What do I do?

Question

I have Borderline Personality Disorder and get mood swings and irrational thoughts and lots more. My mum told me recently that she was upset when I didn't talk things through with her, but I've been having stupid irrational thoughts that are really getting to me for over a week now and when I asked her if she could come and give me a bit of company, she shouted at me saying I was acting like a child and was being selfish. She also said that she didn't know how to cope either. I love her to bits and I know that I do ask alot of her, but she says that she wants to be involved and gets upset when I don't turn to her but when I do, she reacts angrily with me to the point I wonder why I bothered trying to talk to her about things. What do I do? I'm getting to the point where I don't want her involved in the care of my illness, but I still need her around as a friend more than anything else!

Borderline Personality Disorder IS classed as a serious mental illness. I'm not hung up over the diagnosis, I am merely struggling to cope with some of the symptoms at the moment. What I am asking is what do I do about my mum, as I don't her getting too stressed about what is going on (she is doing all she can to learn about it and is supportive to me) and yet I need her as my mum and my friend.

PS I'm 31 and was diagnosed 3 years ago. My mum also got upset when I turned to friends first instead of her and my dad in the past.

Answer 1

Hi Neonbabe, I had a similar problem myself a few years ago when I suffered severe anxiety and panic attacks. My mum reacted in much the same way as yours, and sadly this made things worse. I hate to say it, but in the end I didn't let my mum know how I was feeling and pretended everything was ok. Instead when things were tough I spoke to my closest friend who was always happy to lend an ear. I hope you've got someone like this you can turn to.
Your mum only gets angry because she cares about you and doesn't know what to do. Her anger is just a product of her fear over your well being. Don't feel that leaving her out of caring for your illness is a bad thing, that's why we have counsellors and psychiatrists.

I really hope this helps and that things get better for you.

Answer 2

Sounds to me you are too obsessed with your diagnosis. You are blaming too much on your diagnosis and being a victim of it. I could give you a list of things I've been diagnosed in the past, but those dx's mean nothing to me and I am living a normal life...college degree, a good job, and the normal things in life. Look beyond the diagnosis and take a small step into "new territory" every day. You will see that you can overcome the irrational thoughts and make it through the mood swings. I'm not minimizing the struggle you are going through right now, but want you to know there's more to life than being a victim of a diagnosis. As far as your mom, have you told her the conflict you see between her words and actions? Be straight up with her about it and tell her how you feel. From how you've talked about her I bet you two can get it worked out. But there are times when things don't work out and you have to find other avenues for support. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

STOP LEARNING ABOUT BPD !!! IT IS NOT REAL!

They will tell you that your thoughts are irrational. HOW DO THEY KNOW ???

So what if you want company. That is fine. It is okay to turn to friends first.

Lots of people believe that they are in touch with Jesus. Just about everyone who goes to church believes they have a personal relationship with Jesus. Does this mean they really have schizophrenia or BPD?
EVERYONE has mood swings. Everyone has irrational thoughts. Just about every thought a person has is irrational.
We are human.

BPD is COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!!!!

Your thoughts are your own. Don't let anyone decide that they are "not right" for you.

It sounds like your mother is jumping right on the bandwagon.

The doctors looked at your personality and said that they didn't like it. Don't be fooled by them. Cut out anyone in your life who thinks you have a disorder. ANYONE can be diagnosed with ANYTHING! It doesn't mean the doctors are right. 90% of the time doctors are wrong. Why didn't they diagnose your mom with BPD? I was once in a hospital and a girl jumped into my bed so the doctors diagnosed me with BPD. I could have believed them and my life would be very different now. I was once looking at a weightlifting magazine and they diagnosed me with body dismorphic disorder. WHAT? It's complete BS!

Stop thinking that your thoughts are irrational. You are giving yourself this made up illness. Psychiatry is a BUSINESS!

YOU ARE NORMAL! Please stop believing the lies and propaganda that is put out by the drug companies and their employees.... psychiatrists.

http://antipsychiatry.org

http://antipsychiatry.org/psychoth.htm

http://www.amazon.com/Your-Drug-May-Problem-Psychiatric/dp/0738201847

All psychiatric medecine is EXTREMELY TOXIC!

Don't let the rest of your life be centered around some PHONY illness. Forget it. Throw away the meds.... get on with your life without being controlled by your mother and psychiatrists.

PLEASE.... I don't mean to be a jerk. PLEASE BELIEVE ME... BPD IS NOT REAL. Your mother will never realize this.... but at least you can.
How can a doctor tell? BPD is an irrational thought that some psychiatrist had. It's MADE UP! NOT REAL!
If you want to educate yourself get the medical textbooks.
You will discover that it is ALL a crock of Sh1t.

Answer 4

I think you should see a professional, and DON"T WAIT TOO LONG.You must think of yourself now and get that help and also explain this to the therapist about your mom. Let her know you are going to seek professional help in this matter.

Ask her what she would recommend you do to make it easy on the both of you. Does she want to be kept informed of your progress with the professional or would she rather you not bother her with it. Tell her you love her, but do not want to burden her either, what is it that she would like you to do. Maybe once she sees that you are seeking a professional help, she will be able to cope better. She probably feels helpless in helping you, but does not want to admit it. Ask her if she would go with you to see the mental health professional. It could be a psychologist or a psychiatrist. I think once you show her that you want to cope with this situation maybe you both could cope better. But no matter what you MUST seek professional help, before these thoughts you have worsen.

Also you might not have a mental problem at all, get your thyroid checked, it might be the cause of your problem too. If not then go to a mental health professional.

God Bless and Good Luck

Answer 5

Sounds like your mum can't cope. Do you have another adult or family member you trust or could turn to for support? If not, ask your GP or other health professional where you can get more support. I'm sure if you ask you will find some help out there. Perhaps there is a group or counselling service you and your mum could attend together. Good luck!

Answer 6

You are no more sane or insane then anyone else you know. You are a young person going through changes and life. Don't worry so much. Borderline personality disorder is a now sort of term that really means very little. It is like saying that someone emerging from a bath is borderline wet.
If you wait for quiet times or until your mother comes to you, you will be more likely to talk things out.

Answer 7

It's understandable that you want your mother to be there for you, but the reality is, because someone is our mother doesn't mean they have the ability to cope with problems or solve them anymore so than anyone else.

Your mother is telling you that she loves you, but the responsibility for getting well is up to you.

My advice to you is to seek professional help. Not only will someone who has had extensive schooling and training in this area be prepared to help you better than someone who hasn't had that training, but it will help you to have a better relationship with your mother as it will take the pressure of your illness out of the equation between you two.

Answer 8

tell her what you feel tell her "she says that she wants to be involved and gets upset when I don't turn to her but when I do, she reacts angrily with me to the point I wonder why I bothered trying to talk to her about things." I think she'll understand.

Answer 9

sounds like mum has personality disorder too. Look up Bach Flower Essence on line it's natural there are 32 essence, for character and personality issues. BOTH of you try it, it really works, it is subtle but you will feel the difference and it isn't expensive.

Answer 10

you need to talk to as many people as you can,this will help you and them understand your feelings .your mum and family are the closest so speak to them this will not help matters but in the long term it will educate them in the ffield of your condition