I'm looking after a little girl, who mother is deployed with the Army. She is an angry little girl with a bad attitude toward authority. She has little trust and little respect. She whines about everything, and wants constant attention. I wish I could help her feel more positive about life.
2007-01-07 01:31:17 · 12 answers · asked by StrongMom 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
A lot of people have a bad attitude toward any authority executed over them.But there is something you can do.The book "Positive Discipline for Preschooler" by Jane Nelsen will help you a lot.That book changed my life and the children's life.Try it - you have nothing to lose;)
2007-01-07 01:55:11 · answer #1 · answered by Livia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the whiny thing is common for this age and certainly having a parent who is not around would cause issues in any kid.
As far as the whining, I would just say "you need to lower your tone or I don't hear you" or repeat what she says in a lower tone so she can hear the way it should sound. Don't be angry and don't make a big deal out of it, but make sure she learns that the high pitched whining doesn't get her what she wants.
She has a bad attitude because that is what she has been taught (not by you, but by someone). If you remain a positive influence you will make a difference in her life.
2007-01-07 01:35:22 · answer #2 · answered by harrisnish 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, I'd say to realize that this poor little girl really does have a lot on her mind for somebody so young. Cut her a little slack.
Generally speaking, modification of human behavior boils down to two basic concepts:
1. Reward behaviors you want to encourage.
2. Do not reward behaviors you want to discourage.
In this case, this child needs attention and affection. You've got to make it clear that whining will not help her get her way. Simply ignore this behavior because even negative attention is still attention.
However, make a point of rewarding good behavior. Catch children "being good" and praise them for it. When she's doing something good, give her your attention and encouragement.
If she's whining, you might wish to take a minute to ask what's bothering her. Listen to her. Then, attempt to redirect her to another task.
Good luck and remember she has a big burden for a little kid. A few extra hugs would probably be in order.
2007-01-07 01:38:09 · answer #3 · answered by DredPir8Roberts 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since the poor poor child has every reason to be angry and every reason to not trust and every reason to have little respect for the life the irresponsible grownups have created for her - from a mom irresponsible enough to be in a job where she would have to abandon her child to a world where we are killing people to enrich george bush - i think you can help her by 1)giving her attention which she has been robbed of through no fault of her own and 2) by acknowledging that she is right in her opinions about not trusting and not respecting and 3)reflect back to her what she's whining about so she experiences being heard.
It is heartbreaking to think about her life. She has been utterly failed by the grownups in her life. You can help her to trust by being different, by validating her feelings instead of forcing her to pretend that mommy is noble or doing her best or that the war is worth fighting or any of the garbage that has given this poor dear such a rotten life.
2007-01-08 12:51:54 · answer #4 · answered by cassandra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Consistency is critical. Do not validate the unwanted behavior but instead try to redirect to something positive. Help her develop some outlets for her frustrations that allow her to express herself in a constructive way. These problems likely started before deployment and will continue until she gets a more structured and secure life.
I have a niece who is the same age and going through the same things. Some of it is the age of the girl but a big part of it is their parent's chaotic life. To her, everything is fluid and debatable so everything is debated. She has learned that she can change her parents behavior with her behavior.
I teach middle school in an inner city. A majority of my students come to me with similar behavior (yes at age 12-14!) that never got corrected. Some wind up in very serious trouble because of it. Once they get into a structured environment they themselves are much more happy.
2007-01-07 01:40:55 · answer #5 · answered by bill h 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Speak with her in a normal voice when she is whining and let her know that when her voice sounds like yours you'd be happy to help her with what it is she wants.
I really like the book Parenting with Love and Logic because it focuses on how to logically confront problems while providing a lot of love and support.
Regarding authority, you can let her know no one can make her do anything she doesn't want to do - just let her know what YOU are going to do (this is Love and Logic).
For example, "As soon as you're done picking up, we can have snack." If she doesn't pick up, no snack. But it's up to her.
2007-01-07 08:34:46 · answer #6 · answered by Shrieking Panda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to ignore the whine-y voice, say that you can't hear it, and that you can only hear 'big-girl voices'.
But understand where she is coming from, she has been handed from mom to baby-sitter and back again, and she's probably a bit befuddled by it all.
Be positive with her and praise every behaviour that you like from her- ignore the things you don't like :)
2007-01-07 03:07:43 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Pamela♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that you both are going through this.
One book I can recommend it "The Disipline Book" by Dr. William Sears. I have an anxious 5 year old, and she really seems to respond to the guidelines of this book.
2007-01-07 02:06:38 · answer #8 · answered by Becca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This little girl has alot to whine about,she is sad,lonley and doesnt understand truely.She needs lots of love from you,and interaction from her mom,,maybe try getting her to write letters,stories to her mom.take pictures and put them in a album to send her mom,its all about her mom,she misses her so much.so the more talk about her mom will make her more assured that she is coming home and that she does love her.I really hope this helps.you can contact me for more ideas.Thanks Steve
2007-01-07 01:39:44 · answer #9 · answered by guitpicker777 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well...take her out shopping BUT do NOT let her make so much noise. Get her to notice whats around her and not only to care about herself. Get her to get her mind off things that shes whining about. Just basically do some thing like " Think of the positive things around you".
2007-01-07 01:35:28 · answer #10 · answered by jas l 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋