but if a lady say right in the middle of performing a sex act to stop and you don't--that's rape also.
Sheesh you people who think that was not a rape need to read all about what is and isn't rape--get a clue!!
2007-01-07 02:11:34 · answer #9 · answered by Mr_B 5 · 3⤊ 2⤋
If the act was not consented by both people involved then it is rape. If you said NO and then he continued for 30 more seconds, that was not consensual on both parts and therefore considered rape. Even though it was only 30 seconds if you said NO prior then it is, if you said you can't and then he stopped without continuing on then that is not rape.
2007-01-07 02:06:55 · answer #10 · answered by Debra M 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This will be unpopular but let me ask you this?
If you believe in waiting then why the hell was you laying naked and kissing his genital and put yourself in the position of him even being close to where he could just slip in?
Hate to say this but I believe your no I can't was really a yes do it I just don't want the responsibility of knowing I was part of it....or you would not have allowed yourself to be in the position you were in (naked and so forth).
Mark this one up as you were a part of it....because any good attorney would eat you alive on a witness stand.
Sorry but sometimes the truth hurts!
2007-01-07 02:06:48 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋