Ok, well the first question I asked didn't and wasnt what I ment to make it seem like, ok, sorry let's do this agian. I'm 18 and I graduated already I live in Las Vegas, and when I was young, I was sexually molested, and then well I grew up and this is who I came to be now, well I once dated a guy who was 20 at the time I was with him for a while and we were just eff buddies, and I dont know after some stupid drama it was over after that like that! I noticed that I diserved better and havent been with anyone since and well it's been about one year and eight months since I've dated or kissed anyone to be honest. I've never been on a date either, nor have I ever recieved a Valintine's gift, I know I'm beautiful and I have NO idea on why I posted that lame question, but my question is does my past have something to do with me being single now? Kind of long sorry :-[
Another thing is that I'm also mean to men sometimes, and I think i blame them for my past, but I changed that kind of.
2007-01-06 21:33:02 · 15 answers · asked by natali3x3 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Your past doesn't have anything to do with you being single, there are a lot of things that have happened to you from your past that are affecting your ability to find a mate. Yes, sexual molestation is definitely something that will cause you to feel insecure about your relationships with men. How was your relationship with your parents? Think about how they treated you and how they treated eachother, whether your parents were together or not, the way each treated you growing up has a lot to do with how you choose your men. You may be willing to be eff buddies with someone because you are feeling like it is better to have something rather than nothing. That means that you are empty inside and you are using other people to fill this emptiness. Its good that you recognize a problem and you want to change it. I want to suggest you read two books: The Dating Cure and The Commitment Cure by Rhonda Findling. These two books can really give you a starting point as to what you should be doing to change your behavior pattern and she is a professional in her field. The book gives you a lot of writing exercises and it helps build you up and make you more confident about the decisions that you do make.
2007-01-06 21:56:37 · answer #1 · answered by Kay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah it does. u are not over what happened to u and it clearly has manifested into who u are today. i was a victim of sexual assault and believe me u cant move on in life or have a healthy relationship with men unless u forgive the man that hurt u. i think u should go to counseling or talk to a close friend. in order for u to be ok u have to forgive him and then forgive yourself for letting him run ur life even though he isn't in it anymore. i was watching a movie and one of the lines from the movies was something like never give someone power they didn't ask for b/c when u do they run ur life w/o them even knowing it. i know this is long but i hope it helps and just to let ya know i haven't dated anyone for 5 years b/c well i am a virgin and plan to stay that way until marriage and men don't get that so hence me being single.
2007-01-06 21:43:42 · answer #2 · answered by blueygirly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your past is always going to be part of who you are. Children who were molested at 2 or3 still carry the scars long into adulthood. Many women feel resentment towards men their whole lives. Many men as well.
I can't give you an answer because I'm not a doctor and I was'nt
molested but I can tell you that there is always hope.
2007-01-06 21:48:25 · answer #3 · answered by Johnny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is obvious that there are some demons that you need to discuss with a support group, and or, therapist.
You know I heard once women have been victims of child molestation they tend to act the way that the man wanted them to act when they were children. This is not healthy. You are still letting the molester have control of your soul, and this negative demeanor will reflect in your personal affairs.
Maybe you need to be honest with the next man that you are dating, and let him know of your past, and your fears. This is a way that the men in your life can learn how to handle your past violent experiences.
It is never healthy to carry excess baggage. It will kill you on the inside, and you will start to drive all involved parties out of your life. I would tell the next man about your past, and seek help. You need to release all of the negative baggage from your life, and get a fresh, healthy start.
It is not the current men in your life that have hurt you, or your self esteem. It is the past demons. Even if you know that you are a beautiful girl. You need someone to talk too to release the built up anger.
2007-01-06 21:41:13 · answer #4 · answered by Meko 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Our pasts have a direct relationship with our present and future. I too was sexually molested as a very young child (about three years old), and I still have certain areas in relationships that I'm not completely happy with. I've gone to therapists and psychologists, but I just can't get over the hump. I'm a lot better now than I was before (I'm now 26), but I still have plenty of room for improvement.
My advice is to try talking to someone about it. It might not be the most comfortable thing in the world to do, but it does help. Other than that, just continue to better yourself, and realize that you're better than that and you deserve better.
2007-01-06 21:39:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I believe if somethings happens traumatically in your childhood then I think it will affect u forever. Being physically abuse at a young age will stunt your emotional growth. I myself was beaten at a early age and my earliest childhood memories are of just being beaten to death for stupid things..so its crazy as an adult...it feels fresh like it happened yesterday. So unfortunately for u being molested at an early age has cloud your judgement in relationships. Its not easy to get over it and forget the past.......but u have to learn from it and understand the circumstances of what happened to you.......I can understand why you are mean to men....its hard to trust someone who might not be sincere.........and there are alot of men out there that are not sincere and u are just putting your guard up becuz of the fear of being hurt or betrayed of a man. I do hope that u can find peace and be able to move on.......i know its hard.....hey i feel it too.
2007-01-06 22:08:07 · answer #6 · answered by John D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try dating some guys a little older than you, say 10 years. You're going to need support with your past problems and younger guys are(as a rule) much too impatient to take the time and put up with your clinginess...good luck, kid!
2007-01-06 21:40:50 · answer #7 · answered by wetdreamdiver 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nope, ur past has nothign to do with you being single. But i dot hink u went too quick with ur decision and dated someone liek that. ur yound and you should feel the love and passion a guy should give to a girl. matter of a fact that should love you more and and provide you with a better realtion ship.
here is my number, you may call and we can talk. i would liek to know more about you. u sem in teresting.
617-331-5356 the name is Thomas
2007-01-06 21:38:31 · answer #8 · answered by Thomas Le 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What'sthe question? If you should get back with your boyfriend? The easy answer is no. Go do something you enjoy. Travel.Find life.Discover yourself. That way when this type of question comes up again you will have a much easier time answering it. Good luck.
2007-01-06 21:37:16 · answer #9 · answered by KM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes your past has something to dow ith it, Your really scared of men and are afraid to take a chance as due to being hurt again, Its natural for you to feel that way. its takes a special man to bring down the walls and also takes a strong woman to allow herself to be vulnarable again and allow someone in to help and love and care for them. take it slow and good luck.
2007-01-07 00:30:40 · answer #10 · answered by P_a94 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋