My dad was just diagnosed and doesn't want family, friends, or work to find out. The only reason I know is because my mom told me w/o my dad knowing. My mom is trying to be there for him and he's mean to her. He says he doesn't need her help, he didn't even let her go the second opinion appt. with him. They've been together for 35 years, happy, successful loving couple. Anyone have anything to offer?
2007-01-06 15:56:20 · 6 answers · asked by Joycer W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I've had to deal with this. He's right in not talking about it at work, although he'll probably have to at some point. In the office, cancer can mean career death, even if he beats the cancer. That's a fact of life, a prejudice that nobody likes to talk about, but is there.
As for friends and family, let me explain to you what he's being reluctant about. There is a very high chance that his treatment will leave him impotent, and possibly incontinent. These are very hard things for a man to deal with, much less talk about. However, he has to work this out with your mother, because it's going to affect their relationship in major ways.
First thing you should do is to go to a book store, and get a copy of Pat Walsh's book on prostate cancer. It's the best one out there, and will give you a lot of information. The Mayo Clinic book is also good. Share this book with your mother. It's probably best not to let your father know that you've done this, until both of you have read it and digested it. Your father isn't ready for the conversation yet, but your mother needs just as much support whether she knows it or not.
Next, it would help your father to hook up with a support group (not a doctor). Other men who've been through what he's about to experience and are willing help him. Your local hospital probably has such a group. It's going to be very hard to get him to go, because he wants to keep his secret. If I can help (I am a volunteer with a PCa support group), you can wirte me at anywherebuttexas@huskies.com.
Your father has a number of choices:
- He can opt for surgery. State of the art robotic surgery will require just one day in the hospital, and a recovery time of a couple of weeks. Traditional open surgery will require three times the amount of time.
- Brachytherapy, which means that radioactive seeds will be implanted to kill the cancer. This can be done on an outpatient basis, and will allow him to return to work in a couple of days.
- Beam radiation. This will require a series of outpatient treatments, and will have various short term side effects.
Each of these treatments has risks and benefits, which are explained in the Walsh book. None of them are perfect. The other option he has is to wait until it's worse before beginning treatment. I never recommend this option, but many consider it safe if it's accompanied by rigorous follow up. Again, the books will discuss this.
In any event, your father needs to be reassured that this isn't the end of his life. PCa is a very slow moving disease: if he did nothing at all, he may still live ten years or more. With treatment, he can have a normal life expectancy. The side effects of treatment can be serious, but anything can be overcome with love and faith. As tormented as he is today, he will need you to be there for him in due time.
2007-01-09 21:20:12 · answer #1 · answered by anywherebuttexas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dad dealt with prostate cancer a few years ago. He too went through the I can cope on my own phase. All I can tell you is to be there for him. If your dad was ever a member of the military he may qualify for some Veterans Affairs help including a experimental drug that helps push the cancer into remishion. This is what my dad went on it aids the Kemo and radiation in killing the cancer cells. It's worth looking into. I hope this helps
2007-01-06 16:16:19 · answer #2 · answered by Just Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my uncle just beat prostate cancer it was a very hard time in his life eventually he will let people know and until then there is really nothing that you can do. My uncle had some treatment done where they put these little radioactive pellets inside of him and 1 month later he found out that it had shrunk down and it was no longer a probem. So the only idea i have is to let hiim decide to tell you in his own time and look into treatment options and educate yourself. The more you know about it the better.
2007-01-06 16:02:43 · answer #3 · answered by Heather 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My family hasn't dealt with prostate cancer, but we have with throat cancer. My mother was diagnosed with throat cancer about 4 years ago. She chose to take radiation treatments. She still doesn't have her normal voice back. She was also very bitter towards everyone. She was especially bitter towards my dad. They have been married 49 years. My dad just stuck by her side and continually prayed for her. She is doing well now. All I can say is be strong for your dad and pray for him. Have all your local churches put him on their prayer list. Prayers can work wonders. He will eventually come around. Cancer is a word that people doesn't like to hear. It is a scary thing to watch your loved ones go through.
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2016-10-16 23:58:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your poor mom.
Yes, he is of the era where you don't talk about such things. Contact the local hospital and see if there are any support groups for her.
She is going to need to speak up and go to these appointments with him. And she will probably need you to talk to.
Counseling with a pastor, rabbi, etc might be good too.
Good luck
2007-01-06 16:03:16 · answer #6 · answered by autimom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋