has anyone been through the same experience as me? I feel like i need some guidance...?

Question

9 months ago, i lost my girlfriend after we accused each other of cheating. It crushed me to the point where i ended up drinking heavily, being miserable non-stop, i had my friends to fall back on and thankfully they have distracted me somewhat. However, even though it was 9 months ago, i still feel the same pain i felt when we parted...i even had a recurring dream about her, which drove me to insomnia, i was so afraid to go to sleep because of the pain i knew i would feel when i woke up. Recently i bumped into her in our town centre, and she looked even more beautiful to me, now all i can do is think about her and the past, the dreams have come back again and i'm slipping into the same patterns as before. I know its a small problem compared to others here, but its affecting everypart of my life and i need help, does anyone know how to try forget someone, forget the pain they caused and letting go? i feel like its prevented me from getting a new girlfriend and moving on with life.

Answer 1

Have you tried talking to her about how you feel? If so and it hasn't worked, stop beating yourself up with drinking. I have attended al-anon meetings which has helped me alot not because he drank, but because I was putting his value above my own and not taking good care of me, which sounds like you might be doing to. Give a meeting a try. You might find it helps.

Answer 2

Hi there DemonDs, I know how awful it is what you are going through, I have been there; and so have many many others. I know that is no comfort to you at the moment. But this sort of thing happens all of the time. It is terrible when you lose someone you love. What you are going through at the moment is very much like a grieving process. The trouble now is that you are obsessing about her, even though you dont think that you are. Also when you are away from someone, you tend to 'romaticise' them. As hard as it may seem, you need to keep yourself busy, see your friends as much as possible. You have to metaphorically give yourself a slap in the face. As the saying goes: 'When you fall off the horse, you have to get straight up, brush yourself down, and get right back on the horse.' It will be difficult for you, but honestly, time is a great healer. You WILL get over this, but unfortunately, it will take time.
When you find yourself thinking about her, do something to take your mind off of her, do not wallow. Get out there and meet new girlfriends. One day you WILL be able to remember her without any pain. And I bet you any money that you will meet someone new, fall in love with her; and wonder why you ever obsessed about this woman.
Do feel free to email me if you need a chat. I have been in the same situation as you so I know exactly what it is like.
I wish you all the best! :o) x

Answer 3

It seems like years, but 9 months is not a long time and the memories are still raw. It sounds like you may be suffering with depression which will need to be addressed before you can move on. The first step is to talk to your GP and get some professional help. Once you feel better about yourself you will find that everything in life starts to improve. You will have more interests outside and will start to erase the previous memories.

I split up from my ex after a 16 year relationship about 4 years ago - and only now do I feel ready to move into a new relationship and I have recently started to go out on dates.

Answer 4

Hello D...a lot of people have gone through the same thing...i promise you this, either they have gone through this pain or still have it to go through..it's all part of life and growing up. I think you already know you have to move on, because you say it's prevented you from meeting a new girl, so i think maybe that's what you really want to do, which is good. Do you feel there is no way back? if you do and really want to move forward i suggest you leave the alcohol aside and go to places where you can meet a new girl. It's wise to stop going to places where you might see your x to give yourself time to heal and get stronger.
In time you will probably look back and be glad it ended because you will have another girl you love even more...this is how it goes...you will probably meet many girls in your life time and have your heart broken many times, but one day the one you meet will be the one you've waited for and she will feel the same about you....
don't settle for anything less than a girl who adores you and wants to make you happy...hang on a bit longer, the pain will go....when one person walks out your life, another walks in....this isn't a small problem, the emotional loss we feel when we loose someone close to us is the worst feeling in the world. There is a true saying..."This to shall pass" and it will...people care enough to answer you, it's like saying i know your pain but it will get better....trust the people who know...
one day you'll wake up and someone very special will bring joy into your life, and you will smile again....

Answer 5

You seem like you loved or still love this girl. The only way to move on is to actually talk to her about this. I had this problem in November, though I did not turn to alcohal I did stay up late ect. It wasn't until I messaged him in early December and told him how I felt. You two said goodbye on bad terms from what I read too. Just tell her how your feeling, it will make things better. I promise. From there you should feel better that it's off your chest.

Than I say you should just take a break and give yourself some time to keep healing. It's hard to get over people. But while you give yourself some me time, go out? Find a hobby? For me it was concerts but everyone has they're thing.

Answer 6

I am sorry that you are going through such a tough time. Break ups can be hard and very painful. You mentioned that you had your friends to fall back on, but have you tried dating again? I know it is hard but you have to move on and try to get back into the dating scene. When you bumped into her, did you tell her that you really miss her? Next time if you have the opportunity, tell her how you feel and if she still does not want to get back with you, then you have no other choice but to move on. Don't despair there is someone out here right for you. If you acknowledge the mistakes that you made with her, just make sure the next relationship that you are involved in, you won't make the same mistakes. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 7

This is pretty much like depression. There is no way you are going to be able to just forget about her. You need to take it one day at a time. Slowly letting her go. Keep yourself busy with work and stay away from things that remind you of her. Before you go to bed at night think of a funny movie or something about a different girl that makes you interested! Slowly this will work to the point to where if you happen to see your ex again you can say hi and that it, The feelings stay there! Hope this helps!

Answer 8

I have heard before that it takes twice the time that your relationship was for to get over a partner. Try to get a rebound girlfriend. I know it sounds nasty, but it does work. Or maybe she feels the same about you and the two of you can try again and have learnt from your mistakes. Me and my wife accused each other of cheating in the beginning of our relationship and when we got married people said we wouldn't last but we are the strongest couple that I know and our 4th wedding anni is coming up.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

JESUS was asked one time about what to do if your brother / sister / husband / wife had wronged you ? If you should forgive or keep on holding onto that ability to forgive or not to forgive? JESUS said " you should forgive 70 x 7 and if struck on the cheek turn the other cheek and let them that feel the need to slap you again"! Maybe,if you can find it in your heart to forgive her one more time and forget what was the wrong that was done, you two could get back together again. Why, Cause I can see you still love her. Drop your silly pride and call her