Is it always about sex?

Question

I've wondered this for a long time. I mean I know this sounds strange from a guy, but I'm not fond of sex. I mean I've had to end a relationship because she wanted to have sex occasionally and I just wanted to talk. I think the art of conversation is lost. I mean, maybe once in a while, at most, but occassionally? Come on! What happened to enjoying each other's company? Plus, some ppl don't like my idea of sex. Mine is: 3 condoms, her birth control pill and morning after pill. Plus I wouldn't have sex within the first 6 - 12 months of the relationship.

Answer 1

No, it's not always about sex, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't like having sex. That's just weird dude. Have you ever considered that maybe you just don't want to have sex with girls? I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything here. It's just not really normal for a guy to not want to have sex.

Answer 2

Wow~very extreme, indeed. However, I see your point with the first part of your paragraph. Conversation is lost a lot of times and really needs to be recaptured in relationships of all types, not just love relationships.
However, let me just say this: You don't need to wear 3 condoms. That's a bit extreme. What about wearing 2 or 4? Why is 3 the number of choice? Also, what happened to taking a stroll down to your local free clinic together so that you both may be tested for STDs/HIV? Sure, why would you need to engage in sex on the first, secon, third, or even the fourth date? BUT...dude! The morning after pill? Do you have any idea how the girl suffers with the morning after pill? I took one and it was hell. Lots of vomitting and diarrhea.
Your way sounds pretty extreme, sorry to have to break that to you, but let me make a few suggestions:
1)go to the free clinic, like the above mentioned...
2)wait until you're both comfortable equally as you both need to make these decisions together rather than having it end up being an all or nothing one-sided decision~very bad.
3)once you do engage in (in your case: the inevitable), wear a reputable brand condom and have fun with it by choosing different colors and such.
4)some birth control pills have nasty side effects and can be harmful. I say if she has to take the Pill, then you do too, I hear there's one that just came out for men, you should look into it as you BOTH will be sharing something special together.
5)for the love of God, do not encourage her to take the morning after pill. This is for those who've engaged in unconsentual sex, or had sex during the middle of their menstrual cycle and have a good chance of getting pregnant.
6)you both could time your sexual encounters so that it doesn't fall on the ovulation time of the month, while you're wearing that colorful condom!!!
Good luck and I hope this helps...

Answer 3

A healthy relationship is always going to be based on friendship and emotional security. Sex will definately enhance both (but should only happen when married, I believe). I would say for most guys that sex is a huge part of a relationship. Just because you don't feel that way doesn't mean there is a problem. I know a few married couples that have a functional relationship where the female wants sex more often than the male.

I was once told, "When your sex life is i good, it's only 10% of the relationship, but when it's bad, it's about 90% of your problem)

Answer 4

Did you talk to her about this? Its rather surprise to know that.. finally there is a man who is using the brain to think rather the 2nd brother to think. ops~ sorry abt it. If she is the one who always wants to have sex most of the time, there are many reasons..is either she is either really hyper-active or she just wants to have sex partner or some others factor. If a relationship is not stable or confirmed, it is not wise to have sex. Just like what you had set in mind that you will not want to have sex within the first 6-12mths of relationship. Maybe she is not the right girl for you.... perhaps you may want to move on. She maybe thinking you are dumping her cos' you "cant" but you know yourself better. So.. first, try to talk things out with her.

Answer 5

Well, if you don't know what sex is, you need to have the birds and the bees discussion with your parents!?!?! And guys DO think about sex, A LOT. But in defense of the boys, women think about sex for about the same time period daily, our minds just extend each encounter. A man will have a lot of fleeting thoughts, while women will have fewer, yet more involved thoughts.

Answer 6

First off, I congratualte you on your mature , perhaps limited, view of relationships. Conversation is a key component in a healthy relationship. However, sex is also a part of a healthy, mature relationship.
There is a difference between sex and making love. Sex is a mindless act for the sole purpose of physical gratification. Making love is an act between two people who love and cherish one another and wish to express it in a physical manner. Making love with someone you are close to and cherish is a beautiful thing. It is emotionally staisfying because you get to see how much this person desires you and how much pleasure you are giving them.
The degree of fondness for sex can be based on many things and I feel you have a much deeper issue than disliking sex itself. Perhaps you are not emtionally mature enough to understand and appreciate intimacy . Are you self-concious? That can cause a dislike for sex because it exposes you in a way to another person that makes you uneasy.
Regarding your "idea of sex", I believe you have lost the focal point of making love. Making love is not about making babies. It is an expression of love between two people. It is sharing pleasure with another person.
You cannot let your obsession with birth control be the focal point of your sexual activity. The birth control pill and one condom, when used correctly, are an excellent method of reducing the spread of STDs and lowering the risk of pregnancy. Unfortunately, pregnancy is a side effect of making love and it is a risk that can be drastically reduced when birth control is used correctly. In order to mature enough to be having sex, I believe that one has to be able to accept that this does happen.
I think you may need to speak to someone, a professional, about your issue. I believe you have an issue that goes deeper then disliking sex . I am not trying to imply that you have a mental disease of any kind, I am just saying that it sounds like you have an issue you need to deal with. Perhaps you have had a bad sexually-related incident in your past which cause this unease with sex.
Contact your local health department, search your phonebook. Talk to your family doctor, they can refer you and even aid you.
Good luck to you and I hope you will feel better about it one day.

Answer 7

No. it is not about sex. Most people interpret that sex is a part of dating and that is not true. Dating is just trying to know the other person and form a realtionship between them based on their interest and common ideas, not on how hot the girl's body is. Sex b4 marriage is nothing but trouble. Also the idea of sex that U have is sort of crazy.(3 condoms!)

Answer 8

Everything is not about sex, in my view. Society has enhanced the art of sex more then what it should be. Think about it everywhere you turn sex is there TV commericals, billboards, music, videos, movies, tv shows sex is practical everywhere. People feel that they have to be involve. Talking is a wonderful thing, and you are correct the art of it has been lost.

Answer 9

If the sex isn't special to you, then I see no reason to continue on with the relationship...I imagine it would be pretty difficult for the experience to be enjoyable if one person isn't really feeling it. I don't think it's abnormal...hell for me it's been about three months and I'm just beginning to enjoy it...

Answer 10

Wow. You're probably the only guy who wants a relationship to talk with a girl and not for sex. I'd date you if you were my age.