Suggestions please and quickly?

Question

Ok I got a situation here. I'm 22yrs old and a Christian that has a forgiving heart. I live with my parents for now and I go to college.

I haven't been going to this one church my mom goes to. She hates it and threatens to cut me off financially and transportation wise.

I would go to other churches (Christian ones) but not this one.

WHY? Because A year ago in August through the spring of 2006, the people there conned me, back stabbed me and did not support me at all since I was a rape victim.(Don't worry I received counseling and he's in jail and healed from it.)

I decided not to go to that specific church anymore. Yeah I forgive them but I just don't want to go anymore, I feel my rep is ruined and not very comfortable.

Does my mom have the right to act this way? She doesn't know the real reasons why I don't want to go.

She calls me mentally ill just because I don't want to go to that church and that's the wrong behavior to take.

Suggestions please and fast?

Answer 1

For the most part I agree with everyone who said stand up on your own two feet and do what you feel is best, i.e. refuse to go to that church. But there's a part of me that thinks, well, maybe you should go to services there, if for no other reason than your own self respect. You wrote "I feel my rep is ruined and not very comfortable." In a way, by avoiding that church, you're letting the people who hurt you continue to influence your life.

You did nothing wrong. If they look down on you for any reason, honey, that's THEIR problem, not yours. In your position I would probably go to that church, stand tall and proud, ignoring all the people who simply aren't worth my trouble to care about. Who cares what they think of you? Maybe you should go for yourself, for your own sense of peace and self respect.

In the end, the decision is yours. But don't let anybody's judgment of you matter more than your opinion of yourself. Never let anyone intimidate you into feeling bad about yourself.

Answer 2

No, you are not wrong. Your mother has been through a lot though over the rape. She is trying very, very hard to help you through your devastating experience and thinks her church is the answer. Therefore, when you reject her help, she takes it personally and is lashing out in an attempt to control you. First, tell her openly that since so many people know your situation at her church, you are no longer comfortable attending. Second, if she does not respect or understand, get someone else involved; perhaps your doctor or social worker, or counselor. Work it through with your mom if you can. She may need more counseling than you do. You seem very mature in how you have handled yourself to this point and I congratulate you.

Answer 3

You're 20, right? Then don't let your mom tell you what to do. You have the right to decide to do whatever you feel like doing and nobody has the right to interfere or judge you. Next time your mom threatens you aske her what kind of Christian is she??? Isn't tolerance one of the pillars of Christianity??? As a Christian she should be happy knowing that her daughter is Christian and willing to go to church; behaving as she's doing know she may end up pushing you away from Christianity, didn't she think about that??? Make her think about it; if necessary then, explain your reasons to her.

Answer 4

First of all your mom should be aware of your reasons that might make her a little more supportive. As for the if they can walk the way God says the can forgive and forget. People a lot of times can't leave dead thing dead and have to bring those things up and in that case you would be better off finding a new place to go.

Answer 5

Does she have the right to act that way?

What a disgusting human being your mother is - no offense but fundamentalist religion seems to be a hiding place for the most despicable hypocrisy the world has ever seen. It doesnt sound like the church knows anything about Jesus.

If you really need her support then maybe you have to jump through her hoops but I recommend you try something else. A church that teaches real christianity, eg love and forgiveness.

I'm an atheist by the way but I know more about Jesus' message than a lot of Christians seem to.

Answer 6

You are 22 so therefore your mother does not have the legal right to "force" you to do anything. She does, however have the right to cut you off financially and transportation wise. No one should force another persons heart about their walk with God. It is a very individual experience. Try talking to your mother about your individual walk with God, and ask her to support you in your religious choices. If she absolutely refuses to do so, you need to decide if her financial support is more important than your freedom. Can you work and go to College? Would you be homeless? How important is your religious walk to you compared to what you will lose? These are some of the questions that you will need to ask yourself, and act upon eventually.

Answer 7

I am so sorry you had to go through that--- the rape and the backstabbing--- your mother is being unfair, and needs to remember it is Your choice to even attend a church-- it would be helpful if you could tell your mother Why you do not want to go though- as we do not read minds and find it difficult to understand where our children get their ideas from at times-- but no matter what- just remember- Jesus loves you even if you do not attend any church- but you need to be in the Word "Bible" and that helps us as people to have a relationship with Him- Not everyone who calls on the name of Jesus will get into heaven- for some He never knew..... let Him know you- and remember to show your parents respect even when they do not deserve it- by doing this you make Jesus happy and that is all that matters!!!!!

Answer 8

You should be honest with your Mother why you don't want to go. If you are truly healed from it you should have no problem opening up to her. You may be surprised she might even shun the church for their reaction also.
My situation was quite different, but I refuse to go to a church after they made me feel disgusting for nursing my baby during mass. It wasn't like I just whipped it out I was very discreet about it.

Answer 9

Follow your heart and your internal conviction. Your mom is human and as such can be narrow in her view of what is good and bad for you. Same for the church. I have attended churches that at first appeared to be strong but when really needed they "hid". Some on here will tell you that is how Christians are...that is false to.....churches have their weaknesses also....find one that fits your believes and supports you...I did and it took many tries to find it.

Answer 10

ok, this is tuff. the first thing u need to do (if u haven't already) is pray. ask God to take away the hurt that you might be feeling. pray for your mother. tell her that you just can not feel loved there and that these people have hurt you very badly. then proceed to tell her how. tell her that the way that she has been acting is not the way that God approves of. then after you have told her how you feel, if she still threatens you, give her a hug, tell her that if that's the way it must be then so be it. pack your bags, give her one more hug goodbye and leave. then, forgive her. trust God that no matter what, He will come through for your. after all, he is Jehova Jireh,our provider.