Whole earth lover -
Forget about your foolish pride,
I'm on your side,
Open up your heart and show me what's inside,
Now I'm lookin for a certain kind of love,
The kind that likes to leap without a shove,
I'm gonna let my heart lead me around this show,
Gonna let my conscience be my guide,
But only so far can it lead me,
You gotta take me to the other side,
And when we make the cross to that line that we know we cant erase,
I just hope you can open your heart and hope for feeling,
Cause theres so much more behind the way my hearts beatin,
Maybe I'm just dreaming, just imagining,
That we're in world where when we cross our hearts we mean it,
And there are no I love you lies.
I've been writing for some time now and I'm just wondering what you all think of my "poem" I hope you enjoy it.
Please give me your feedback on it...
Ashley~
2007-01-06 19:08:21 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks,I was just making sure it was getting the message across,sometimes I will know what my poems mean but others won't have a clue..
Ashley~
2007-01-06 19:18:49 · update #1
I'll be completely honest. I like what it means, but don't necessarily like the way it's put together. It sounds more like a pop song than a poem. To me a poem needs to be something that captures your imagination or truly moves you. I can understand what you're describing and you make a good point, but I can't picture myself in your shoes, can't feel what you feel, which is exactly what I think a poem should do. Be more specific, describe in detail how does it feel to be so hopeful, how hard it is to try to take that step to trust into another human being, how blissful it is to finally find someone you can truly be open with. Describe that to me, make me feel like I'm right there with you, and you'll have yourself a terrific poem. Or at least that's the way I look at this.
Again, great thoughts, great idea, just focus more on feelings than actions and be very descriptive so I can feel what you feel.
If you want to continue this conversation, feel free to e-mai me.
Take care.
P.S. I really liked this line though. "The kind that likes to leap without a shove" Very well put!
2007-01-06 19:18:40 · answer #1 · answered by yishor 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your first few lines started out really smooth. But then starting with......
Gonna let my conscience be my guide,
But only so far can it lead me,
You gotta take me to the other side,
You totally lost me and I did not know where I was by the time I reached the end.
Please consider revising, so it continues to flow.
2007-01-06 19:13:45 · answer #2 · answered by Tired of being Mr. Nice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is a nice poem it just touched my heart within and i hope a lot of people are gonna hear it try and spread it to as many people as you can
2007-01-06 19:14:42 · answer #3 · answered by ZIMBOWORA 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that it is good but be careful putting it on the internet because someone can steal it and say that they made it. keep writing poems -from a poet writer
2007-01-06 19:16:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
very nice, it sound's like it comes from the heart..
2007-01-06 19:11:13 · answer #5 · answered by browneyedonna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that was very good maybe me and you should team up and publish a book or something
2007-01-06 19:18:51 · answer #6 · answered by stacy p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a very good poem. keep writing
2007-01-06 19:12:20 · answer #7 · answered by milksgirl2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow im impressed A+
2007-01-06 19:10:55 · answer #8 · answered by The Con 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ZzzzZZZzzz
2007-01-06 19:10:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was a nice poem.....
....
I don't see how you need advice on this though.....
oh well, whatever. I have no life. ^^
-hitzusen
2007-01-06 19:11:53 · answer #10 · answered by hitzusen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋