What is the deal?

Question

Okay I'm about to ramble so get ready...

My problem, what is it? I'm not sure. I think I have more than one but i'll tell you all the symptoms now.

I feel it's extremly neccesairy to be happy at all times...for myself? No. So that I don't get others sad. I feel like its my job to keep people happy. Well...at times. At others I think it should be all about me getting attention and pity and being depressed. At those timees I feel the world has to be about me.

The thing is I feel as if it's 2 of me. I...I doubt im have some split personality disorder but I just feel...maybe? Like whenI look at things I wrote...emails notes ect sometimes I tell myself "you didnt write that...it wasnt you". Now obviously I know it was but...I just don't remember it and I feel I wouldnt have wrote it like that.

Now not remembering it is another problem...I have terrible memory...not like occasional "Where did I put my keys" but like I can almost never remember where most of my stuff is what I didi with is ect but I feel thats because im always daydreaming. I always feel out of it not realising the world. Thats what I blame short term memory on. But my long term memory is terrible also. Well...chosen memories.

I can remember a bunch of times I cried at school...I can remember feeling guilty after being a jerk and saying something stupid in class. But I can't remember my first best friend or anything happy. If I can I have to try reaaaaaaaly hard and most of the time im pretty sure I "remember" them because we got them on tape and watched them recently. And when I remember stuff its from a thrid person view...is that normal? I'm not too sure. I doubt my sanity all the time then reasure myself but I dont know...

I'm very strange when it comes to social situations...I can sing in front of 100's of people and not be shy at all but when it comes to asking a teacher for a homework I lost it terrifies me. I hate school do to this. I am very unorganised and the daydreaming doesnt help. It's not that im afraid of the people themselves its just if I say something stupid and they give me that look...that "You're kidding right?" look it just burn a hole in me ...it shatters me to peices...I know its stupid but it does.

So I hang around with alot of girls but barely any guys...yet i've only had one girlfriend my whole life...I dunno...I feel lonely because of that though...I feel like I need someone to love me but I think thats the "wants attention" side...

Well if you survived that...tell me...what do you think is wrong? What should I do...what?

P.S. I am a very confused 15 year old boy

Answer 1

Hi there

It just sounds like you're giving things a lot of thought. Sometimes, we can give things too much thought. Live in the moment and try and be in a state of just 'being'. By that I mean not thinking about things too much and not dwelling too much on things. Be you and follow your heart.

It's nice to be happy for other people, but you have to think about yourself as well which is perfectly ok and not selfish at all. We all want to be loved.

You sound like you focus on the more negative things such as remembering something silly you've said. Focus on the positive things as well. Don't feel guilty. We all say things we regret, trust me! The most important thing is recognising when we've said or done something we don't like because we can the learn from it and not do it again. So don't worry.

As regards social situations, I had a friend who could sing in front of large audiences but wouldn't sing in front of one person! This is normal. If you got a bit more organised, you might not mind approaching the teacher as much. Maybe you feel a bit worried about what they might say about organisation. Sometimes, when we say something, we think people are thinking things about us but, in reality, they're probably not thinking what you think. Don't worry in any case because we all have different opinions and what makes other people right and you wrong?

In time, you'll find the right person for you. These things take time. Just allow things to happen in their own natural time.

You should 'ground' yourself. By this I mean becoming aware of things around you, knowing you are part of this world. Daydreaming is fine, but we can't do it all the time so when you feel yourself daydreaming, just focus on the things around you. Feel your feet on the floor. Literally, feel your feet against the hard floor (with your shoes on when in public!), focus on the schoolwork when you're in class. Listen to some music, help with the house work! Pursue an interest, a hobby. Just do something that will help you focus on the reality of this world.

If you're feeling confused, how about going to see a doctor who can offer you the opportunity to talk to someone, just to talk things through. This will just help you get things off your chest. You're not insane, but sometimes it helps just to have a chat about things. Also, talk to your parents about how you feel. Talk to a friend or someone you feel you can talk to.

Answer 2

Some of your symptoms I believe are serious. See a Psycholigist and just talk it out with him/her. Many things you have described don't sound abnormal at all. Reading the text you typed leads me to believe you most likely have some unresolved events in your life, and they probably got started in your family of origin. Hope this might help. 15 is a tough year. You're a sensative guy. By the way, my personal view on part of your problem is when you NEED someone to help make you happy, ya need to find a way to be happy with yourself first. I've been through that needing stuff too, but at your age I certainly understand that. I felt the same when I was your age.

Answer 3

I think you do sound confused!!!! I have never known a 15 yr. old who wasn't, a lot of your stuff sounds normal but some of it is bothersome to me, like the short term memory aspect and the extreme difficulty concentrating...have you ever spoken to a doc. about this?...
I know it sounds cold, but I think you need to go talk to someone who is a professional that can help you work this through...look up ADD on the net and see if the symptoms sound like some you have...www.webmd.com I think it is, if not just hit add and yo can find a list of symptoms...try to relax a bit...good luck to ya.

Answer 4

Doesn't sound all that strange. In Psychology there's names for all that stuff,but most of it's normal. You could try to talk to somebody like a professional, but again you don't sound that strange to me. 15 can be a hard age.Things do get easier,but expect it to take a few more years. Relax and enjoy being young.

Answer 5

psssh no deal i want my £10,000 howdy do you think of there particularly is a banker on deal or no deal? or is noel merely speaking on the telephone to himself? or something stupid like that