I met this lovely man and from the start, it seemed like I was always the one pursuing sex and romance. When we would get excited, he would back down. He always stopped when it started heating up. Huh? I am passionate about learning new tricks and feel I am an incredible lover. I did all my best moves most men would drool over. But he kept losing his erection.
We fell in love, I moved in, and shortly after he stopped wanting sex completely. It's now been 3 months without hardly a kiss, except friendly pecks. He says he is anxious about lack of money, is exhausted and has no sex drive. He is 50, I am 43. I know for sure he is not fooling around, not gay. There are medical/emotional reasons this is happening. He has not given one ounce of concern about my needs. He doesn't even want massages or cuddling but he is sweet and tells me he loves me constantly and always wants to be with me.
I do love him, but I don't know what to do about being in a relationship w/o sex or intimacy. Pls help.
2007-01-06 20:53:13 · 9 answers · asked by Kailen J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
When I hinted at my unhappiness to some family members, they told me I was crazy if I left because he was such a sweet, good man. Something about my age, being overweight and I should thank my lucky stars someone loves me. I know it is my life, but it only adds to my fears about being alone. But also adds to my desire to make this relationship work. He told me he never has been all that interested in sex. I find that odd! Because of his problem, I now find myself feeling unattractive and hurt that he only cares that he doesn't feel like it, and nothing about what I would like. This feels like rejection of me as a woman. How patient I am supposed to be? This is not what I wanted in a relationhip, especially a brand new "romance". The longer it goes, the harder it is to feel we have a chance at becoming intimate. I've been patient and kind and concerned about why this is happening. But how long do I wait? When is it about committment or about taking care of myself and being happy?
2007-01-06 21:08:18 · update #1
I do not demand anything! We never talk about it. It's not about sex so much as what is really going on. No..I have been extremely kind and loving about it. I haven't even tried to be intimate the past 2 months.
2007-01-06 21:11:10 · update #2
I can tell you right now that sounds like a man who is experiencing his mid life crisis! What he is telling you is the truth and you must believe it. Help him through this crisis and he will eventually come around when it boils over. His mid life crisis can be compared to menopause in women.....believe it or not! This is just a time that is not good for him and he is probably hoping that you understand that. There may be a great deal of things that could be going wrong with him and men are not willing to share every detail because it makes them vulnerable. Don't try to squeeze this info out of him, just let him know you are there for him when he needs you. If you really feel like sex is the most important part of the relationship, then weigh your options and make the decision you feel is best for you. I suggest you figure out other ways he can please you, or you can please yourself. See if he may be willing to do other things, I'm sure you haven't pulled out all the stops! There are so many sexual options out there, that I'm sure you can maintain your current relationship and be sexually satisfied. I'm sure there are a lot of things he would be willing to do to you that would probably get his engine running! Most importantly, don't press the issue right now because if he says he is going through something, then he is.
2007-01-06 21:36:06 · answer #1 · answered by Kay 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, don't listen to the people who tell you to find a new boyfriend. It's very normal for stress to cause a lack in sex drive. But I also think you guys should connsider Viagra, Cialis, or some other similar medication. He also may be low on testosterone - has he had his levels checked? Is he taking any medications that have sexual side-effects? Maybe he is depressed - that can also cause a low sex drive. There are many possibilities as to what the culprit may be. Have you talked to him about how you feel? I know feeling rejected sucks, so try to at least get him to go get a check up at the doctor's and make sure everything is okay. Then he could always slide in the questions/comments about his sexual problems. Good luck!
2007-01-06 21:09:52 · answer #2 · answered by severina418 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest couples counseling. This sounds like it could become a big problem and even bring the relationship to an end if it is not dealt with. So, I would suggest talking to a counselor and figuring out if there is some way to compromise so that both of your needs are met.
2007-01-06 20:58:42 · answer #3 · answered by wicked 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you need to turn down the gas. Then when the time is right talk softly about the issue.
See if there is any way round this. Perhaps try viagra or something similar. If all else fails you have to choose the man you love or beautiful sex.
2007-01-06 21:02:02 · answer #4 · answered by jewelking_2000 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Viagra. You do need to learn to not demand that he have sex every single time you want it, but he needs to give it to you sometimes. Talk to a doctor.
2007-01-06 20:56:51 · answer #5 · answered by gobi_manchurian_07 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you answered your own question... he cant keep an erection and has no intrest in sex because of the stress caused by both of your everyday life "fear from the lack of money ect ect"
its stress... stress is a major cause and problem of the lack of sex.
2007-01-06 20:57:16 · answer #6 · answered by Kittie_Nash 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
r u sure he aint gay a guy who doesnt wan sex is probly gay
2007-01-06 20:56:31 · answer #7 · answered by fuzzle master 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
find a new bf
2007-01-06 21:02:27 · answer #8 · answered by ytrewq 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
LEAVE him GO WITH someone WHO does
2007-01-06 20:56:23 · answer #9 · answered by COlder THaN AlaSka 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋