How can i help my marine?

Question

My boyfriend is a marine and has been on two tours each for a year, it has obviously left its mark on him. I know I can never understand what he has been through, but I want to know if there is anything I can do for him. I've seen him on the verge of tears when he remembers things he saw or had to do, and it breaks my heart. I know nothing will take the memories away, but does anyone know of anyway I can help him more

Answer 1

Check with the group he is attached to for a family support group. The military has really started to address these sorts of issues lately and there should be some sort of support network you can contact for advice.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

There will be some things you can do and others that you can't. The first thing is listen to him and be supportive of the decisions that he made. Do not pry but don't be shy either. Make sure he knows that you are there for him and are ready to listen without judgment when he is ready to talk. There will be tears and profanity and doubt and anger and loathing. Help him when he starts talking but seems to run out of words by asking questions. The best are ones that don't ask for opinions but ask for facts such as "What did you do then?" or "Then what happened?" Every serious study of PTSD has always come up with the same conclusion. Patients who confront and explore their traumatic experiences have a greater rate of successful recovery then patients who bottle their experiences up inside or avoid acknowledging the problem.

Another thing you can do is encourage him to be around his fellow Marines who have had similar experiences. Those marines can relate with him on a level that you will never be able to. They will be able to show him that he is not alone in his thoughts or his feelings. The feelings of isolation are the worst.

Watch for signs of serious problems. It is all too easy for people in his situation to embrace all manner of addictions as a means of "numbing" the pain. In these situations you must seek professional medical intervention as quickly as possible. He is better off having nightmares then drowning them in drugs or alcohol.

Lastly, you cannot "fix" him. You can only support his efforts to fix himself. He will overcome the demons within himself or they will overcome him. You cannot fight them but you can help him to fight them by supporting him and not allowing him to give up the fight. Show him in every way that you can think of that you care for him and accept him no matter what he saw or did.

Answer 3

From my point of view (my husband is on his second year long deployment to Iraq), I think it's best to let your boyfriend talk about it when he feels the time is right. However, if your gut tells you that he is taking it harder than to be expected, you should lightly encourage that he talk to someone. I know everyone handles situations differently so it's a GOOD thing that he is able to emotionally express himself to the point that he is able to cry in front of you. Time will help fade the bad things that he encountered.. I personally feel that even wives suffer some form of PTSD since having their spouses being gone for extended periods of time is such a traumatic event.

To a person who commented: The military does offer PTSD counseling, but not everyone utilizes it in fear of being ostrachized.

Answer 4

You will never forget. In 24 years in the Navy serving with the Marines you kind of put things aside, but not always. The military offers counseling to help.

Answer 5

I know a FEW GOOD MEN.... and I know it's hard for them, but they are also getting post traumatic stress syndrome PTSS, counseling. You can let him know everyday that you are very proud of him, he tried, and is trying to help obtain law & order. Most of the guys I know said what bothered them is the quite parts of the day(some slept then), then bam!, the noise, starts all over again. I know the stories, and we don't really grasp the hell that goes on sitting on a couch watching TV.
Let him talk, but don't push him. Love him & Pray for him and his friends that are with him there and those that came home.

Answer 6

HOLD HIM TIGHT.A mans mind can do him the most damage.I served in 70-73.I can not turn away from the pain.I help as many as I can.Especially those more damaged than myself.Take up painting,ask for his help.He might find relief in leaving something to the world that stands for life and love.Don't mess with the pain.just let him know you love him.thanks

Answer 7

Just be there for him,,, and accept he will never be the same as he was before,,, Accept the new man,, cuz he probably went on tour as a kid and is now a man! No one can get over what he has seen but with love and support he can put it in its proper place,, ITS OKAY TO CRY!!!

Answer 8

It sounds like Post traumatic stress disorder. The VA has a program to deal with this.They didn't even treat us when I got out during the Viet Nam war.

Find out what triggers his episodes. Watch comedies . Stay away from violent movies.

Stay close , give him your warmth and love.

Answer 9

Let him talk to you if he wants to don't pressure him. He needs to talk with someone. Keeping it all bottel up is not good. Just be patient and just when you notice he is down talk to him and let him do all the talking. That way he is releasing some of his build up about it. If you can find other soldiers and their family that are going through this get together and let them talk about it. This will help all.
Good Luck and I will be praying for you'll

Answer 10

If you truly love him, then it's "For Better or Worse..."
Leave him alone until he wants to talk about it, no matter how long it takes, and if it ever comes. And if he does, he will tell you things you either don't want to believe, or to hear, or to endure.
War is Hell. In all its forms.
We men go out and do things for this country and for you women and children so that you don't have to live and die by it. It's our male warrior burden.
The worst thing you can POSSIBLY DO is to go and start acting as the agent of Social Agencies, and the like, trying to "Get him help."
Then you will lose his trust - Which he needs deeply - Probably forever. DON'T, whatever you do, submit to these mind ghouls that love to feed on other peoples misery - And worse, get government funding to do it! To live vicariously in another's personal misery! Brand him forever with PTS, or the like!
NEVER TALK TO A WIZARD. All soldiers know this.
If you love him, just be there when he needs you, and accept that there are many times he must be totally alone, and that doesn't mean a rejection of you at all, just a very solitary consolidation of himself and his experiences, that could be with him until his grave. Be there but don't intrude Be there, in reality. In person, In trust. Day to day, just everyday. As his spouse, his friend, as the person who made that vow of marriage... In perpetuaty. Make good your promise that he gave to you in mutual bondage.
This, unfortunately, is the burden of womanhood.
I salute you for it, as I do your husband for his service. My own children have a country to live in, at least, because of Men like him. And Women like you.
God Bless You and remember your children will have the same to deal with in their futures, and that you must prepare them as best as possible, for the same risks, reasons, and heritage of Freedom, wherever we can make it possible.